Pictures of peoples' loved ones should not be displayed at work.

This way, nobody can flaunt who they're "in love" with, who they are ****ing, automatically prohibits discussion of "orientation", and any other scenario. It's an irony, but it is an equality.

There, I said it.

/soapbox

My picture of him often keeps me from going insane. I do not flaunt it, but I think having a small framed picture of a loved one is perfectly fine.

Would that be a problem?

I usually see pics of peoples' S.O.'s and ask "If this person wasn't hetero, how would they be treated? And why must people need to show off at all? If it is said the best charity is anonymous, why do we need to know about other aspects of that person's personal life?"

Just part of my stream of consciousness.

I ought to get some sleep soon;the fingers in my left hand are feeling like pins and needles. Oddly reassuring, that...

I understand.

In other words, I am not normal and I see things on a different facet than most. For better or worse, I look for perspectives others naturally won't think about. Which is sad, because I often don't look for the perspectives everyone else is accustomed to.

Also keep in mind the number of times I have attempted suicide. :7 It all makes me wonder if it is possible to make me think like neurotypicals... I'd probably feel a lot better.

You do need to find a way to be proud of your unusual perspective, and perhaps to make constructive use of it. As for your attempts, very wonderful people do try to kill themselves. We can support one another by acknowledging that mental illness can be terribly destructive and look frightening from the outside but it does not define who we are. :hug:

Maybe I will succeed as an ad designer because I am so quirky by nature.

I am like the television sitcom character that everybody loves. The difference is, I am a real life person in reality. (Now look back to the post(s) where I ask why people like certain types of people on TV yet don't tolerate the same people in reality. I post these things as much to understand neurotypicals' responses as I do to further understand myself and my place in this world.)

had photos of their same-sex SO?

No one in my office does. I've not really thought about it like that...but my department is a pretty open-minded (even liberal) department.

the gay folks I know of don't put up pictures of their S.O.'s... well, one of them has an S.O. but won't put up a picture. He seems to be comfortable in his "being out" as well; to the point of having glbt-themed knick-knacks dotted about (the dude's brave, I'll tell you that right now...)

I really don't make an effort to look at what pictures people look up. It's when I see something; that's when I start thinking of alternative viewpoints, "what if"'s, and so on. In general, I do not believe heteros consider what they do as a norm as being flaunting, yet a gay guy doing the exact same things is a huge no-no -- yet none of it is deemed "homophobia". I just see it as a fascinating double standard, partly because heterosexuals have never been maligned or persecuted for merely being heterosexuals. Or perceived as heterosexual.

It's the tinier things in life that are interesting to observe. It's not as much "personal issues" as it is "unspoken societal quirk" that draws my attention and gets my analytical gears going.

And he had pictures of his male partner on his laptop screen and I think he may have had pictures of him at his desk. And no one had an issue with it. Then again my prevous workplace was one of the most tolerant and open-minded workplaces I have ever seen -I wish I was still there

...people use their kids' pics as their laptop's screensaver. When they use the laptop to make company presentations or sales pitches to clients, everyone has to stare at a 10' image of the presenter's little prince or princess on the potty or in the bath. Everyone present is then expected to go 'ooh' and 'ahh' for the benefit of the preening parent. A bit pathetic really.

But then I'm a curmudgeon, so I'm probably way off base here.

:spray:

I still remember the guy who had the photo of his...shall we say...vastly larger than life SO in a tiny bikini on his laptop. I was one of a roomful of people who had the image of her burned into our retinas over a four hour period. I wonder if the woman knew she was regularly displayed like that.

If anyone told me to remove it, I'd pack my stuff and never look back.

When I deal with students, I look up at that photo and remember that every student I deal with is someone's child, and it helps me to keep my cool and be more considerate.

Gotta disagree with you on this one, HT.

Having personal touches around your workspace is just fine, so long as they aren't actually inappropriate (porno, etc). The 'flaunting' is in the eye of the beholder, not necessarily the putter-upper. That isn't equality, that's stifling someone else's perfectly harmless personal expression to satisfy someone else's disappointment with their own personal life. No one should be harassing others about their orientation in the workplace, and the types that do probably wont be stopped by the removal of photographs. It's a completely separate, and more serious issue.

I see your point and don't disagree with it, but "in the eye of the beholder" goes both ways too. At what point does "political correctness" step in for the sake of all parties involved?

The issue that you're talking about doesn't sound like a real issue of equality, it sounds like an issue of jealousy.

If the issue is equality, deal with THAT. Restricting others reasonable freedoms so someone might not feel offended makes far far less sense than dealing with the ACTUAL issue of inequality and unequal treatment in the workplace.

There is nothing politically correct about not wanting to see family photos.

and go by what you are saying - am I understanding you correctly?

You're blowing up at me because I said nobody should be allowed to do it. It's nice to say "nobody should give a damn regardless of that person's orientation", but what's wrong with pointing out what heterosexuals DO take for granted, because many homosexuals still feel too intimidated to do the same?

Reality, so far, isn't so unbiased.

What I offered is a solution that not only is equal, those who think would realize that's what homosexuals have to deal with all their lives. Not being able to put up what others get to do for granted just because their orientation is different.

and, yes, it is PC. PC is about not offending others. That's why, amongst other things, tv shows are far different now than they were 30 years ago.

Which reminds me, maybe my thoughts on the topic are 20 years outdated and in the business world nobody has tolerance issues against anyone else.

All I know is, I'm asked "How's the wife and kids doing?", and a bunch of other off-color questions that tapdance PC-related issues; yet not sufficiently un-PC to be able to make a case of harassment or anything else. If it's all not supposed to make a difference, why are people asking in something that, as people are saying, is none of their business? (as if I should care; I'm a celibate bachelor and that alone stirs up the rumor mill too... once again, for something that's nobody's business, people sure love to make a business out of it. So how come I'm not allowed to speak my piece? )

I should change my middle name to "confused".

No one is 'blowing up' at you. The 'world' can listen to opinions that are different all they want to. However, those opinions need to figure out how to deal with contradiction. But, your opinion seems to be full of contradiction. Some people have it unfairly and don't like it, so we should make it like that for everyone? That's never made sense to me. How about legislating workplace safety acts, unionising, and dealing with issues of racism, sexism and homophobia within the workplace instead of trying to make things unpleasant for everyone? Any 'solution' to equality that ends with someone else having something unnecessary taken away from them doesn't sit well with me.

PC is about not offending others, to a point. Your way oversimplified definition of PC could then include me saying I don't like seeing gays in the workplace, it offends me. Or saying, gay people can't marry so no one should be able to get married.

It seems like a non-issue. You have not sufficiently framed it as a case of offensive material. And your personal issues with your colleagues are just that, and I doubt they have very much to do with workplace photographs. Gossip, inappropriate comments, etc, can and will not be fixed by removing pictures from someone's life. IF that is the ultimate goal, deal with the problem, not what you're fixated on as the symptom.

EDIT:
That bullshit argument "You're arguing with me so that means you're saying my opinion isn't valid and I'm going to try to frame this argument around your inability to agree with me" isn't going to fly.

parties. No being yourself because being yourself might make somebody uncomfortable. Great idea. :eyes:

my coworkers and customers want me there to do work. That is why I am paid there.

Also, get to know me in real life if you dare. 5 minutes of being in the same room with me, even from the opposite corner, and you'll think I'm a freaky psycho axe killer or something and become intimidated. I'll admit I can be intimidating, mostly because I'm intimidated by everybody else and for some terrific reasons.

Plus, many I work with say "forced camaraderie" is pointless. (e.g. office parties). It is a sentiment I find logical and am in agreement with. Most of us have our own lives. If our personas gelled at work then "office parties" would probably be a different story. But even I have to agree with the Libertarian in that forcing people to like each other is fairly fruitless. (Sometimes I wish management would fathom that as well; but management only sees workers as (and this is a glib generalization) movable objects that must never think for themselves or speak up for themselves.)

work? No. Does anybody else find it offensive? No. The problem is in your attitude. Be happy for your coworkers having people to love instead of focusing on your bitterness at not having somebody yourself. All the bitterness is going to get you is older and more depressed.

it is not as much personal response as it is thinking of nuances most people don't.

If it, however, was a personal issue, I would ultimately say you are correct in your viewpoint but add in something that ultimately means "vicious circle". But the other half of the circle, which transcends the bitterness which in turns feeds on itself. Recursion always has a starting point, and any bitterness I have developed over the years must have a sufficiently strong, external factor. In other words, what originally started my feelings of bitterness? And I'm starting to understand the answer to that.

should be restrained from putting up a simple picture of a loved one at work, to protect you?

Maybe it would be better if YOU coped, rather than expecting everybody else to follow your strange rules.

Some people aren't treated fairly, so we should treat everyone unfairly so it's fair.
Right?

we need to stop those 'closet cases' from having kids just so they have office photos. It's a public service.

We can all have smiling prepubescent white preppie kids and then we'll all be equal.

I'm petitioning the wallet industry for my fair share of pasty generic children!

Image searching for some white bread name (Tyler? Madison?) and soccer should turn up tons of children of the corn to paste up in the cube. :)

:D

But honestly, I've found a direct approach can work very well. When people I know are being offensive about, say homosexuals, I just say "You have no idea if I go home to a girlfriend every night or not"
or
"Hey you're making me uncomfortable"

Works pretty well.

you can stop big problems like me and forget all those little problems in life... :dilemma:

find out and diminish what causes unfairness in the first place.

Or have I been listening to too many John Lennon songs again? :shrug:

I'm a lonely loser myself, but I don't get all bitter about it...

sometimes that which is obvious to others is missed completely by us.

I have 10,000 people telling me I need to be in a relationship. :spray:

But I am not bitter. I merely adumbrate my observations of arcane social situations. :D


Okay, I am envious... but have coped on my own and know that will always be the case. This isn't bitterness. It is a facet of reality.


On edit: Actually, Minnesota has 11,842 as I recall. I should verify that...

Seriously, there's nothing stooping your from having pictures of, say, your birds on your desk. They make you happy, right?

I usually get flak for it all, because it's sci-fi and the other "he's not normal" responses. Though the photoshopped efforts I did put up have them saying "I like it" after giggling at what I did.

The parrot would be a vast improvement from a neurotypicals' standpoint, but no doubt somebody might wonder "Okay, why a parrot and not a person?"

your co-workers are asshats and you shouldn't care about them.

I have pictures that make me happy. And they are some weird pictures-- science related stuff like DNA helixs and stuff. I don't give a shit about what people think about me.

Frame a picture of your parrot. And if someone gives you flak, tell them to bugger off.

He's not wearing pants, though. Would that offend you?

I'm the proud mamma of an adorable cat & I did have her picture pasted up everywhere at work!

LOL! :D :hug: Even if I'm the only one who thinks so about my adorable cat.

I've seen some of the other pics you've posted of your cat. She is most adorable.

And Sophie wants to tell you:

b vjdbbbbbbbhddddddddddddddddgggggggggggrt5555333333333778iggggg8444444444444444jt

I think that means, "I love you and please to bring me my pink stuffed cat".

:rofl:

I believe your picture of a cat is an overt attempt to judge my "choice" of animal fondness. You're obviously trying to make me feel bad about my William Wegman calendar.

Well I won't. I'm here, I'm canine preferential, get used to it.

And don't think I'm not going to contact Human Resources about your hostility toward me. I simply can't be expected to perform my job functions, whatever the hell those are, with a kitty cat staring at me, mocking me...with those little fuzzy paws...and those eyes...staring at me...staring through me...telling me to do bad things...

God, you're such a prick...

cano-typicals.

...from a feline-pheliac.

:rofl:

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

I've only got pics of my son, but he could just as easily be a nephew, or someone else if people didn't know me.

Where I work, people know too much about me anyway as far as I'm concerned sometimes.

I see what you are saying, and I basically agree.

I love seeing people's pictures in their work spaces. Obviously, not everyone can do that, depending upon the setting one works in. However, I am a very open-minded person in terms of people's "orientation", etc., so I could care less if Joe has a picture of him and John, or him and Jane on his desk.

People spend a great deal of their waking hours at work, and having a picture or some other person touch is something a lot of people like to have around them.

It's not an issue with me, I confess, because I work from home.

There don't appear to be too many people in your corner, but I agree with you. In my department there are approx. 50 workers. None of the gay workers have pictures in their cubes. No one is preventing them, however this is the legal department in a very conservative industry. The workers know it is better to just keep quiet about their personal lives. Ironically, one of the workers has been part of a male-male-female triad for thirty years. Yes, 3-0! It's probably the most successful relationship on the floor.

Also, I hate trying to remember everything about every kid in the office. You end up bombarded with the "do you notice anything new" question and a story about the new pictures. Graduation, baptism, wedding, etc. are a tad interesting, but I don't want to see Little Timmy's missing tooth picture. I blame the digital camera!

Of course, I pride myself on never having enough personal junk to require a box, if I'm fired. It's just a job, not an extension of my home.

You can sit in the cube next to me anytime. :)

When people ask you who she is, lie and say its your girlfriend. Then you can be like everyone else, and you can be accepted. Eventually, one of the girls in your office will want to steal you away from the model, and start making passes at you. Pick her over the model, and you have yourself a girlfriend. Badaboom. Easy.

Or you can just take it easy and ignore other peoples pictures...after all, a lot of people are miserable at work and displaying a picture of someone they love helps them out.

I don't know the specifics of your company, in terms of conservative/liberal atmosphere, but I think people should be allowed to put any family photos up they want, regardless of sexual orientation.

I don't know why you don't have a photo of your SO up (or if you have one in the first place), but why should you be mad about something like this?

Hell, I'm a single guy, no kids, so I obviously don't have any photos up in my cubicle. Many of my co-workers do -- it doesn't bother me in the least.

I'm sorry you feel such animosity towards the situation, but try not to let it get you down. There's much bigger things to be concerned about.

It's not just about an issue of equality although that comes into play. There is no compelling need to have family displays in the workplace. It's nice that some workplaces allow and encourage it, but it's not essential. It's an issue of workplace separateness from private life. I've heard gossip about those who choose not to display family photos, as if that choice is somehow subversive. I've heard more than a few snide comments about homely children and ugly spouses over the years,too.

The worst example of picture politics that I have heard was from a friend who was the lowly receptionist in a division of a major software company. The division manager decided her family photos presented the wrong image for the front desk and instructed her supervisor to handle the situation and 'improve the professional appearance' by removing all of them. The manager, cowardly, insecure bastard that he was, had separate portraits of each of his children and a shot of himself and his wife prominently displayed in his office.

looking at other peoples desk pictures anyway? Don't you have work to do? :D

:spray:

You're not happy so nobody else should be?

Aye caramba.

Oh actually it does.

Build a bridge. :eyes:

It wouldn't be the first time someone did that trick, although usually it's to represent that that is their own pic.

Not all socially inept, "neurotypical" virgins have this problem. They've just learned the fine art of coping with the norm, instead of trying to make everyone else just as miserable as they are.

I would have no problem of a gay person having an SO pic on their desk. My picture of reprehensor on my desk is one of the few things that keeps me sane all day. And if you can't handle it, tough noogies.

I don't know much about your personal life outside of DU but I think it all comes down to being happy with who you are - gay straight lesbian bi - whatever we are all human. The GLBT community is not the only community that is treated unfairly - I am straight and black and I am also treated unfairly , not because I am straight and black but because I am just weird to some people - but do I want to change - hell no. I would'nt be CarolinaPeridot. Confirmity to me is a crime - but despite my many issues that I have went through in my life I love myself so much more now than I ever did before. I feel special and I think that if I was like everyone else, I would be a boring person. I used to think that I always had to have a boyfriend , that I always had to have someone call me on the phone to tell me that I was special - and I always got so caught up in some one else telling me those things to the point that when they left me , I realized that I left myself as well - I felt empty because I looked to them to tell me things that I should already know.

I don't know what the hell I just typed but I think you should just be happy with yourself. Are'nt you a photographer (I could be wrong) you could put up pictures of your photos if you don't want to put up photo's of loved ones. And then people could ask you about that.

I am no psychologist so I can't analyze you but don't sit around being bitter , it eats away at your heart and then when you are older you are going to realize that it was a waste of time. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Misery loves company - a couple of years ago I was on the deep end and the only guy who would come to me was a guy who had misery in his life - we were a company of misery because that's all I knew and I leaned on him to build me up and once I got strong , he realized that I could leave his misery and he kicked me back down into misery - why because I did'nt love myself and I became bitter - its a vicious cycle. Sometimes being alone is good - and if you are not bitter and still can't find love well its just not your turn.

I work at home so I'm not sure of the dynamics here. The stuff I have hanging on my office walls are things that make me feel good. Do people put up photos to flaunt to others or do they do it for personal reasons? Do people literally make comments on the stuff you have on your desk or is it more of a subtle thing where you are thinking of their mental reaction? I'm not sure I really understand.

I do see the point I think you're trying to make. But by that token certainly we shouldn't have pictures of children on our desks because someone who cannot have children might be hurt. No pictures of your vacation because people who can't afford vacation will feel slighted. No cats because my cat died recently and I'm still in mourning. See what I mean? Really the only answer would be to have nothing personal whatsoever in the workplace. I think unquestionably that would be the most professional thing but awfully dull and cold.

Your feelings are valid and I'm not judging you for them but I suspect you're reading more into it than is actually there. If people in your office have personal pictures, then put up what makes you happy and the hell with what others think.

I have a picture of my baby boy and I like it where it is. And I don't carry it around with me to dlaunt it either.

:wtf:

And I have my opinion, which is that people SHOULD post pictures of their loved ones at work. Unless there are specific office policies about not displaying personal effects on their desk. Which I couldn't even begin imagining working in a place like that.

My partner is a very, very important part of my life. My co-workers know I'm gay. And I have a picture of me and my partner on my desk. We're not "****ing" in that picture. It's the two of us, standing together and smiling. Because we were happy in that picture. It's called "love", in case anybody may wonder.

I'm not the least bit concerned at all about having that picture there. Because...it's my life. If people want to be judgemental (people like you), that's their problem, not mine. I'm 50 years old and at this age, I'm sure as fuck not going back into the closet again. Or hide who I am and hide my life. Not anymore.

I am very happy for you. I like to see people in love :) :hi:

Like I told HypnoToad, its all about being happy with yourself and who you are.

The thread has become a flamefest.

Sincerely,
buddhamama- DU Mod