Returning to work

I made sort of a glib remark on my possibly returning to work this month. I have posted previously about my battles with mental illness, so I will not go into a lot of detail on that subject; the original thread is here:
http://tinyurl.com/3y6w6

My psychiatrist will probably be releasing me to return to work. I don't currently have a job, so I'd have to find something new. And I'm scared to death. Many of the issues I've dealt with are getting easier to cope with thanks to counseling and medication, but there still are situations that cause reactions, ranging from severe anxiety to psychotic episodes.

My biggest problem is the anticipation or contemplation of the situation. Most of the time, I do okay once I'm in the situation.

Here's an example. Last night, we went to visit a friend of my wife. I've seen him a couple of times but don't know him at all. And I spent most of yesterday petrified because I am very uncomfortable going into a stranger's home and then staying there a couple of hours.

So we went, and I was okay for a while. Our host wanted to play the game "Risk" and we started, but by then my anxiety level was getting higher and as the game progressed, the physical symptoms began: my rocking back and forth, rubbing my arm and not looking at anyone. We finally got to a stopping point to eat some food, and I stated I didn't want to play anymore. I didn't want to be rude, but I was getting to a point where I couldn't stand to be in that house any longer. It's just me. My wife's friend is a nice enough guy. But when I don't know someone, it seems to trigger or set off specific anxiety-related reactions. We ended up staying for three hours.

So now I'm faced with possibly having to return to work. And I dread the process, not to mention the fact of what I'll do if I do land a job.

I know I need to take it one step at a time, but I'm just scared to death, and have no idea how I'll handle something like a new job. I have the hardest time waking up in the morning, and there are some days where I do not want to leave the house.

I do plan on discussing this with my counselor, and am hoping we'll come up with some techniques I can use to conquer this fear. I don't have to start looking for another week or two, but I know I'll be sweating it the whole time.

I am not sure what sort of skills you have or what would interest you. Perhaps some sort of office work in a small company close to home would be best.
I read your thread and I assume that your taking some sort of medication. Is there medication that you can take when you start having symptoms? I have milder anxiety/panic and take Xanax if I have an attack or feel higher anxiety.
Yes, be sure to discuss all your fears and concerns about work with your counselor. Have you "practiced" techniques as far as going out in public and doing progressively more stressful tasks. We talked about much techniques in my anxiety support group. For example, someone who has trouble grocery shopping starts buying one item during a slow period during the day and progresses to buying a full cart, standing behind several people, and even telling the clerk to put items back. I am not sure of the route for finding and keeping a job, but I am sure that one could be worked out with progressive steps.

I myself go through bouts of anxiety, but usually before work. I am considering getting some type of treatment for this.

There are many stress-inducing experiences involving work. These involve, mostly for me, other co-workers and managers. Quarters are tight (3 to a small room), and its difficult for me to relax completely.

But then again, not having work (and money) is also stressful. And putting in a day of work where you feel you made a difference is satisfying.