if someone you were dating gave you something and told you

it was worth such and such amount of money and you found out through another source that it was worthless--what would you do?

so--i kinda think he knew what he was doing :shrug:

He wanted to impress you, but couldn't actually afford to pull it off?

as the relatiionship has progressed other oddities have surfaced.

thing is i did not care what it was worth at the time...

i just thought it was a sweet gesture...kinda crass of him to throw the value of it out there and now it is even worse...

Maybe the guy you're dating is more knowledgable.

Or maybe, like a number of guys I dated, he thinks that spending a lot of money on a woman is the way to win her heart. If that's the case, you can set him straight without even mentioning what your other source said.

:hi:

thing is i have seen in his e-bay history where he has sold the same type item for pennies...

so, not only do i have other qualified sources i have his actual selling point:wtf:

does he not know that his buying and selling history on e-bay is public record?

i am not sure it is my heart is trying to win...if you get my drift;)

good to see you and you do make a good point:hi:

On the otherhand, if he thought something was valuable he probably wouldn't sell it on Ebay if he couldn't get a decent price for it.

I think I'd go for "asking" them about it. In a kind of nonjudgemental sort of way. :shrug:

its all in the approach--

this happened back in august and i am just now able to get the facts from another "expert"

so, the timing is kinda....iffy

a lot of water under the bridge so to speak

coverage and discovered that HE'D been snookered and you're so sorry to have to tell him he'd been fooled about its value.

:toast:

:applause:

:applause:










sorry i posted in the wrong place---oops

them why they told me it was worth so much when it wasn't.

I probably wouldn't be too upset if they just tell me the truth when I ask them.

i know why--i think--

to make himself look like a macdaddy:woohoo:

Why would I ask? Or whu I wouldn't get too upset?
I don't know what you mean.

:shrug:

what i am trying to say is i don't think i need to ask him why...i think i know why he did it...

he did it to impress me...

gotcha.


He doesn't need to impress me.

He already has me hooked. :hug:

:hug:

you deserve the real thing!

Or at least someone that is honest with you and cares about you without needing to be phony!

:hug: :loveya:

and play the field too?

Well I am loathe to give such advice

but what the hell

confront him, see what he says

then if you don't like the answer, drop him.

or play the field and continue to see him and don't ask him.

or ask him and continue to play the field.

I guess it depends really on how much you do or don't like this person and how much the phony gift matters. I mean if it is to impress you maybe he really does want to do that. If he did it to impress you because he thought you were too ignorant to find out the truth he was obviously mistaken, and that would suck.

I just want you to be happy my friend!

(and I'm so good at relationships and all I'm fully qualfied to give advice :sarcasm: )


:hug:

might be wrong.

research--NOT looking good for home boy :shrug:

Not everyone is gifted at appraisal

so that sorta throws that theory out the window


good to see you :hi:

Nice to see you wyldhorseys :hi:

who is this other source and why should s/he be more trusted than the guy who has been in the field for over 40 yrs? :shrug:

why should they lie to me?

they do not know me or him...i kept names out of it...

and i have it from several sources...

plus his other actions have been misleading...

Reading that, it struck me as odd that someone I dated would mention the value of something they gave me - that would seem weird enough to me, I think to make finding out it was worthless kind of an added bizarrety (ooh, did I just make up a word?).

I guess I'd ask them about it - they might have been duped about the value, too depending on what the situation was. I'd probably ask anyway - I'm pretty direct.

funny thing is --if he had never mentioned the value--i would never have researche it...

kinda like he set his own trap:shrug:

If someone I cared about gave me something from the heart, thinking (or wanting to think) it was terribly valuable, I'd appreciate it for the thought, not the bottom line. If that person was wrong, but in intent, was right, I'd not think twice.

When it's "the thought that counts" then she can give me a gumball and think it's gold. To me, it'll be gold.

this item ---he is pretty well known in his field--his reputation--

i would have chersihed this item as coming from the heart and i guess in a way i still do...

thing is--what was he thinking

short term--to imprees me cos

don't need to worry about the long term cos

he was not planning on it being long term?

does this make sense?

When it comes to "value" it's only what another will pay. Let me explain...

I'm a HUGE fan of Nolan Ryan (baseball). I have hundreds of his baseball cards, not for their value, but for their value to me. I have 1 (one) of his rookie cards. It's valuable, yes. I'd say it was close to mint, but that doesn't matter. For every opinion, there are 10 differing ones. Had this been a gift, I'd not look at how others viewed the value of it. I'd view it from a standpoint of intent.

I'd look at the person that gave it to me, "I gave flvegan a Nolan Ryan rookie card, based in my opinion upon value, because he liked/wanted it." If they misjudged, or hell, flat out got screwed on the deal, that's okay. Intent.

As far as long term/short term...that's your call. It still comes back to intent.

what do you think this "gift" says about the "value" of how he regards this relationship?

he knew when he gave it to me that it was pretty much worthless...

he also knew that i know nothing about this stuff

why even tell me a dollar value? i could have cared less about the dollar value...he threw the comment out offhandedly as if to let me know that he knew that i knew nothing about this stuff.


he even made up this elaborate story about how he acquired this object...to make it sound like it was of sentimental value to him...making it all that more "priceless" to me...

now it just feels kinda silly...

and i feel silly

and he looks silly to me...

am i making sense?

this person disrespected you, basically he thinks you're a person who can be bought/impressed by money without being smart enough to know that the item he used to buy/impress you wasn't worth a damn

he knows what he did and there is no further reason to discuss it with the jerk

the relationship is a lie, you know it, i know it, he knows it

run, liars don't change

i wonder how many other people have received "valuable" gifts from this loser

head...out of curiousity how did you vote?

i am guessing that you either voted for the first choice or the last choice...

:hi:

I'd find some way to discuss it with them

I'd also wonder what the heck they were thinking

Did they get duped?

Or did they know and are just scamming me?

Many questions, I guess I'll go with confronting them.

:hide: :hug:

Is this something that happened to you Wildhorses?

and yeah, i think he knew he was scamming me

hind sight being 20/20 and all

:hug:

see #26 for more

but here's hugs

:hug: :loveya:

and for the hugs...

really, so much else has happened since then that is just par for the course at this point.

A gift really is about the thought, not the value. Unless you think that somebody actually lied to you, rather than was just incorrect, but in that case the value of the gift is at that point a minor issue behind possible deceit and lack of trust.

:hi:

Cuz the whole thing was obviously a joke to them? And if they can't take the joke, well, then it proves they were just trying to get one over on you and aren't the type of person any DUer should be dating.

just don't have it in me--

this happened back in august and i am just now finding out the "true" value and so much other stuff has happened that

i really think it is a moot point at this time...


i was just curious how other people would feel if it happened to them

and if there were any other stories out there...


:hi:

I've got a few and I'll bet I'm not the only one. I just don't have any that involve appraisals.

I once dated this moran who wanted me to (literally) fight for him. I'd been out all day job-hunting and was supposed to meet him at his ex-girlfriend's house - they were still friendly.

When I arrived, I discovered just how friendly that was - she was sitting on his lap.

Showing remarkable self-control, I asked him, "What's going on?" She responded that he was staying with her and when I asked him if that was so, he said, "That's up to you two."

Incredulously, I realized that he thought I was going to duke it out with his fish-faced girlfriend for the honor of being his lap ornament.

I just laughed and walked out of there. Later, when I heard they'd married, I sent her a sympathy card. :evilgrin:

it amazes me when men think they will see a catfight over them...

those 2 deserve each other and you deserve much better!!

I'll read the other responses for the deets instead of asking you to repeat yourself, but wow. This person was really trying to fool you? No gift, or a small gift, or a handmade gift is so much better than a fake gift. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. I haven't, but I have never received many valuable gifts, and the ones I did, you couldn't really fool anyone (like a car stereo is about the most expensive gift I have ever gotten and there's really no foolin' anyone there).

i have never received expensive gifts either..
:hug:

i would have much rather it had been a small token from his heart...


appears he has no heart...

He may have a heart, perhaps just doesn't know how to use it. Many people don't.

:pals:

well, never mind the but...i could get real sarcastic at this point...

thanks for being here :pals:

absolutely not

:rofl:

how would you have known not to accept it? :hi:

and I would be ESPECIALLY leery of someone who felt the need to point out how PRICEY something was

talk about a red flag...

as i have said --it was the remark about the dollar value that got me to doing the research in the first place...if he had never said anything i would have cherished it and the story that went with it all the rest of my days...but when he put a dollar value on it...and such an astronomical price!!


he set his own trap...

there are other bigger things he'd lie about as well. Just say'n........

good to see you:hi:

:hi:

you deserve a lot better than this guy

:yoiks:

:rofl:


i should keep him around just to find out:shrug:

it's as good as calling you stupid, what, they think you never met an appraiser or did a search on ebay?

the way he toyed with me :rofl:


the temptation is SO there:evilgrin:

I swear, the girl is a compulsive liar. She lies about things she doesn't need to lie about.

perhaps that is this person's problem as well

my problem is: should i let it remain in my life?

other issues you've had with this guy? (I read alot but don't post often.) I think I'd pay attention to all the red flags and move on. Unless you just want a friend with benefits and then be up front with him about that, too.

and yes, he has been downgraded to a friend with benefits and yes i have been upfront about it...

it is just that this gift was presented very early in the relationship...so for him it was a lie all along...

thoughts and doubts. My DH and I like this girl, but, damn, it's getting harder and harder to ignore some of the lies.

DS bought her a beautiful aquamarine and diamond necklace and matching earrings for Christmas. She made up some huge story about ordering him a German soccer jersey with his favorite player's name on the back - $300.00 cost because my son is built like a linebacker for the NFL. Well, it was all a lie. I could go on and on, but I won't. Well..... maybe I will! LOL! Her father is supposedly in the hospital after having "three major heart attacks!" on Thursday. Funny that she won't tell DS which hospital in the city he's in, isn't it?

They split up 2 years ago and just recently got back together. She and I work together and she's lying all over the place - to me, to DS, to other co-workers, to supervisors.

I wish you the best of luck. It's a tough situation.

good luck to us all:grouphug::hug::grouphug:

:hug: :grouphug: :hug:

I found out. He sent me an e-mail telling me that he had broken up with her. He broke up with her by e-mail. Yikes.

about your situation wildhorses. I'm amazed when people we care about act so irresponsibly, play with our hearts. I think you really know what to do here, it sounds like you've already make up your mind. My only advice is to always take the high road. In the long run, you've got to feel good about yourself and your actions. In the meantime I'm sending hugs your way.

are always good :hug:

believe it or not i am continuing the friendship but NOT the relationship...i just can NOT trust him the way one should trust a potential mate...

he has a lot of family issues and personal problems in his life right now and i think he has some low esteem...money is his way of looking like a "man"

I would be tempted to return it saying "I couldn't possibly accept such a valuable present" and stop seeing the guy since I'd have a difficult time trusting anything else he might tell me. Honesty in relationships is very important to me!



:hi: :loveya:

:hug:

and i have stopped seeing him as a potential mate but, i am continuing a friendship

think that is ok?

Just don't don't pass-up any dates waiting for him to show-up as promised.
:shrug: Also remember you will-be responsible if he overtaxes his brain trying to be creative with his excuses ~ the dog misplaced my keys will only work so many times.

:rofl: thanks for the laugh and good to see you :hug:

i have gone out with a couple of different guys over the holidays and, e-mailing quite a few more. so it is just a matter of time.

poor ole TheSmoker ...

he calls me daily ....matter of fact i just hung up from his call.

he just found out his 17 y/o daughter is pregnant. he wants to charge the father with rape. he is on his way to the da's office as i type this...

They don't know what they've got till they lose it!


I can't believe he thinks a trip to the da's office is going to help his daughter. :wtf:

i guess that is what i am--he wants to tell me all this stuff but, he does not want my advice...
if he had listened to me in the first place he would not be going through this now. but, what do i know...i am NOT the mother of his children or what ever his dumb redneck excuse is...

i have not been able to stay in touch with you like i want but, this is just the tip of the iceberg (so to speak)

since he lost his job in october due to the company filing banckruptcy..his life has just turned into one fiasco after the other.

i know some people on this board think i have complained about him too much already but, honestly i have kept the WORST of it off here.

but, after a while i have to have an outlet for my own sense of sanity:shrug:

you guys are like family to me....

That's exactly what I was going to recommend. :hi:

Many of which turned out to be lies that when I confronted them about it were told in an attempt to impress me. I don't know if most men are like that or just the ones that wanted to be with me.
Confront him about it and any other stories that are doubtful. Emphasize that you don't need someone to impress you. You need someone to be honest.

think it is going to take some therapy for him to deal with this and his other low self-esteem issues...

with whom I've been involved.

Sorry that this has repeatedly happened to you. :(

used to give me things others had given HER. She was honest about it, but I hated that.

the lie is like rubbing salt in the wound...


we both deserve better:hug:

:pals:

Hope to come visit soon btw!

:pals::hi:

latest decision is probably the beginning of Feb. I'll PM you.:hi:

see you in february :hug:

Compulsive liars suck, no matter what their rationale.

I'm here to tell you, be picky and hold out for what's real. You may wait a while before you find someone good enough for you, but he will be worth the wait.

And I'd let this Pinocchio know why you don't trust him as well. But that's just me. I like to watch liars squirm.

BTW, I picked the last choice ;)

;) and thanks :hug:


good to see ya :hi:

:hi:

Hang in there...and keep us updated on the game :)

It was one I recognized rather easily.

I never confronted her, and I married her later. She turned out to be a liar about everything, from minor to marriage-altering details. So maybe if I'd confronted her, I wouldn't have married her, and I could have married the right woman. On the other hand, I have two children that makes the hell of the relationship worthwhile, so... WHo knows? Honesty is very important, but many relationships survive and flourish without it. Judge the person on everything, and decide what you can live with. No matter what you do, your life will be full of tremendous pain and tremendous joy. The choice will fade in importance, either way, as the years pass, and no one you choose will give you pain-free life.

Sorry. Still bummed about the Cowboys game last night, so I'm in one of those morose philisophical moods. :rofl: Nothing really matters, anyone can see...

sorry about your cowboys :hug:

I really want the Saints to win the Super Bowl, so now I don't have split emotions over an upcoming Cowboys-Saints matchup. :)

#1 The actual value of the gift is unimportant.

#2 The fact that he went out of his way to manufacture a lie regarding it's value is HUGELY important.

That would be a huge dealbreaker for me. I trust people and believe what they tell me until they give me a reason not to. Then everything they say is suspect, and I find I spend too much time wondering if what I'm hearing is fact or fiction. That's not something I'm willing to do in a platonic friend-like relationship, let alone with someone I'm involved with.

I despise being lied to. With a white hot passion.

spiteful...sometimes i don't think he even realizes he is lying. i agree with 1 and 2.

i have pretty much cooled it with this guy on my end. however for some reason he calls me and confides in me about his family life with is turning out to be a redneck melodrama...honest it makes daytime soap opera look subdued...

i hate to say it but, in a way his life is my entertainment...like turning on the tube and watching one life to live or dallas or whatever is out there nowadays

very vindictive and spiteful, might he not be a problem if you find someone else you want to be dating exclusively?

keeping him so busy that i am not to worried about it...the benefits thing is very few and far between....

i am hoping the whole thing will just eventually die a natural death due to lack of interest on his part...


his life has made many twists and turns since october...i am just a small thing in his life.

at this point i am more like dear abby to him than anything

see post #105 in this thread for clarification....


on edit: sorry for all the typos, in a hurry here

You should be able to come up with a sentence or two like that every three or four days, always asking his advice, never following his advice, always pushing the story forward slightly, never allowing much of a discussion of the subject.

"The insurance agent said to get it appraised. How many written appraisals do you think I need?"

"The insurance agent wants photographs. Is it important to photograph it in natural light?"

&c&c&c

If he's really bullshitting you, you should be able to figure that out from his responses to the on-going appraisal drama.

:evilgrin:

my evil twin sister likes you a lot:evilgrin:

and I might not accept it in the first place..

The cheap, yet thoughful stuff is what I have always preferred.

I'll buy the expensive stuff for myself....that way i don;t have to pretend to like something because it cost a lot..and if I want something expensive, it will just what I wanted :)

he had placed in my hand before he told me the value. we had only been dating 3 weeks when he gave it to me. the story that went with it is how the so-called value of it came out.

by that time i would have looked like i was turning him down (i thought) if i turned down the gift.

it all happened in a nonchalant kinda way...

If what he gave you is considered a "collectible" item with different versions having different values, the value can range from $5 to $5K even if the item he gave you looks just the same as the el cheapo version.

I have a set of plates, bowls and partial teapot set from an Satsuma "dragon" china set. The maker's mark on the bottom of my pieces indicate they were produced around 1890-1910, and pieces with that mark go around $50 a piece on E-Bay. A complete setting for 8 went for around $3K. Another set that looked exactly the same, same weight porcelain, with a slightly different mark (a reproduction 1970's manufacturing)is going for $3 a piece.

YMMV, but he might be telling the truth about what he gave you.

Haele

depends on whether or not it is authenticated and whether or not i can prove the history of the piece. without this guy's written authentication it is pretty much worthless. with his written authentication it "might" bring close to what he "bragged" about. he knew this at the time he gave it to me. i am just now finding all this out after having done my research. when he broke up with me right before thanksgiving (and has been trying to get back with me ever since)in a silly fit of misplaced anger (him, not me) is when i started my research. due to the fact that i was needing money at the time and because he has no meaning in my life anymore (due to all this crap he has tried to put me through) i was going to put it up for auction on e-bay with a reserve of close to what he told me it was worth. that is when all the facts came out.

i know this was a convoluted post...hope it makes since.


edited for like a brazillion typos...still probably didn't get them all...

why-o-why-o-why...

I'm lucky. My wife likes to collect rocks. Not diamonds, or gems, or anything like that, just the sorts of rocks you find anywhere. I can move big rocks so she married me.

sparkly or not...semi-precious gemstones and pearls is what i mainly use to make my jewelry.

thanks for the comment. :hi:

arrowhead that he supposedly found onhis property along with 2 others. this one has a fissure all the way through it. clear quartz crystal does not patina like chert so therefore it is hard to authenticate.


after seeing his e-bay history i doubt the truth to any of his story.

If he knows what he found, then he may know its value. Another source may say there is no way to authenticate it, therefore, the market value is low.

authentication. even with it--it would only sale for pennies on the dollar of what he said it was worth...

i know because i saw where he sold the other 2 on e-bay...

i don't think he could sale the one he gave me because of the fissure in it.

and i really don't think he found these 3 arrowheads on his personal property either.

i think he is buying and re-selling on e-bay. i have been tracking his history since thanksgiving. also other things he has said...about other arrowheads.

the other day he told me he had "found" this arrowhead and asked me if i thought it was pink quartz.
i told him it did not look like the pink quarts rocks i had found. it looked to me like it had been in the red clay so long that it had stained it to a "peach" color.

then i saw on e-bay where he had purchased an arrowhead that looke a lot like the one he showed me (actually it was 2 up for bid). the lady who had them up for auction was selling them as pink quartz--on her word alone. he bought them cos the bid was so low. had they realyy been rose quartz he would have had something. it was a chance he took.why, he tells me he "finds" it is where the lying comes in. he has an excellent e-bay reputation and i am a newcomer to e-bay. he is pretty well considered an authority in this field whereas my expertise (if you can call it that)is with rocks and gemstones...

First, I am dating someone? This never happens. Let's say I win the powerball instead. That's much more likely.
Second, this person gives me something? Amazingly enough, that seems even less likely, because, although I have had a few dates many, many years ago. None of them have ever given me anything. Not for my birthday, not for Christmas, not for Valentines Day.

So, even though I do not like being lied to, I probably would take it as more evidence that this person likes me. They cannot be trusted, but apparently they want to impress me.

I probably would tell them they don't have to lie to impress me, and that would ruin everything.

:hug:


and i did not know it was a lie until all this other shit happened and now it is like pointless...







and by the way....


































what are you doing friday night;)

dating was more trouble and cost than it ever was reward,
and relationships seem to be the same way. In the real world,
people are not that copacetic. Really, they are always lying, bossing,
getting cranky or bored - and those are the nice people, an endangered
minority.

Hmmm. I seem to be in a dark, cynical mood. Maybe just a bad New Years with my family.

Plus, my ipod seems to be in a mood. When I wrote my last post it was playing "All by myself" and now it is playing "Heartache tonight" after I skipped it through The Cars "Why can't I have you?" and the Beatles "I feel fine"

"She's in love with me, and I feel fine" :argh:

Stupid computer giving me ideas. Either that or it was the Kudzu thread.

is someone getting cranky? or just bored? :rofl:

I'd kick their ass. :kick: Especially if I spent a good amount of money on a gift for them :grr:

welcome to du :hi:

love your name:loveya:

and understand your thought process:think:

however this was a birthday gift and so there was no recipricating gift involved. we had only been dating 3 weeks when it was birthday...the whole thing was just bizarre.

by the time xmas rolled around the relationship had disingrated to the point that i did not buy him anything.


now get this...



for christmas he gave me....


















































a heating pad and an umbrella :rofl:



















i kid you NOT!!!































can you say REGIFT???

... like what I call an "impulsive liar". That is, he may well have not really intended to lie about it, but when faced with a great opportunity to tell a whopper he could not help himself.

Personally, I cannot stand a liar and once I'm sure someone is I would drop them like a hot rock. Perhaps you should pay more attention, and see if this is the "only" lie he's told you.

I'm betting it's not, and whether you want to hang with someone whose words you can't trust is up to you.