So, if you knew someone cheated on their ex - often

Because they were in a long, drawn out relationship that they weren't happy in... and their SO was also cheating on them. Would you avoid dating the person. I've met a girl like this. And, even though I'm not looking for a relationship now, she is kinda cool. But I don't know that I could ever date someone who cheated on their ex alot. I'd always be nervous about it. What do you think, oh wise thinkers of DU?

I would be afraid they would cheat on me.

cheated in the first place. There may have been all kinds of things going on in their relationship that drove her to do something she might not do with someone else.

Just be mindful and talk with her about it before jumping in with both feet.

Just because of her long track record.

I just feel like Elizabeth Shue in Leaving Las Vegas tonight, so I'm probably not the one to answer that. People can change, and sometimes the thing is situational, but in the end if it turns out to be her pathology it's gonna be one of those things where you are mad at yourself because you kind of knew what she was about to begin with, which is a very sucky feeling, trust me. So you have to kind of look at it that way...Sometimes in life you have to take a gamble to learn stuff. I take the gambles sometimes, probably more than I should. But then there is the pain to deal with afterward. Oh well...I really don't know.

How do you know she's not cheating on someone when she's seeing you??? How much cheating is "alot?"

I knew someone who was dating a friend, and she was also some older guy's mistress (who was paying for her apartment), she was separated from her worthless lowlife high school sweetheart druggie husband, and oh, I think she was regularly sleeping with a professor.

She very much enjoyed the attentions of men, and she was kinda cool and very smart, and she probably would have dated a nice guy like you.

If I was really brave, or foolish, I'd look her up. She probably lives in Beverly Hills now.

:yoiks:

but then that's just me

I'd think that if she did that with him she might do it with me.

In fact, that's good to think about really right now.

:pals:

just thought I'd let you know. :hi:

That situation smells, man. Nothing but trouble will come to you if you hook up with this chick. My philosophy is -- once a cheater, always a cheater. You could never trust her not to cheat on you like she is doing to her current SO.

she cheats in relationships, and she doesn't have the courage to face and address what is wrong in her current relationships.

NOT good relationship material, IMHO.

because if she did, it proves that she is honest but happened to be in a bad relationship. or a situation she either couldnt get out of or didnt think she could.

there are many reasons why people cheat. if she knew her so was cheating, that was probably what motivated her into cheating etc.

He says it was a fucked up relationship and I shouldn't judge her too harshly on it. But, still..

i am pretty upfront about these things. but if your buddy knows her and says dont judge too harshly maybe you should consider his opinion.

I loved my ex (rest his soul); but I was not fufilled and neither was he, apparently (since he wanted a couple of things I could not provide physically!). So; I cheated on him numerous times in our eight year relationship. I'm not proud of it; but I learned a lot. Now that I am with a wonderful man who loves and needs me; and who shows it every day; I have not felt for one minute any desire to look outside the relationship for any thing at all. Nor would I do so even if I felt unfufilled; because I know the damage it can cause. I don't want to be dishonest in any way to others in my life anymore. That's just a personal point of honor with me now; and something I had to come to on my own.
Guess it all depends on the person and the situation. People can and do change--but don't expect it.

I don't subscribe to the Dr Phil catch-all "If they'll do it with you they'll do it to you" philosophy

But at the same time, do you really want to enter a relationship with this much baggage?

plus the only way you learn is by making mistakes...and that whole 'better to have loved and lost' thing...

Friends with benefits type of thing. You know you can't trust her in a real relationship.

"Once a cheater" rule is valid. The cheater can always make up excuses but they are still cheaters.

However, hooking up and other things benefits wise may not be a bad idea.

I mean, I could see if they were in a bad situation and had an affair... but, the way you phrased it sounds like she cheated with more than one guy rather than multiple times with one guy.

I'd be wary in either situation, but more likely to forgive a person if they had one affair with one person.

And, I'd agree with AngryAmish... when I was single and between marriages, I would have kicked myself if I turned down sex.

If she was that unhappy she should have ended the relationship and dated someone else openly. So what would happen the first time she's unhappy in her relationship with you?

I would avoid a romantic entanglement with such a person.