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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 05:37 PM
Original message
Anyone else feel they've not done enough for their friends and family?
Not been there enough? Not kept in touch frequently enough?

I do.

Bet you do, too. I get the feeling that pretty much everyone does.

Redstone
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 05:40 PM
Response to Original message
1. Ah yes, the Universal Family Guilt feeling!
:hi:

I am there man.
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MissB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 05:42 PM
Response to Original message
2. Sure.
Dad lives across the country- haven't seen him in person in over 3 years. I talk to him once a month.

One brother lives up north - too far to drive. Haven't seen him or his kids in at least 4 years. I call him every other month.

Other brother lives within driving distance (next state) but he's always out of the country. We email back and forth nearly every week.

Mom lives in the next state over. She's in town today and has been calling. I'm avoiding.

Guilt? Nope.

Okay, maybe.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:03 PM
Response to Reply #2
8. This American Distancedness does have a lot to do with that feeling,
doesn't it? And if "Distancedness" isn't a word, it should be.

Redstone
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 05:43 PM
Response to Original message
3. Nope, I feel like I get exploited by my friends and family constantly.
"Jon, help me with this, do that for me, blah blah blah." But whenever I need something, it's always low on the priority list.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:25 PM
Response to Reply #3
22. That's because you know computers. I get the same thing, no matter HOW many times
I tell them "I don't know ANYTHING about Windows!"

Redstone
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 07:13 PM
Response to Reply #22
33. So true.
Argh. Curse my natural computer nerdiness,
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 05:43 PM
Response to Original message
4. I was raised Catholic - guilt is my middle name.
Mea culpa.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 05:46 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. Mea MAXIMA culpa. Don't forget THAT followup!
Redstone
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 05:48 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. yeah, I feel ya there!
Act of Contrition anyone?
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:01 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. Not me, cool. Gone beyond that; no more need for such formalities.
Redstone
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:03 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. I am mostly over it myself
Every once in awhile the old cathechism comes up and bites me in the ass!
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:09 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. Boy, isn't it hard to lose.
Redstone
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:10 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. Indeed!
Damn those nuns were GOOOOOOD! :grr:
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:12 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. How many times did you get whacked across the knuckles with
the blackboard pointer (or the yardstick)?

Redstone
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:13 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. I lost count!
I was not the most well behaved child!

I was also one of the kids who asked the unanswerable questions regarding theology...
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:19 PM
Response to Reply #15
17. Asking unanswerable questions about theology? Bad, BAD idea!
"So, is the Holy Ghost REALLY a bird, or does he/she/it just LOOK like one?"

Redstone
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:20 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. Yes, and one lesson I never learned!
:crazy:
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:24 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. I vote for "just looking like a bird." Because the whole concept is pretty vague,
isn't it? (At least as I remember.)

Redstone
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:08 PM
Response to Original message
10. Yes.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:13 PM
Response to Reply #10
14. I thought so. We try, but when one dies or goes off to the Land Of
Alzheimer's, we wish we'd been there more. Don't we?

Redstone
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:17 PM
Response to Reply #14
16. I'm there now. Leaving my family wasn't about them. It was that I had
no choice because of harrassment. Now I am calmer and have nothing left to figure out and am left alone.. I can be with them. And I love helping them out.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:23 PM
Response to Reply #16
19. Good choice on your part. No matter how much you may want to do for
other people, you MUST save yourself first, in order to be able to do anything for other.

Does that make sense?

Redstone
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:25 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. It is a tragedy when you have to pick one over the other. But then I had no choice.
Edited on Sat Jan-27-07 06:26 PM by applegrove
I had to move.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:28 PM
Response to Reply #21
24. You did well. As I said, you have to save yourself first. And I've done that.
One of the reasons I moved from Pennsylvania to Connecticut was to get out ot the middle of my parents' divorce.

I lived close enough to them that I had one or the other dropping by my house a couple of times a week to vent.

Redstone
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:32 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. I had years of venting to do. My family had nothing to do with what happened to me. Except that
Edited on Sat Jan-27-07 06:34 PM by applegrove
they were naive. But so are most people in my estimation. Evil is not something most adults are equiped to handle. I wasn't able to handle evil people in my life. But I am happy, now, to be near home and able to lend a hand when I visit. My parents are at an age when they really appreciate the help. And they help me too. They always have.
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NC_Nurse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:27 PM
Response to Original message
23. Don't get me started.
I am constantly pulled by the needs of mine and my husband's family. We have a lot of aging
and disabled folks and no siblings who can help out. My husband is an only child and my brother is autistic.

Plus, I'm the nurse...every time we have time off we go check on one part of the family or another. And it never seems like enough.
They all live in different parts of the country too - so we couldn't move and be near everybody.

I try not to drive myself crazy with it. :shrug:
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:36 PM
Response to Reply #23
27. Sounds like you have quite the load. But you will look back on it
all someday and realize you have had so much and so many kinds of love in your life..that you were blessed. Other people away from family or familial responsibility don't lead a richer life than you. That being said..it is hard day in day out. Cause I have seen it and done it.
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NC_Nurse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:38 PM
Response to Reply #27
28. You're right.
I always think that we need to be there as much as we can while we can. I'm sure I won't regret it. :pals:
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 07:56 PM
Response to Reply #23
34. Kinda scary that we're becoming the Senior Generation, isn't it?
Good Lord, we're the GROWNUPS now!

Joking aside, yes, it isn't easy.

Redstone
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:34 PM
Response to Original message
26. My dear Redstone......
You know, I'm a recovering Catholic too.....

Luckily, I didn't go to Catholic schools, so I missed the nuns and their rulers!

As to guilt over not doing enough for my parents? I have none.

And for not keeping in touch enough? Same there....

I do call them now and then, but they have phones too, and do they ever call?

Hardly ever.....

And they were the ones who moved far away, out of reach......

So.........I refuse to be caught up in the guilt-trip thing....

We all have our own lives, and we live them the way we want to...

Just sayin'...
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Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 06:41 PM
Response to Original message
29. Oh hell yeah.
So much to do, the time gets away from me.
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NashVegas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 07:02 PM
Response to Original message
30. Not, Not Really
I have one sibling that one day, I'd like to present a nice check to - she paid for my braces when I was a teen.

Sometimes, the hands that feed are also the hands that needle, and needle, and prick. There's only so much you can do before you must put your self-preservation ahead of whatever obligations are imposed on you.

I travel to the hometown once or twice a year. It's always good to see them, but after a few days, I'm more than ready to return to my current home.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 08:00 PM
Response to Reply #30
35. You can only do what you can, as can we all. And I know what you mean about
"going to the hometown." We do it once a year, and that one day is enough (Old Home Day, with parade and all). Then it reverts to the insular, boring place it is for the other 364 days each year.

Much as it makes me homesick to go there, I could NOT stand to live there now.

Redstone
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auntAgonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
31. an emphatic YES.
Edited on Sat Jan-27-07 07:05 PM by auntAgonist
thinking about it brings me to tears. :cry:

aA
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AlCzervik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
32. yes, i miss my nieces and my Nana, i try to talk them at least once a week
but it's not the smae as being there, thats my only regret in moving.
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TheBaldyMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-27-07 08:14 PM
Response to Original message
36. definitely, it's not fair on the rest of my family
I wish I could do more than nothing. As it is I'm not even able to do a little.

I don't know if the feelings I have are guilt, I do know that I feel like a 24-carat shit because of it. I feel this way even though my inability to help out is because of 'circumstances beyond my control'.
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