Have you ever given an "ex bf/gf/significant other" a second chance ?

One lesson I am learning that sometimes people really surprise the hell out of me. And sometimes things happen for many reasons and you never know what someone feels unless you put your guard down open up your heart and let time take its course. I can't hold grudges forever. Its not fair to constantly bring up the bad past because you could prevent a happy future from taking place. When its meant to be, its meant to be ... and if you just feel something for someone damn you just feel it. ... It felt so good hearing that from someone else other than myself in secret.

I married her five years ago. We met in 85 and broke up for a while in 86, then got back together and here we are.

Though, it's never worked out for me.

thanks for the second chance any way. How are you doing?

Where have you been hiding yourself?

:hug:

Hope all is well.

:rofl:

All it did was make me miserable for another year. From that point on I always remembered there was a reason for the break-up in the first place. Once it's over in my mind it's over period.
I'm such a good ex too. Not like most who still want to "be friends" and want to know what's going on in the other person's life all the time, bothering and calling them and a lot of other stupid shit. I don't want to be enemies but I don't care what's going on in your world and I don't want to be friends either.

I thought she had changed, but she hadnt.

two months later, I discovered she had stolen my checkbook and written $1200 in bad checks on my account.

Never again!

Compared to my neighbor who co-signed for a new $26,000 car for his ex who's already married to another guy. She made two payments, he's been making the rest since so she'll keep having sex with him on the side when she or her new husband need money or new furniture, etc.

Same neighbor:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=5960744

my bank was kind enough to send copies of all the checks, some of which were made payable directly to her and clearly did not have my signature. When I confronted her with them, she still denied that she had done anything. So I threw all her stuff out of the apartment and changed the locks. NEVER AGAIN!

...managed to get several credit cards in my name and ran up about $5000. I didn't even know about it until two years after it happened and I went to open up a new checking account. When I told the creditors and law enforcement who it was and where she lived they didn't give a shit. They told me it was my problem and that they'd put me in jail if I didn't pay. So I spent almost that much amount in time and legal fees for the next two years clearing everything up. The sorry ass creditors? Once they were court ordered to drop everything against me and go after her, they found out she didn't have a job so they just dropped the whole thing and said forget about it. They only harass the people who can pay.

She used my address and my name
Put my credit to shame
Sunspot baby I'm going to catch up sometime.

apparently you do, too!

to get the bug out of my ear, that's the fifth form I've had it in now. Eight trac, cassette, album, cd, now electric. I like Bob.

are my two favorite Seger songs. I'm originally from Indiana and my dad was a huge Seger fan. When I was 16 my mom (they were divorced) was transferred to Detroit. When I told my dad, the first thing he said was, "At least I raised you listening to the right music."

But I think it depends on several things. What the reasons were for breaking up in the first place and whether or not there were any conditions or consequences met before that second chance.

In my case, it's worked out (so far) and I think something was learned on both sides. But very often second chances just result in more of the same old thing.

Every case is different, I guess.

The first time we dated he had some lingering issues from his divorce that I could not/would not fix for him. Trust issues, anger, self-destructive behavior, the usual. I sent him on his "walkabout" and six months later he came back. A year and a half later we got married and we've been happy ever since. I am thankful everyday that we went through what we did. It gives us an appreciation of each other that we did not have before.

:loveya:

I think appreciation is very important. Not taking each other for granted - that was something from both of us that really hurt my situation. Forget the small stuff - just be happy that they are there. I told my ex that I forgive him for all the hurtful things he did because he showed me that he was wrong - he is not the same person that he was a year ago , time matures people.

but "you don't miss your water until your well runs dry". Sometimes that separation can really open someone's eyes to have they had--and what it's like to lose it. When we broke up, I really did not foresee us ever getting back together. I hated to do it, but I had to get out of the situation. He had things he had to work out for himself--I couldn't do it for him. Fortunately for both of us, it opened his eyes.

When he first came back, he apologized and said all the right things, but I was skeptical. Then time proved that he really had gotten past a lot of the things that were causing us problems. It's been four years now and those changes were real, not just cosmetic to get back together. Plus, he's a much happier, content person now then he was before. I am so glad I didn't let that old hurt stop us from having another chance.

And we're still very happily together :)

I am happy it all worked out for you. Send me some of your karma LOL - because I feel that once you know that you really care from someone, you just know that its something worth doing. When you don't have to have sex with someone for them to spend time with you, it makes me damn happy. And I know I opened up about my private life a bit but its refreshing for me to let everything go and just live ...

I have intense abandonment issues, and even though I sorta knew what was happening, it still hurt. But I had faith in him--and we'll be together for the rest of our lives.

Sex isn't everything. I mean, we're now over 2K miles apart. Just talking on the phone is enough for me--but lying in bed together is best.

It was a bad idea, although that probably had more to do with the specific person than any general principle. Besides, I was quite young at the time. (From what I've heard, admittedly third- or fourth-hand, she's now a right-wing libertarian devil worshipper...in the sense of actually belonging to the "Church of Satan." :-( Scary, but at least she's one conservative who is making her allegiances clear!)

Yes, I took him back, and what a freaking MORON I was, because he was just as much of a dumbass the 2nd and 3rd times as he was the first.

After three times, I decided I was worth WAY more than the headaches he was giving me.

:beg:

Great one regarding the fish.

I saved the graphic to my Photobucket account over a year ago, and don't remember where I found it.

Google would probably help.

But by then, I was so distraught over the reality of causality and had to put a block up. It wasn't as much him as it was giving up something far more substantial, which is ironic because he first thought it was insubstantial, most of my time in the past was insubstantial and that's only because I met folks who cared about the insubstantial... And insubstantial just isn't worth it. And he broke up because he wasn't ready and I had read into things wrong, thinking it was far more substantial than it actually was.

In ways it still hurts me to this day, but there are only two directions one can go in life:

A. Forward
B. Six feet under

One cannot go backwards. Not even in a DeLorean or telephone booth...



Note: He had called me back. After nearly 6 years after our breakup (the day was within the same month), which seemed an interesting omen too. But no. He's aged well in spirit. Mine is lost.

but sometimes people change , people no matter the age can still grow up.

So did I. Recursively.

Once I've broken up with them or they broke up with me, that was it. No second chances.

Oooh, this guy was smooth. Thought he had really changed, but he hadn't, not at all.

Found out that he still couldn't keep his damned pants zipped.

After I found that out, well, buh bye!

I've never re-dated an ex. I even had a few chances at "break-up" sex with my ex-wife while going through our divorce... and I passed up those chances. And, we fell out of touch not long after our divorce was finalized.

I wouldn't say it was a golden rule of my life - it's just that I've never really been in a position to be that tempted. (I've since gotten married again, and have been married for 5+ years... so, anything from the past is in the past forever now)

But, I will admit to kicking myself over my ex-wife a few times because sex was something she was really good at it. And, I'm guessing that the young woman I dated the 2nd half of my senior year in college had shown up on my doorstep a year or two later, I would have been hard-pressed to say "no" to her...

After I'd had to call the cops on her, been pushed down some stairs, roughed up, yada, yada, yada. There is some sick power dynamics thing that happens in relationships sometimes that has nothing to do with love and I get caught up in that a lot of times.

What it would have taken for that to work was serious therapy on her part, joint therapy sessions for us (we made it to exactly one) and substance abuse treatment for her, because she never quite understood that alcohol changed her personality and therefore was a problem (forget about the coke, lol). I was already in some stuff myself and probably needed to do some work on codependency issues otherwise I'd not have ended up with her.

I guess it depends on the quality of the relationship. If it wasn't violatile the first time around and people peacefully parted ways I can see it coming around again and being healthy but if there are dysfunctional issues going on in the first one then it usually takes a whole lot of work and effort and desire from both parties to work on those issues and move them out of the way instead of continuing to assault each other with them.

I don't easily give up on anything. Once I do, it's done...:shrug:

It's how I'm wired -- I'm kinda stupid that way (although most people say I'm 'nice', 'big hearted', 'special', etc.). Oh well. x(

The first time AND the second time. I had a good reason to take him back and try again, but it was awful. Someday I should share the story of the second break-up, after he'd broken into my apartment and then was literally on his hands and knees crying, begging me for yet another chance.

No fucking way.

but never for more than sex and company :evilgrin:

And that only lasted for about two days.

I'll never do it again.

...had it wrapped in festive Santa Claus wrapping paper with a lovely bow on top. We had been split up for less than a week at that point. (I was so proud of myself...ok so I'm human)