Would a Counselor say this?

And let me say at the outset that I don't know specifically what kind of counselor or therapist supposedly said this.


The set-up: My ex-gf is dating a man who, as it turns out, is still married. She has been referring to the woman as his "ex", so I was a bit surprised to learn of this. (btw, the man is a long-distance trucker, and his wife, (or ex, as he calls her to my gf) is with his kids 1K miles away from where my ex-gf lives).

He's characterizes himself as "divorced" on his myspace page. He's told my ex-gf that a therapist (counselor?) told him and his ex that they should not tell the kids they were getting divorced, to minimize the impact on the kids. So apparently, they did just that, with them having separated but the kids not knowing (remember he's on the road a lot), but this went on for something like two years. And now, the kids know, but the situation hasn't really changed for another two years or so. He tells my exgf that the girls want to come live with him (I don't know if he has another house or not, I do know that he is staying at the wife's house right now, for a visit before he hits the road again), and he is waiting to file till they are 14 and can have their say.

It just all sounds fishy: would a counselor recommend a long state of what is essentially living a lie around kids? I mean, if the two people can get along and be adult, why wouldn't the recommendation be to be upfront and honest with the kids? Also fishy sounding: he has his story for not filing for divorce, but what is his wife's story for not filing?

I'm just suspicious that this guy has set up a situation where he can have a wife and a gf (and there is even another story of another gf that he is just finishing a relationship with, but that's fodder for another topic).

And I know of what I speak. No ethical counselor or therapist would ever encourage that kind of deception.

It just doesn't sound right, if I am hearing the story and timeline correctly.

lots of shitty ones out there.

That's bizarre.

I think we can all safely assume Mr. Trucker is a lying sack of shit, who likely has no intention of being divorced and probably isn't even separated from his wife.

One thing I left out, is that a mutual friend (male) of the guy and my exgf is now riding with this trucker, and even visiting the house he is staying at with his "ex" and his kids.

So you would think this would be a lie too large. Except, just about everything I've heard about him so far reinforces my idea that he can indeed lie that large.

I'm thinking that he and his wife may be estranged, but perhaps she thought they were working on it? Who knows? Maybe they have decided to divorce, but it was a recent decision, and he needs to make it seem to my exgf as if it's been a long done deal?

Gaaaaah, con men always have the upper hand, especially when you are too cheap to buy a 49.00 peoplefinder background report :-D

Pretty damned unlikely. He is probably easily proven to be a liar who wants his cake AND extra frosting.

Your ex-gf should wise up. If he is seeing her, he might well be seeing others along the route too.

Don't know that you should be the one to get the evidence and show her, but SOMEBODY who cares should. Emotional damage aside, what threats could such a liar pose to her physical health?

I've met the guy, and I don't get a dangerous vibe from him, hell I don't even get a sleazy dishonest vibe from him just from the short time I've been around him; but I think if I put in blunt, less than romantic language back to her, my exgf would have to pretty much admit that she is the number 2 girlfriend of a married man. She of course, didn't present it to me that way, and I suspect she'd be a bit shocked to hear it put that way.

Unfortunately only three states seem to publish their divorce court records, and Georgia isn't one of them.

He wants his creature comforts no matter where he is.

No reputable therapist would recommend this and anyway, kids always know when their parents are separating or going to divorce.

I've had experiences with a counselor/therapist who said some very rude, inappropriate and unprofessional things (IMO, anyway - it's my personal belief that someone who is having issues with depression and self-injury does NOT need to be told that, basically, they are stupid and they need to get a boyfriend. :grr: But that's just me). She came highly recommended, too, so I guess they're out there and you never can tell. :shrug: I hope things work out, though! :hug:

I'd be sure they are licensed by whatever state board they should be for their degree (counseling, social work, psychology, etc.)

I've seen schools around where I live turning them out right and left, with little guidance in their education or practicuum. It worries me no end to see this happening as my education and training were so carefully monitored and precepted by competent people.

You never know what someone will say to anyone.

:shrug:

They'll say and do anything to keep a client coming back. I've seen it. Often enough that I only make referrals to counselors who do brief and/or cognitive behavioral therapies.

Keep in mind, Woody Allen was in therapy for 35 years and he still married his stepdaughter.