Has Your Significant Other Ever Physically Hit You?

Mine did, long time ago, but it didn't happen again. I left.

Have you ever experienced Domestic Violence and if so? What did you do to cope?

She was wrong and she knew it, but she was in full-court melodramatic bitch mode. When she realized it wasn't working this time, she became so angry that she slapped me.

One other time she threw a glass at me (it inspired the first line of a pretty good song) and another she threw her drink in my face.

I never engaged in any violent act with her whatsoever, which many times during the last eight years or so of our marriage was damned hard.

"...full-court melodramatic bitch mode..." ;)
Sometimes people don't realize that's what they're doing...
It's good you didn't hit back, although I'll bet that was hard to suppress!
My ex was the type to 'just lose it', or so he claimed. So was I! ;)
But we were literally 'dynamite', after ten years. See: War of the Roses! ;)

'cause that sure as hell has happened to me a few times more than I cared for it too..

:mad:

Biting is down right dirty street fighting, in my book!
Besides, it not only hurts but can cause infection.

Are you okay?

to her credit that hasn't happened in quite a while,

but she would get mad at me and bite

it always made me really mad, and I am not a person who will hit a woman period- even when bit.

Not a pleasant memory really.

thanks for your concern

and it keeps reminding me of what I wrote here.

It actually makes me sad to think of it.

:cry:

:hug:

:hug:

but he threw a full can of beer at my face.

i am not proud of my response, but i socked him twice in the face.

it was the only time i'd ever hit someone (outside of the fistfights my sister and i used to have). this was after we'd broken up but before he'd moved out. it was the last time he pulled that (physical) shit on me.

his violence was not physical but verbal. i coped in ways that were not healthy.

i did not realize this at the time, but looking back, he was one abusive son of a fuck

:hug: I've been that angry myself!
Never thought I'd ever hit anyone...but I did, out of anger.

Thanks for your honest answer! ;)

but my ex whom I still love very much. We were under a lot of stress from outside sources and took it out on each other. I used to blame him. During a fight I backhanded him. He stayed with me, I ended up leaving awhile later.
All is forgiven and today we are very close. But I still hate myself for it. The whole situation was fucked up, not just that fight. We were young and didn't know how to handle the stress we were under. Fortunately he had better control over himself than I did.

We married very young and thought we were all grown up
but we weren't. It showed in our lack of coping ability.
But it wasn't until I got older; that I could see that.
I have no idea if he realizes that now.

My ex and I have come to that realization but it feels good to have someone else say it :) :hug:

I hope he realizes it. Tough stuff to deal with, eh? :hug:

And stood there while a stream of blood ran down my face.
I have been hit before But I don't hit back.
It is ungentlemanly to hit a woman and i have no respect for those who do

when she totally lost it. She became scary then. She got close to that state quite a few times but she only went totally off the rails and deep into the deep end a very few times in our 15 years of cohabitation.


I never hit her back -- for whatever reason, I guess I've got a block against it even though it'd be easy enough to make the case that (looking at it objectively) if she hits me she deserves exactly the same in return, and the sexual asymmetry of strength and my greater martial experience (she had some martial-arts background) are absolutely irrelevant in such context -- but I did block and parry her strikes such that her forearms or wrists were hurt or she was otherwise smacked about or had her joints hyperextended through the force of her attack meeting my active defense. I never followed through with counters but merely deflected her attacks....this, of course, only made her more mad. I should note that these were not play-fighting smacks she was dishing out: she is strong and she packs quite a wallop. The physical attacks she so rarely threw my way in earnest were substantial and were the result of almost total loss of self-control.

And she had the nerve to whine that my blocks hurt her, even calling me 'abusive' in the heat of battle (her battle, it must be noted...my agenda was just to be somewhere other than in front of her, but she'd follow me and chase me down when she was like that). Well, sure, you insane bitch...stop throwing punches and kicks at me and your limbs will be just fine.

I was hardly an abused husband, but -- on rare occasion -- I did have to defend myself against her when she flew all the way off the handle. I don't think she ever landed anything on me, though...not when she was like that, anyway, and serious (albeit in an unbalanced way, driven by psychotic levels of pure rage, not representative of her normal mental status) about hurting me.

Did I more than once aim my blocks such that I hit specific debilitating nerves in her wrist and forearm when she tried to deck me? Why, yes...yes, I did. :-)

:hug:



Yet your answer begs the question... what exactly did you DO to make her... "serious (albeit in an unbalanced way, driven by psychotic levels of pure rage, not representative of her normal mental status) about hurting you"?!?



:P

:hug:

That's a good question.

She always had a pretty hot temper, sometimes quick to reach slightly unhinged levels (often with her mother as the antagonist), but the last two or three times I ended up on the wrong side of its most severe manifestation were during the drawn-out period in which I dug up the evidence of her infidelity. I don't specifically recall what triggered her going into orbit, but the gist of it was probably guilt and resulting projection.

Actually, no...I just realized that I do recall the actual trigger, if not the specific conversational context. The two times I remember had me just wanting to walk out and go for a few hours' walk along the coastline, there being no profit to talking with her when she was how she was. I tried to get away but she followed me, screaming more and more stridently as she got increasingly worked up. My determination to walk, of course, only drove her further from reason...when I walked faster than she could she ran to keep up -- truly, the only way I could really have escaped her would have been to knock her down, but I wasn't going to do that even though I'd likely already have decked any man who was harassing and threatening me as she was. So I was kind of stuck, and getting more and more frustrated and angry, not least because of the whole backstory of her behavior and treatment of me over the previous year or so.

I've before been guilty of goading her a bit (or a lot), when she was ranting and raving with very little control, by remaining taciturn and calm, but this time I really did just want to escape her and the f***ing island I was stuck on with her. I turned my back on her on both occasions that I now only hazily recall, and that was my mistake...she absolutely hates that and it made her go all the way to the scarily insane anger I saw (thank goodness) so few times. Turning my back on her is what provoked her to go totally nuts, at least temporarily.

On the last occasion I remember her picking up some object and trying to strike me with it, but I can't remember what it was (though I hurt her wrist while disarming her...when she was attacking me she was robust to the max, but when I hurt her in defending myself she was suddenly a delicate flower and I was a hulking brute an d a cruel wife-beater). We soon had bigger things to deal with because the man (greasy little f***wit, I mean) she was messing around with broadened his threat to kill me such that it included her, and I spent most of the rest of the time on that dysfunctional sh*thole of an island (until the police caught him and locked him up in an institution, the funny part being that they soon after released him because -- psychotic as he was -- the doctors there determined he was no more crazy than another sumbitch on that island) skulking around like a ninja and trying to protect a wife who continued, to some degree, to betray me. I've still got the machete he was toting when the police got him. Man, I'd kind of forgotten just what degree of high drama it all was.

Her half-sister, along with half of my wife's family, took me in after all this -- once I came back to the US, because they didn't want me to walk away from the family. She made the same mistake, several months later, when the two met in the hospital where their father was languishing in pretty bad shape after a bad accident (the two women did not talk to each other for a couple of years, just recently renewing communication)...they had a minor verbal altercation, my SIL uttered a dismissive (and very tired -- she'd been up for a couple of days by her father's bedside and my wife was very late in taking her turn at the vigil) "whatever" as she turned her back to head for the elevators, and my wife went nuclear. She shot across the floor toward my SIL (in front of the nurse's station), grabbed her ponytail hard and yanked it, snapping her sister's head back...my SIL, pretty much reflexively, spun around and kicked my wife, and...well...a 6'5" male nurse my SIL described as looking like the actor, Michael Clark Duncan, managed to get between them at great personal risk and send them on their respective ways, but apparently not without a lot of noise. It was not the best time in anyone's lives. :-)

She sounds a bit off. Btw, I'm not coming to Vegas next week, due to unforseen circumstances :cry: . My SO will be there, and he's been invited to see the show (Elvis) at the Sahara...is he any good?

I'd just as soon let recede into the past. There was definitely something 'off' with her back then...we get on well now that we live in different states, and she regrets her behavior during that time.

No Vegas? :-(

I was wondering when, exactly, you'd be here this month....now I'll just have to wait 'til next time. :-)

Yes, the Elvis dude playing right now at the Sahara is very good. He's one of the better ones out there, performance-wise. He's a complete a**hole, though -- very arrogant and basically a person in need of a vigorous smacking upside the head (some of the Elvises here are like that, to a degree several times worse than merely obnoxious, and there's a loose clique of 'Good Elvises' who would probably just as soon see the arrogant ones planted in the desert) -- but he is very good on stage. He's one of the few of the uber-arrogant Elvis impersonators here who can actually sing. I think your man would enjoy the show. :D

:hug:

if not sooner. I like the idea of a clique of "Good Elvises", vs. the "Arrogant Elvises"! Maybe I'll be out there sooner. I can't wait to get out and travel again.:loveya:

Fuckityfuckityfuckity fuck. :(

People were bastards during my parents' time too. They're lucky to have found each other, but it is okay to be single.

:pals: :hug:

I may neither know or care about social standards, but to not be single is something I have wanted for a long time.

What I do care about is the fact that I've never had any kind of contact with anyone to the point where I've not even fucking held hands with anyone. I've had three hugs from outside my family; and never kissed. GRAGAGRGARGGH!

This is not how I want to live. :( I could not care what other people have or have not done by now, I just don't want to live like this!

I'm sure plenty of freepers (and DUers!) would cheer that day if it came, but I kinda give my own life some value and that's why I'm still here. I've got values that transcend petty sexual contact.

And you should give yours value.

Maybe all the other people are shithead jerks, best to be avoided? Half of them have diseases anyway and I sure as hell wouldn't want to die of one and become somebody else's statistic. Not even in South America, where politicians now help the children having children carrying diseases of choice... you know, the same diseases and situations spurned on in this country because we haven't fix our problem ourselves either.

The way people are with their promiscuity, you and I are infinitely better off. And I'm not using the term loosely either. Hell, even Newt Gingrich can't keep his unit in his pants and he sides with the lot that state promiscuity and infidelity are wrong!

:pals:

We have more time to spend on hobbies and living in general, than spending money on some person who, Lord knows, would leave us anyway - it's a common enough practice for people to do, so if that happened to us we'd internalize it anyway. Better not to internalize it and change focus to other things.

And I know it's not easy. But we do what we gotta do.

:hug:

firstly, yes, everything you said was true.

But when I said I have had little influence from social values, and what other people are doing, I was quite serious; I'm not after petty sexual contact; what I want is, when it comes down to it, someone to spend time with. I'm not going to compromise any values, I'm not after cheap thrills or sensations, I just really, really want someone who I can be such good friends with that they would be my girlfriend.

Actually, I'll take the rest of this to PM.

The one and only time he's ever struck me was in his sleep. He was dreaming about playing baseball, and in catching a ball he flung out his arm and tagged what turned out to be my throat. That was over a decade ago, and he still feels terrible about it. After I caught my breath, I thought it was funny - painful, yes, but funny.

There's almost a little boy sweetness in that, once my throat stops hurting from reading your words.

Our arguments are very rare and when they happen they are more like debates.

He knows that too. Fortunately, I have never been the victim of domestic violence. :hug:

having sex count? :shrug:


If it does then, yeah.

:rofl:

then it isn't the same thing...

however, it if is unwanted, or is actually hurting you and not playful, then that is something that is abusive.

:hug:

I just asked if it counted. "Other" is on the poll. :dunce:

:hi:

that you aren't hurt... are you calling me a dunce? :rofl:

You didn't have to explain it to me as if I was related to The Shrubs or Ann Coulter!

:P

my frickin' head hurts and I've been in a conference full of other social workers and I guess I need to just be myself again.

:hug:

:loveya:

sorry :blush:

:hug:

I don't want the Ms dem meanor upset with me :cry:

I want her to be :hug: me

:crazy:

I thought you was getting snippy with me. I was gonna send in the clowns! :evilgrin:

:pals:

I've been assimilated...



after they tried to kill me with bowling pins



:rofl:


:hug:

your gonna shit yourself!

:rofl:

:hug:

but the clowns are gone, and I've been assimilated as I said and well, that makes me clownish :crazy:

You've always been a clown since I've been on DU. :P

:silly:

no letting up...

just wham wham wham!

:rofl:

Yes, I'm a danged clown!

:+

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:rofl:

it becomes you too much...

:rofl:

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:rofl:

they look like they were meant to be in your posts to me...

:hug:

not me.

:hug:

I am a clown... :dunce:

now we are back to dunce...

:rofl:

:dunce:

:+

:dunce:

:+

:rofl:

:shrug:

other and specified it! ;)

Woah!

:evilgrin:

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

:yoiks:

I once suggested a little rough play...and I started getting strangled....I put an end to it right there....I am not above getting up and walking out on you in the event of a wrong move

Oddly enough, it happened to me once, too.

:wtf:

Well, not during sex, anyway...

:evilgrin: :hide:

Pervert.

for 3 years. I left after he pulled a loaded gun on me. I broke it off with him over the phone. He stalked me for years after I left him.

I did get hit by another partner after that, but I left him immediately, as I was not going to ride that roller coaster again.

What did I do to cope? In the first situation I did a lot of drugs and drinking. In the second situation, I left.

My ex-wife struck me when I told here that, because of our terribly rocky relationship, I wasn't interested in trying to procreate.

I put my hands in my pockets. I wanted to talk about it, and didn't want her to feel threatened after her outburst.

To cope? I got divorced. We're both much happier now.

a guy would never even think of hitting me because they know I'd get the nearest baseball bat and beat the shit out of them

:hi:

but I absolutley believe people pick on the people they know they can dominate - I grew up the only girl of six kids and learned early on not to take any crap from boys :)

Pinched me once. He verbally and psychologically abused me a lot.

N.B. He is my ex. And that, among other reasons, is why.

leftyclimbingpartner, however, treats me like the queen I am. }(

I can't imagine having to go through something like that. I don't understand how people can cause physical harm to people they supposedly love. To watch your SO look at you in fear and know that you're the cause of it...I just don't get that.

But I did date a guy in college who after I broke up with him, hit me. He slapped me across his face. I called his mom, I called his best friend, and I called his grandmother. His mother cut him off(Financially), his best friend broke both of his hands, and his grandmother took a switch to his ass. You gotta love 95 year old (native) Italian woman.
Duckie

and I can not imagine hitting my GF either. That will never happen, infact we never even yell at each other. Do we have disagreements, sure, but we don't fight about them.

I love her way too much to even dream of hitting her.

I'm thinking the punks I dated weren't okay with hitting a woman who was bigger AND taller than they were. Abusive words and actions can be just as painful though and I think they leave even worse scars.

My then fiance was angry at me, and he swatted me across my well-clothed behind....

I was angry back at him, but did nothing but glare.....

It was the only time in our almost 42 years together that he ever touched me in anger......

Once I threw a full glass of water across the room, but not at him, or anyone.......

And once he put his hand through the drywall.......

But those were the only times.......

:hi:

That's the happy part of the story. I'll spare everybody the lead-up to that point.

From the get go we agreed that there are no second chances for either of us when it comes to physical violence. Easiest promise we have ever made.

But, even when I've been in potentially dangerous situations (wrong place, wrong time) I have a talent for adopting a "Don't mess with me, or I'll go postal on you," stance.

I don't tolerate physical abuse or bullying.

The spouse knows I grew up on some mean streets..so thinking of hitting me was never an issue, the consequences are too damn great.

When she was losing an argument she would go into a punching and slapping rage that she wouldn't or couldn't control. She would usually aim for my face or neck. Out of self defense, I would always dodge her blows or grab her arms and hold her still until she calmed down.

It always scared the shit out of me when she did it though, because I was always afraid that holding her arms would leave bruises. Being a reserve deputy for a few years, I know who the cops are more likely to believe when it comes to a domestic violence dispute, and it isn't going to be the 6'1" 225lb. man.

I would have left if he did.

Now I have seen him mad enough that he could have possibly wanted to hit me, but never would he. I wouldn't hit him either. We do play around and wrestle, and at times, we have gotten rougher than we have meant to, but never have either of us hit one antother out of anger. I would have to go if that ever happened.

one time.....that's why he's the ex.

I don't believe in coping with abuse I believe in getting away from the abuser.

and I then left.

The person in that instance that attacked me pulled back a few bloody stubs. I think that made an impression.

:hug:

:mad:

There is NO excuse whatsoever for it, and anyone I date will know that upfront.

that if he ever hit me, he'd better kill me. He's not a violent person anyway, but I said I would leave him immediately if he ever raised his hand to me.

I'm not sure why I hung in there with him for almost 20 years, but I did. My new husband is completely opposite, and it's sure a relief.

The way I coped was by continually telling myself that it was his issue, not mine -- which he would readily agree with. It was pretty stupid for me to stick around, but I felt sorry for him.

She's one 'a them gesticulators.

Except it wasn't my SO... it was my biological father.

I was a teenager and pregnant, he threw me down the stairs. I miscarried a few days after that.

The whole episode has had me me pick relationships with very sensitive men I think... some good, some bad.... in terms of sensitivity.

Anyway, I've not seen or spoken with that sperm donor in over 25 years.

I wouldn't stand for shit like that.

It doesn't even take that much..I am willing to put up with some disturbances and occasional arguments, but if I can not live in peace with a person, they are out on their ass. My gf lives with me, and she is pretty laid back. One time she got pretty mad and she swatted me....and then she got this terrified look, because she knows I don't put up with that bullshit. I let it go, though, because I hardly felt it.

I don't let people hit me, and I never hit people.