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What do you do with someone who's terminally manipulative?

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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 11:37 AM
Original message
What do you do with someone who's terminally manipulative?
I know someone from another website. We'll call her Betty. (As in Bitter Betty, table for one.) The people at the website I'm referencing have historically gotten along well. Since Bitter Betty has arrived, though, things have gone downhill. BB wants to emotionally manipulate and throw tantrums when she doesn't get her way. BB wants us to relocate our site to somewhere "safer" after she was attacked by trolls. Did I mention that part of the reason why she's under "attack" is that she insists on engaging those trolls? After all, she can "reason" with them.

I know you've all experienced people like this. I'm just wondering how you dealt with it.

Julie
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Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 11:42 AM
Response to Original message
1. All it takes is one
of these types to spoil things. Sounds to me like this is an attention getting tactic...do you have an "Ignore" button? I bet if people don't react to her, she'll go away.
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:10 PM
Response to Reply #1
8. I wish we had an "ignore" button
In the meantime, I'm taking your advice and doing my best not to engage her.

I hope everything is going great for you! :hi:
Julie
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Raven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 02:53 PM
Response to Reply #8
16. I can't complain...
at present, I've purged all the manipulators in my life (I've had my share and they are very clever people) and spring is coming. :-) Actually, manipulators kind of fascinate me. I wonder how much work they put into this or if it comes naturally. For me, I seem to wake up to this a little late but I am becoming a master of the fast exit...life is just too short!
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RevCheesehead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 11:44 AM
Response to Original message
2. When you find out, please let me know.
I've got a couple of those in one of my churches. They keep finding fault with others, but it's their attitude (and behavior) that is driving people away.
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:03 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. RevCheesehead, that must suck
>They keep finding fault with others, but it's their attitude (and behavior) that is driving people away.<

I can only imagine how rough it must be to deal with in a church setting. This is a personal thing. I long to tell her "I'm onto you, I know what you are," but I know it will bring yet another emotionally charged and draining confrontation, and right now, I'm just not up to it.

I'm thinking of you and the rest of the KOEB,
Julie
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ms liberty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 11:46 AM
Response to Original message
3. Sounds like a person or two I've seen around here! LOL...
Of course, it also describes my SIL, who is the most manipulative person I've ever met.

I wish I coud offer you some advice, but the only thing I can think of is for everyone to ignore her. That's no help to you at all, I know. But you have my sympathies, and I'll send you some positive vibes!
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:07 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. Thank you for your kind thoughts, ms liberty
>But you have my sympathies, and I'll send you some positive vibes!<

I so appreciate this.

BTW, maybe we should get your SIL and mine together in a room and let them slug it out. I have one that will never own up to her bad behavior -- it's everyone else's fault. She's just "misunderstood".

:hug:
Julie
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havocmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 11:59 AM
Response to Original message
4. See if cheney would take her hunting
Seriously, I just avoid them altogether. Life is too short to dance with ugly personalities.

If the site offers an ignore feature, you may suggest the entire membership just put her on ignore rather than fall apart due to her manipulation. Of course, THAT will start quite a fight, but it will help YOU decide who to put on ignore. Life is too short to spend much time with stupid people too ;)
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:09 PM
Response to Reply #4
7. Okay, now I'm laughing!
>Life is too short to spend much time with stupid people too<

Amen. If I sent her hunting with Cheney, I'm sure he'd wrap the shotgun around her neck!

I'm over 40 now, which gives me license to basically stop interacting with those that bring this kind of pain.

I hope you're having a great day.

Julie
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havocmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:14 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. I am, thanks. Glad you got a giggle
Laugher tends to open the doors to more creative problem solving. :hi:
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:13 PM
Response to Original message
9. My MIL posts at your site?
How weird. She's dead.


But, she was indeed the master of manipulation. Right until she went in the ground.

I don't miss her at all. The hurt and betrayal she caused will live on long after *I'm* gone.

But, I'm sorry you're going through that, Julie.

:hug:
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southerncrone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:18 PM
Response to Original message
11. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore
Manipulative people must have someone to manipulate. If you don't play their game they go where someone will. These folks are usually supreme attention-seekers, so ignoring them is the worst thing they can imagine. Remember it takes 2 to tango in the manipulation game.
If you can privately contact others on site and encourage them to ignore her, too, she will find happier hunting grounds elsewhere for her sick game. ;)
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Dangerously Amused Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:26 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. Wise words.




Welcome to DU. I like your username.


:hi:
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southerncrone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 10:17 PM
Response to Reply #13
22. Thanks, I think your's is better!
Hopefully w/age does come some wisdom. It offers few other rewards! :pals:
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:20 PM
Response to Original message
12. Elect them
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Pierre.Suave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:28 PM
Response to Original message
14. Easy
press the big red ban button.
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Dangerously Amused Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
15. Date them.





:banghead:



Not that I'm bitter, or anything.
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 02:58 PM
Response to Reply #15
17. I was thinking "tie them to the best posts and..." but yours has more finesse...
:yoiks:
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Dangerously Amused Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 03:06 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. I like your idea better.




Wait. Did your idea involve pain, and not the good kind...?
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Maraya1969 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 03:10 PM
Response to Original message
19. I take a pill and go to sleep
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qwertyMike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 03:28 PM
Response to Original message
20. Re-Maniplute
Hit het buttons.

She's probably fat, divorced, alcoholic
Just sayin'


Or ignore
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-11-07 03:33 PM
Response to Original message
21. There's an easy way and a hard way. The easy way is to ignore
and then she'll go somewhere else to feed her addiction.

The harder way is to talk to her where she lives and that takes a lot of patience and only really handles one drama-rama at a time. Plus, you wind up sounding just like she does when she tries to "talk" to trolls.
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