For My 1000th Post I'm Requesting: Tell Me a Joke!

Please help me laugh a little bit today. Thank you kindly.

To keep from peeling. :rofl:

Thanks!

papa stork said 'i made a young couple very happy today.'
mama stork said 'so did i' and turns to the baby stork. mama stork asks baby stork 'what did you do today honey?'
baby stork replies 'i scared the shit out of some college kids.'

:D

:rimshot:

Thanks, Shecky.

and tells the President that 3 brazillians died in Iraq today. the president cries and screams "Oh My Gawd!!How many is a brazillian!"

To paraphrase everyones favorite joke.

He opened the door and there was only a snail on his porch. He picked the snail up and threw it away. Three years later another knock on the door. It was the snail again, who said, what was that all about?

:rofl:

because I work in a retirement center.

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing
Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the
famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be
put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the
audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye
on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my
family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed
the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's
fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the senior center.

thanks for that one, I think.....

:)