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found out today that my father died last sunday night....

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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 04:11 PM
Original message
found out today that my father died last sunday night....
Edited on Fri Apr-06-07 04:15 PM by mike_c
I got an email from my mother, who separated from him several years ago, asking whether anyone from the family had contacted me.

No.

We're obviously not a close family, and I haven't seen my father in decades-- actually my step father, but I've known him all my life. Still, it seems pretty cold not to bother telling me he was dead.

I took the afternoon off. Not quite sure how I feel about his death. I don't really know him any longer, I can't remember ever liking him, and the memories all suck, but it still seems somehow wrong to just go on with business as usual without doing something to mark his passing.
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 04:12 PM
Response to Original message
1. wow Mike, that's harsh
:hug:

I'm sorry, what sad news

:hug:
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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 04:14 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. well, right now it just seems more like ODD news....
Very weird.
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eyepaddle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 04:12 PM
Response to Original message
2. I'm sorry to hear that, here's to wishing
you the best in sorting yourself and your feelings out. My condolences as well.
:hug:
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u4ic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 04:13 PM
Response to Original message
3. I'm sorry, mike_c
that you didn't have the father you should have had.

Do what feels right. :hug:
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AllegroRondo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 04:18 PM
Response to Original message
5. Thats harsh.
but you should do what feels right for you. Dont let other peoples ideas of the 'proper' way to remeber someone bother you. It may take a long time to sort out your feelings.

When my dad died, my brothers and I went to his one of his favorite bars, bought rounds for the people he knew, and got really drunk. Its what he would have liked, and it felt right.
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xchrom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:23 PM
Response to Original message
6. figures from our childhood have meaning in our lives.
especially parental/authority figures.

it seems to me that you did exactly the right thing.

take time to figure what it means to you.

life shouldn't go by with out being mindful and paying attention to it.
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mopinko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:28 PM
Response to Original message
7. mixed emotions are the hardest.
when you love someone very much, and lose them, you miss them, but you don't have the kind of internal quandries that these situations raise.
be good to yourself. it's ok.
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GenDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:29 PM
Response to Original message
8. I'm very sorry.
:hug:
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Kajsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:29 PM
Response to Original message
9. I'm sorry, Mike.
Edited on Fri Apr-06-07 06:30 PM by Kajsa
Your last sentence sums it up,

" but it still seems somehow wrong to just go on with business as usual without doing something to mark his passing."

You did mark his passing. Don't forget that.

:hug:
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SPKrazy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:30 PM
Response to Original message
10. Sorry mike...
that is kinda weird... but who knows, maybe she thought someone else would tell you and they thought someone else would tell you etc.

:shrug:

any way you cut it, it still comes out with a weird feel to it.

so for what it's worth, I'm sorry, regardless of how you feel about him, you had some right to know...

:pals:
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wildhorses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:30 PM
Response to Original message
11. ---
:hug:
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MonkeyFunk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:31 PM
Response to Original message
12. yikes...
that's a tough situation. Sorry.
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S n o w b a l l Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:36 PM
Response to Original message
13. I'm so sorry...
I've been in a similar situation and I know those mixed up thoughts and feelings. No matter what we think our feelings are for the person, there's a deep psychological chapter that we can't ever forget.

I wish you the best in sorting out your feelings on this.

:hug:
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halobeam Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:36 PM
Response to Original message
14. I'm very sorry.
I have some family members that make me wonder what I would feel, when they do pass. I wonder if you could take something that you didn't like very much about him, and say, donate to people who are on the receiving end of the same type of experience? i.e. I have an alcoholic in my family, I might donate to a society that helps children of alcoholics. It's just a suggestion.

I'm sure you will find your own personal way through this. My thoughts are with you!
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bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 06:38 PM
Response to Original message
15. I hope you are able
to find a way to deal with this event and figure out what it means in the grand scope of things.

Peace and good thoughts

:hug:
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RFKHumphreyObama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 08:23 PM
Response to Original message
16. I'm so sorry Mike
My sincere and heartfelt thoughts, prayers, condolences and sympathies to you and your family:hug: I wish you peace :hug:
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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 09:18 PM
Response to Original message
17. thanks to all for your kind words and good wishes....
I feel oddly disconnected, like I'm an actor in a play about my own life.
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