My son's friend had a going away party (he's terminally ill)..(the friend)

My son & daughter-in-law got an invitation to his party..held on April Fools' Day.

They knew he had not been well for some time, but they did not know just how sick he was.

he's a single gay man who has no significant other , and no siblings or living parents.

He had the party catered, and once everyone arrived, he told them all that the doctor had given him about 2-3 months. He has cancer, that had been in remission a few times, but it back now..with vengeance.

He plans to work until he can no longer work, and is leaving for a trip to South America in a few weeks, but before he left, he wanted to have the party to give his things away to his friends.

My son said that everyone felt really creepy at first, but the guy said that he wanted to die . knowing that he had told everyone he loved them, and that some stranger would not be "pawing though his stuff" after he was gone.

He's already pre-paid his funeral and burial plot and quite a bit of the party was focused on "auditioning" eulogizers. (did I say the guy has a specatucular sense of humor?)

He had several keys made up, and gave them out, so people could use his apartment while he was gone on his trip and could visit any time they wanted after he was bedridden.

His car is being raffled off by a cancer charity after he's gone.
he had 3 people who wanted his cat, so they drew straws..

No one actually took the stuff after the party, but he placed stickers on everything and a lawyer friend "legalized" it for him at the party.

He wanted to know in advance, that everything was taken care of ..

He also made sure that everyone took lots of pictures , so that he would not leave "unnoticed".

My son's a computer-guy, and promised to help him do a computer-video journal of his "exit scenes" as he calls these last few months.

He's only 38..:(

It's always the good ones that leave us early.

I am touched and inspired by his attitude.

Your son is lucky to have been counted a friend.

This is just too damn depressing this early in the morning. How is your son? Were they close?

My son is upset at losing his friend, but is inspired by his attitude.

but for you and anyone even minimally connected. I think your son's friend acted courageously, with grace and humor and dignity. And your son should be proud to have a friend that thinks of him during this awful time. Proud? Yes, dammit - how many friends have you had that would come to your Wake before you died? Your son was invited!! That says a lot about both of them.



My god, what absolute valor this guy has!! :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

:hug::grouphug::hug: SoCalDem - call if you need an assist or an ass to chew out and PM me if you need the number (it's changed) or my regular email (it hasn't). I'll leave the ass kickings to Skittles, and she'll do a fabulous job. I am sending all the karma I've got left to your son and his lovely wife. His friend has made his peace, but it is SO DAMN HARD, even when you know it's coming. :hug::grouphug::hug:

You know we'll be here for you, your son and daughter-in-law, and your son's friend, not just in the end. We'll be here. :hug::pals::loveya::cry::loveya::pals::hugL

how many times did we have to do that stuff?

it all becomes one big moment of preparing to go -- some like this young man did it so, so beautifully and with grace -- others, not so much.

i can see that this young man will a light that is missed in this world.

The Lord Is Thy Keeper
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord thy keeper: the Lord thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth,
and even for evermore.

- Psalms 121: 1-8

Peace Be with your son's friend and also with your son.

He is going out on his own terms and not letting his circumstances dictate his actions. Live it out.

that no matter what you have to continue to LIVE.

pri

Damn. It sucks that such a vital person would get struck down at such a young age.

Hugs to him, you and your son! :hug:

This is one of the most courageous people I've ever heard of. We should all have the chance to die with grace and dignity as he will. There is much sadness in his passing, but we should all be as lucky to know someone as wonderful as your son's friend, in our lifetime.

Thank you for sharing with us. :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

the movie immediately came to mind. the premise is similar to your son's friend.

May the friend enjoy the time he has left, and realize, know, that he made a difference in this life-
grand gestures and accomplishments are not required. simply being is.

peace to your son and his friend. :hug:

:sigh:

That is a person with style and grace. :)

You have a chance to get your affairs in order, and maybe have a living funeral of sorts, rather than suddenly dying of other causes.

You go as long as you can.

:cry:

My MIL will die of cancer. If they're lucky, they can control it for a few years, but there's no curing it. Cancer is one of the worst diseases that have ever existed.

...I only hope I can somehow summon the same kind of strength and courage if I ever were to face a similar situation. :hug:

When I go I want my life celebrated with fun and jocularity; not sadness and mourning. This young man has his head screwed on straight. May he soon RIP!

and decided to plan her own funeral. She didn't want anything somber, so she worked with her sister to plan a a party worthy of Mardi-Gras! Balloons, bands, the whole thing. The only thing missing was Patti, but she was well-remembered!

He's doing everything on his terms and is dealing well with the reality of his situation. I think there's a lesson here for all of us -- be sure to let people know how you feel before it's too late!

...and it's obvious that he loves his friends.

Should I have the grace and presence and love to be able to have such a party. Then I ask myself, why wait until I know I am dying.



Your son's friend and your son and all of the man's friends are blessed and are in my prayers.

it seems the good, they die young.

so sad. But judging from this story, he sounds like an amazing person who most likely made the most of his life, and that's a good thing.

I can only hope to go out with some measure of humor and dignity.

all the way to the end. And making sure it goes the way he wants it to because he had the grace and dignity to oversee the process himself.

My Mom's done the same thing. Paid for her funeral, bought her plot, and there's little sticky things all over the bottoms of all her possessions with someone's name on them.

My Aunt was kind of the same way - she knew the end was coming and took care of the inevitable before it happened.

:(

Sad that he's dying, of course, but I love the way he's facing it. I hope that I can have half that amount of courage and moxie when it's my turn to go.

Your son is lucky to know such a person.

and very sad.

I hope he goes easily.