ralph visits the tax man

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and

no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win
money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about

a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand

dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks "I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and
pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop

anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully

and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he

agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he

strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on

the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major

loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head

in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me

he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars

that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd

be happy about it."