So, after the date he created an account on a local singles net.

May I tell you that I wish I were dead? I am so utterly despicable that not only does he dump me but he has renewed interest in other women and begins a fresh search. He hasn't written, ever, to say goodbye. He's fading away like the perfect gentleman, except he's not.

It's impossible to express how this is worse than anything so far. The wretched husband, we grew apart. The lover... I understand. This man, I don't understand what I did that was so repellent. I don't understand.

Wow, almost 4:00 a.m. and no fucking chance of sleep. I hope I never lay eyes on him again and in the meantime I will stay drunk.

I have no idea how that happens but it does underscore my absolute freaking horror. Luckily you're all in bed and won't notice.

Just because it didn't work out with him doesn't mean you're despicable. You said he wasn't the perfect gentleman. Don't let his problems become your's. Be kind to yourself. :hug:

Always looking at my good points and imagining that these are the things that people will see. It's not true, Nicole. I have no idea how to fix myself and I'm FREAKING OUT! Thank you for the hug! :hug:

You have to be kind when it counts. Right now you are hurting. This is the time to be kind to yourself. When you feel unloved is when it counts.

I'm sorry you are freaking out & I wish I had the right words to help you but I don't. So I will just leave you with a hug. :pals:

Always looking at my good points and imagining that these are the things that people will see. It's not true, Nicole. I have no idea how to fix myself and I'm FREAKING OUT! Thank you for the hug! :hug:

he's someone else's problem now...rejoice

All I see though is the big fuckup that is me. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a better outlook.

:hug:
Just repeat after me..."He was a republican","He was a republican","He was a republican"
Did you really need one of those idiots in your life ?

and it scares the hell out of me. Just *me* inspires a scenario I haven't fully conveyed. The last minutes involved passionately clasping one another's hands and looking deeply into one another's eyes. And then he vanished. It was a game, practically by the book, and I fell for it.

You are always realistic and kind; but J, how will I ever know what's real? He "loved" me! You know, for ten days.

Being eager for love is quite normal.
Screw the dope if he doesn't see what a great lady you are..Seriously!!
Besides you need a partner that makes you smile.
Making you cry over dinner is a good sign the guy had a mean streak in him.
And you don't need that.
It's better to find out now than two-three months down the line.

But what did I do?

I have no fucking idea. None.

Consider that.
Try to stop ripping yourself apart.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Not all negatives in your life are because of you.
:hug:

Most. Oh, forget it, but thank you. It's after five and I haven't slept so my brain doesn't work any more.

You displayed a strength and conviction in your beliefs that scared the crap outta him because he is probably only used to being around women who are followers and meek little brats.

He couldn't handle a strong woman such as yourself, and his actions show just how childish and weak HE is. His whole "you have problems" thing was just his way to shift the blame to you. Like in an abusive relationship where the victim becomes convinced it's somehow their fault their partner is a dick and that they deserve what abuse they got.

Don't let him shift the blame to you. It is not your fault in any way that he is weak and threatened by your strength amd convictions.

He is probably sleeping soundly, because he knows you're carrying the burden of his issues. Don't let him do this to you! He's a mosquito...of no value to the evolution of YOU!

His last words were lies so I know he's not right for me. But what did I do to inspire the lying? mentalsolstice, I don't understand what I did that was wrong? He pretended romance upon our parting and it was fake. Now, what kind of person is so incredibly fake? The wrong one, possibly. Or somebody who found me repugnant but didn't want to hurt me.

I'll go with the wrong one for two hundred, Alex.

Miserable. Incredibly fucking miserable. I wish I could sleep!

Rag!Rag!Rag!

Want something positive to focus upon? The separate living plan

don't blame yourself for someone else being a fake. Someone like that is NOT a good person waiting for someone like you to cause him to be bad. He's either a fake or gutless - either way, you did nothing to "inspire" that.

His loss, your gain in finding out sooner than later.

Hope you're feeling better soon!

a Manchild...the sort of person who enjoys breaking people's hearts for fun and really enjoys the unpredictability of fire or...The Vapor Trail or Five-Night Stand, the sort of fellow who cannot make anything last, gets off on being loved, doesn't really feel anything, and tends to be insincere?

These descriptors are actually from OKCupid...I think they're more concise than any summation of people that I can make. Read more if you'd like. (I think it sometimes helps me to get-over if I id the taxonomy of a bad date/relationship/fling.)

The Manchild: http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RBLD&g=1&o=1

The Vapor Trail http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RBLM&g=1&o=1

The Five-Night Stand http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DBSM&g=1&o=1

Generally, the gist is...he's a bad person and there is nothing wrong with you...except that maybe having not dated in many years the asshole/bullshit/freakjob detection unit may need a tune-up.

A Dirty Secret(1): An awful lot of "nice" guys (and women) are really assholes. Being "nice" works, if you combine it with charming, sexy, and smart...even if you're not a very-nice person. Those people always finish last...then people say "I don't know why (X) is single, they're so nice."

A Dirty Secret(2): Most first dates are utter rubbish...words of experience from someone who has a lot of first dates. You'll do fine...just stay on the horse. If you fall off, brush the dust off your fanny and get back on the horse.

despicable?

I mean, you already know your good qualities, having me repeat them serves no purpose other than to while away a few hours, and you already know that people decide not to get romantically involved with each other for many more reasons than "one of the two is a complete knfuffle-blitzen". (yes, I made that word up. What it means is the way you are thinking about yourself when you wrote the post)

For what it's worth, which may not be that much, I know that every person, to a one, on this planet has some things that are picked for almost no reason, things that are no more an indication of value or worth than "what is your favourite colour", but nonetheless are things that are strong, emotional, and cannot be undone... in fact, there are a couple of rational reasons too. Like he had a rightwing family that would make life difficult. Or something. It doesn't matter.

Some of us would never choose a smoker, someone who doesn't like animals, even people who don't drink.

We each have these criteria, and the fact that you are the one who showed him that women are beautiful again means there was a lot he liked in you, but it's kinda likely there was something specific, something tiny, some trait that many of us share, something normal that was simply something he could not accept... but here is the take-home point: It's just HIS set of things. It's individual to each of us, it's unique. You could go your entire life and never, EVER, meet another person with the same set of things that they could not stand in a partner. Or, like I said, he could have some rational reason why it wouldn't work.

The very fact that you've fired his interest, but he seeks to fade from your life points in really only one direction: That, like I've been saying, there was some small sticking point that he couldn't take, but the beauty you've shown him means he wants to find someone with your qualities bar one, which means he found you beautiful. Which means, more will find you beautiful. Which means, the sun will rise tomorrow and every day and look down a world in which you can be happy.

:thumbsup:

Great post, R_A! There's much truth here.

*snap*

woman-- quit blaming yourself for his prob

:hug:

ps. I hope you went to bed!

It ain't worth it!

:hi:





(please don't get drunk over a guy.)

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"I am so utterly despicable that not only does he dump me but he has renewed interest in other women and begins a fresh search."

Whatever he does/doesn't do doesn't mean that you're "utterly despicable."

Would you say such a thing to a female friend who was in the same situation? Probably not. Then don't say it to yourself!

I'm someone who's done a lot of beating herself up, and I'm trying to break the habit. :hug:

He's a jerk. That's it. Chances are the only action he'll see is in a porno.

get the hell out of the dating scene NOW before you wind up legally committed. Nothing you've written sounds surprising or unprecedented. Sometimes guys are just assholes.

:hug:

Ifnn I weren't married, and could take more than two steps before I fell on my face, I'd become you're stalker, no not really a stalker, but you'd have to beat me away with a broom, You've got what every man dreams of beauty and brains, at least the smart men.
What can I say he's a fucking repuke, stay within your specie, a word of wisdom about men and women.
A man is looking for every woman he can get to satisfy his one want and need, while women are looking for the one man to satisfy her every want and need.

Pick yourself up and go on, put down the booze it doesn't work in these cases.

Only that you think anything is WRONG with you!!!

Even 'nice' guys can be the wrong guy and I know he was the wrong guy because he wasn't decent enough to tell you why things wouldn't work (even if he just had a feeling he should have told you that).

I can't give you any self-love advice b/c it took me several months of counseling and several years of marriage to Mr. Debi before I could go back and look at each failed relationship and deduce WHAT went wrong. But you know what I found out? That in the instances where I wasn't glaringly wrong or outrageous (or he wasn't glaringly wrong or outrageous) the nice guy that I couldn't understand why I repelled him was messed up or WRONG for me in some subtle way.

Taking time sucks and being alone sucks just as bad when you don't want to be alone so I won't give you any feel-good vibes (unless you want them :loveya:). But I really, really want you to think about how RIGHT you are right now, today. And quit wondering what is wrong.

:P And if that doesn't work think about the repairman w/the cute butt!!!

he's the one w/ the issues?

BTW.... why would you want to be w/ someone who doesn't want you? You deserve something much better than that.

but why do you automatically assume the problem is you? Don't put that shit on yourself! He is an asshole. Don't make his problems yours...that being said here's a million :hug: 's .

another relationship?

a friendship?

a good time?

NEVER let the fact that a republican is an asshole bother you. It's the nature of that particular genus of beast.

Neither of you really owed the other one much of any explanation in what you do after the date you had.

You met someone, took a chance and he ended up being a pig. You should not be upset he did what he did, you should be RELIEVED you won't have to play his bullshit games and let him demean you in any way. Be grateful you didn't invest any more time in someone who hurt you from day 1.

Only you can decide if you're worth anything - not him, not your ex, no one - just you. If you want to meet a good guy get out there again and you will eventually find someone. If you're not really ready that's ok too, just don't let assholes like that guy define who YOU are.