Straight women Du'ers, did you change your name when you got married?

I've never been married, but don't think I'd change my name if I did.

I have mixed feelings about it.

and finally just kind of slipped into his name after our child was born.

drop my original middle name. The four names together seemed too long. I never wanted to hyphenate, and the two last names don't sound very well together anyway.

At the time I got married, I had a ten-year-old child who shared by birth name. My husband and I planned more children, and they would have my married name. No matter what I chose, I'd have at least one child whose name was different from mine.

I suppose I'd have been conflicted no matter what. I love sharing my husband's name, but I'm still me too, and my birth name reflects that. I could go by either socially, I guess. Legally I have my married name.

this one Yes, but I use my maiden name as my middle name now

the first two marriages didn't last, this one is 13 years and going strong

I hyphenated for the first year so that my identity in my professional life didn't get obliterated. Then, because I hated my maiden name a helluva lot, I took dh's last name.

I didn't change my name. No one expected me to, which is good because I probably would have yelled at them a lot and thought meaningfully about punching them.

but I was 22 when I married. I changed it back when we divorced. I don't know if I'd change it again. It was a nightmare the last time.

Besides, it takes more than sharing a name to make a marriage. ;)

But I'm considering changing my last name, father issues, but I'm worried it will screw with my records (military discharge, financial, etc) and was wondering what problems women have had with the change and the difficulties of the process?

Edit: Missing word

custom of a patriarchal society. If I chose my mother's maiden name, that would just be HER father's name, and so on.

I've wondered about the same things you have, and also if Homeland Security would be interested (seriously).

in the 21st century more people don't create a new name for their family? And you raise a good point within the age of Total Information Awarness.

The reason the government collects fingerprints, SSNs, birth records, and other information is to control their chattel.

had any problems. This was over 20 years ago.

I didn't like my family name very much and had no attachment to it.

when they get married.

She has expressed a small desire to change her name when she gets citizenship because she thinks there might be prejudice against her when looking for a job because of her Chinese name. But, I told her that with so much business being outsourced to China, her last name is probably an advantage more often than not.

Both my mom & her sister took their husband's last names when they get married (my mom in 1965, her sister in the late 50s) but nobody in my family has had a problem with my wife not changing her name.

I am happy I kept my name.

I was young when I got married the first time and not assertive enough to put forth my desires (my husband wouldn't have cared at all - it was just me being shy).

Then when I got married the second time, it seemed ridiculous to keep first husband's name so I took second's.

When we divorced, I went back to my maiden name which I've always considered my real name. And my current SO tells me that if we ever get married, he wants to take my name (I'd just as soon we each kept our own). :)

I now rather wish I'd hyphenated it, even though I wasn't fond of my original name; it was part of my identity.

I love my poppa, but I don't really feel the need to hold onto his last name...besides, he gave me my first and middle ones too :)

:shrug:

:hi:

so unless she keeps it, it will be gone from our lineage; I feel weird about that.

will spawn eventually (he's only 24 now). So, I'm ok with it. :)

No regrets. No fallout.

Lots of things still come to me with my maiden name. His mother is a bit appalled, but I told her it really isn't any of her concern.

Mainly because I thought it sounded better than my maiden name. :)

:( I had always maintained that I would keep my maiden name if I ever got married. My husband knew since I met him that I would keep my name if I got married, and he was just fine with it. I kept that plan until about three weeks before my wedding, when both my mother and his mother gave me complete hell about keeping my name. (I mean, of all people, the WOMEN??? :grr:) They were relentless in their hostility toward me keeping my own name, and with all the other stress I was under before the wedding, I caved to shut them the fuck up. :cry: I wish I'd been strong enough in 1992 to overcome the bullshit, but at that time, I wasn't. :( It's not a bad name, it's just not MY name.

I have maintained my own identity and always will. I am not "Mrs. So-and-So"; I am NewWaveChick1981. :) If I ever get divorced, I'm getting my own name back and keeping it for good.

Edited to add: I'm not straight---I'm bi. But I'm married, so I felt OK answering your question. :)

cards to us as "Mr. & Mrs. (My Husband's First and Last Name)" which annoys me. I know that was standard when she was young but I absolutely refuse to only be the "Mrs." in that equation. At least call me Grace (My Husband's Last Name).

I'd be sending the mail back with "No such person lives here" written on it. She quickly changed her attitude. x(

and very excited to change my name :)

and sniffa.

And I LOVE your avatar :toast:

:hug:

You're a sweetheart, y'know... :*

So are you. :hug:

Your ring is absolutely gorgeous - I really love it. : :toast:

I was eager to get rid of my maiden name because I didn't like it all that much. But, 20 years ago I started researching my family history and saw how women's past just disappeared when they got married. I have female ancestors whose parents I can't find because I can only guess at their maiden names.

I've told my sons that when they marry, they are not to let their wives give up their maiden names. Sure, this isnt' the 1800's. It's different now with all the documents available to demonstrate a name change. But they shouldn't have to give up their past identity to build a future. They can hyphenate or they can continue to use their maiden names. But I'd be very upset of they gave it up entirely.

your sons can't "let" or "not let" their wives do anything with regard to names. Telling a woman she cannot change her name at marriage isn't much different from telling her she has to.

Yup--from Dunham to Hennessey. Now whenever I say my name is Hennessey people get a big smile on their face and say. "Oh, that stuff sure is good to drink." Hummmm, maybe some of you should change your names to Bacardi.

I don't have a hyphen. Would I do it again? I'd keep my own name. I get tired of the spelling.

Julie

Because I always had to spell out my first AND last names to people, which was a total pain. Plus my maiden name is Italian, and I was sick of the mobster jokes (not to mention all the discrimination--whee I guess it's still okay to pick on the Italians). I did make it my middle name, though, so I could still keep it around in some way.

i was totally fine with the change.

:rofl:

silly is was "Mulva".
:+

I took his last name for two main reasons:

1. I had a bad family life growing up and I wanted to separate myself from that surname.

2. As bad as the spelling and pronunciation is for my husband's surname, it's not 1/2 as bad as my maiden name was.

Interesting question though. I know a couple who decided to blend both their surnames when they got married...her name was Anderson and his was Oxley and when they married they both changed their name to Anderley.

birth name and legally changed my name to that name. If we had had any children, they would have had that name. My husband was totally supportive but didn't want to take the name himself. I totally respected his desire to keep his own name.

I kept that name when I got married the second time. It's a totally unique name, which I love. :)

I heard all the arguments and decided that the name I was given at birth was perfectly fine. Yes, it's the same as my father's surname but that only means that it functions like a patronymic, just as it does for my brothers. If our society issued surnames based on matrilineal descent it would be no different. Like sybylla I am a genealogist. Many family researchers don't bother to trace the female lines, as if the families that woman are born to have no relevance. Sometimes the naming patterns of children are the only clue to the women's original surname.

I absolutely hated growing up with two last names. I was very eager to take my husband's name.

I like the sound of his name better than mine. I was also tired of seeing my maiden name spelled mine wrong.

Years ago when I was in college, Me & the first mistake went down to the court house to register a common-law marriage (Bexar County, Texas) and the clerk tore up three forms he was typing because I would NOT change my last name. It's called a "Declaration of Common-Law Marriage". I asked him "Where in the Texas Family Code does it say I have to change my name? Show me the statute."

He couldn't, of course.

We went to a lawyer for advice and he told us the county clerk committed a misdemeanor by not registering us, and for us to go to the J.P. and get married legally.

When we were living together his parents called us up and yelled at us. They thought if we lived together six months, we would wake up one morning and by magic we would be married. I asked them "Show me where it says that in the Texas Family Code". Of course, they weren't lawyers, but thought they knew everything. They couldn't show me that one either.

My dad was a divorce lawyer so that's how I knew all the conditions for a common-law marriage.

That marriage didn't last very long. He slept with seven of my girlfriends, and couldn't understand why I got upset. Immature little shit. He eventually signed a waiver and we got unhitched. My dad represented me and I typed my own divorce petition. :D

Been living with the present SO for 13 years. We couldn't get married until his wife #2 who had cleaned out the house and abandoned him, showed up and wanted a divorce last year, a mere 16 years after she cleaned him out and left.

So he got a divorce, finally. Now my problem is that there are two ex wives of his that are jerks that are Mrs. Hisname, and a daughter in law that is Mrs. Hisname who is a slavering frothing at the mouth screaming fundy, and I'm not sure that I want to have his last name because of the three Mrs. Hisnames that I would be ashamed to be connected to or mistaken for. And the worst part is that the first ex-wife has the same name that I do, and the second ex wife has my deceased sister's first name.

The county clerk and the ex. The ex, of course, is a dip to the nth power.

I like the names I was born with, and seeing as how I have six (four if you don't count the confirmation names, but I do), changing or adding another was not something I had in mind...

If we have kids, they'll get her name too, to keep it going. Mine is common as dirt, so a few less of those won't be any loss.

At first I was very reluctant. Were I to marry again, I wouldn't change my name. It bothered me the last time and it would bother me again.

But only because my maiden name contained a pejorative that resulted in my getting made fun of a lot when I was a kid. And it didn't get any better when I got older, and people meeting me would say, "Oh, you must have been made fun of a lot as a kid." No, really???

If I didn't have that issue, I would have kept my name no matter what.

I like it better than my maiden name, which is a British slang for a stupid person. I'll probably even keep it.

I always knew I would keep it even as a kid I can remember wondering why the women had to change their name and what a pain that must be.

Funny story: My husband and I KNEW the first moment we met that we were a couple (I moved in with him on our first date!). So a few weeks into the relationship we were walking down the road after going out for breakfast and he says, "I know what my wife's name is going to be." And I'm thinking holy shit, he's going to officially pop the question right now! so I answer, "What?" And that sly devil says, "Mrs. HisLastName" at which point I burst out laughing and told him of MY plan to keep my last name. He was really flummoxed for about 2 seconds and then laughed and said "well then, I guess my wife's name isn't going to be Mrs. HisLastName".

And that was it. That was my marriage proposal and the entire discussion about my last name.

For whatever it's worth, his last name is a long Polish name that nobody ever gets right and even now when we have to make reservations they are always under my simple last name!

And one more bit of trivia: my 94 year old grandmother still doesn't consider us married 20+ years later since I didn't take his last name.

I did change my name to my husbands'.

I hated my last name, and I couldn't wait to be rid of it...

I did keep it as my middle name, though...

Taking my husband's made us a family...

I am very old-fashioned about this; if I were ever to marry again, I'd still take his name.

My daughters did things a bit differently; my older one kept her maiden name, and my younger one took her husband's.



I didn't care what they did; it was entirely their call...

It's not that I even mind being called by my married name, and I'm sure that will happen a lot if we have a child, but I just never understood the need. I like my name. Plus it starts with "A" so I'm always on the first page of reservations lists.

One time we were even able to both enter a contest because of our different last names and we both won! It was for tickets to a private Neil Finn show and it allowed us to bring our two friends who were also into Neil Finn.

I have a cousin that changed her middle name to her last name and took her spouses last name. That was cool.

~To each their own~

and if you can't compromise...it probably isn't a good idea to marry...

My husband had been married to a woman who never wanted his name...he was okay with that..but when she started cheating 3 months after their big church wedding...he felt in some way that her reluctance to take his name was because she wasn't really committed to him.

So...because he had been burned before...this was one of those stupid issues that he had a hard time letting go of...and he is a good man and a very liberal democratic kind of guy...so because I loved him and I wanted to make sure he understood that I was committed to our marriage...I took his name...even though I had never intended to do that...and I am to this day a tad bit regretful..because I felt my maiden name was a link to my father who died when I was a child...but once again...it is all about the compromise...and in many ways I got a good man who had this one hangup...

;)

I am currently encouraging the husband to do the same. Thus far, no luck.

that I never changed it back.

Now I probably wouldn't change it again because everyone knows me by this name now. Weird to be carrying around my ex's name after all these years, but it's grown on me.

everything switched over, too lazy to switch it back again and...

whassa big deal my last name was my father's last name

one man...another man :shrug:

i like this last name better so i kept it

misspelled, mangled, etc. When I got married I was having a few issues with my dad (as to how he was treating my mom; all since resolved) and felt I needed to make a change/symbolic break. Plus, I love my husband's last name, so I took it.

:)

I dislike the term "maiden name." It just rubs me the wrong way. I don't have a problem with what any one person decides to do about her name - change it, not change it, hyphenate, make up something new - but calling her name her "maiden" name just bugs me for reasons I'm not sure I can articulate.

I refer to my "maiden" name as my birth name. It's the name I was given at birth. I don't know how that would work for someone who had more than one "maiden" name through adoption and/or a parent's remarriage.

make up a new name for their new family, perhaps a hybrid of their two names. Or, the marriage ceremony should include a ceremonial coin toss - heads they take her name, tails they take his. Why the fokkity-fok should it always be the woman who gives up her identity?

to mine. Professionally, I tell people just my maiden name but everyone else knows me by the two last names.

it was a big deal to me at the time.

I never really understood the whole name change thing.

Well, I might have if my last name was Buttz or Lipshit or something.

My sister did though and then had to fight, tooth and nail, to get a loan
because they required her husband's signature despite the fact that she
made the most money and was the bread winner at the time. She went
to court(OK) and fought and won! She changed her name back and bought
the house. ;) During(?) that time, I was planning my wedding and she
advised me not to change my name and I followed her advice. ;)

We know we are family.

I love being Mrs. So and So.