WAAAAAAAAAAAAH....

Man, my problems are so small and petty compared to others on here, and definitely quite insignificant compared the problems facing our country, our species, our planet--so small, I'm embarassed to mention them here. Still, I'm having an utterly lousy, terrible, horrible week so far, and at this time of day DU is the only place I can go for sympathy.

All I'm saying is that I need cheering up pretty bad. If you know any good jokes, websites, videos, stories, pictures off the top of your head, I'd love to see them.

a man calls his wife at home "I just won the lottery! 20 Million Dollars! Pack your things!"

She says "What should I pack for? A cruise? A beach vacation? A European tour?"

He says "I dont care, as long as you're out of the house by the time I get home!"

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two guys are golfing, when a funeral procession drives past the golf course. One man takes off his hat and waits in silence until the procession has gone.

His golf buddy says "Gee, that was awfully nice of you, showing respect for the dead like that."

The guy says "Well, its the least I can do. We were married 40 years."

Hmmm, I take it you're married?

funny, those were just the first ones to pop into my head. Except for the musician jokes, which most people dont like anyway.

I know a great one:

There's this rock band, and they're having a really good gig--the audience is hollering, girls are dancing, and the music never sounded better. A rep for a big label is in the corner, making a urgent phone call on his cell. Everyone is pumped.

The lead singer is thinking: This is awesome--we're going to make it big, and I'm going to score so much. Groupies, movie stars, chicks who wouldn't talk to me in high school--you name it. I'll probably be getting laid every night.

The guitarist is thinking: This is incredible--we're going to make it big, and I'm going to be making so much bank. I'll finally be able to afford my designer drug habit, pay off my debts, and still have cash left over for the weekend.

The drummer is thinking: This is fantastic--we're going to make it big, and I'm going to get some respect in the industry. I can borrow some equipment, hire a producer, and start that experimental side project I've wanted to do for years.

The bassist is thinking: G...D...G...F...G...

in line at the pearly gates, St Peter questions people before they can get into heaven.

"What did you do on earth?"

"I was a doctor, I healed people, eased suffering, and made their time on earth more enjoyable."

"Sounds good, come on in."

next....

"What did you do on earth?"

"I was a wife and mother, I raised 3 children, and volunteered to help my community."

"Sounds good, come on in."

next.....


"What did you do on earth?"

"I was a musician. I made joyful music that made many people happy."

"Sounds good. Go around back and come in through the kitchen."