How do you know when you are completely "over" somebody?

Is it when you start wishing him/her the best instead of death &/or disembowelment?

in my experience.

Even little bits of contact stir things up.

... how long it's been since you saw/spoke with/thought of them ... then I'd say you're in the home stretch.

Good luck! :hug:

any more. More like disgust.

... keep on bein' you, living your life as it comes.

The antipathy will subside. When, depends on how long and how deeply you were involved, and how much you invested in him/her.


:pals:

I'm afraid I know where the body is but I've no inclination to take a look at it. :P

:hug:

The side effect of my disastrous date was a realization that there are other fish in the sea. The thing is, I still remember him as vile and hideous (so uncharitable!) and I think that when that feeling goes I'll be in excellent shape. You know, total indifference.

Hi, Hypno!!!! :hug:

it's always just been one of those things i've just known, but it usually includes me being able to smile when i think of them rather than cry

Hey sweetie, I hope you're only smiling these days.

mostly smiles these days for me. actually, more like a big dopey grin :)

i hope you've been smiling more of late too :hug:

of penicillin

That would certainly make one want to forget!

Sorta.

sometimes it may take years... sometimes never. I have a friend of a friend who still has a certain someone in his heart, someone he has not seen in over a decade, someone with whom he forged a very deep connection that, for a variety of reasons, did not result in a long term relationship. He has never gotten over him and probably never will.

but it's been another decade since and now I have no feelings for him other than fond rememberance. I'm sad for your friend... that's tough.

- being able to wish someone well. It indicates you've let go of the anger and pain, and are back in synch with your own innate goodness.

Indifference is also a good indicator.

If something brings up the memory of the particular person, and the thought of them just passes through your conscious, rather than your conscious capturing and holding onto thoughts of the person, that's a good indicator you're over them.

:hug:

:hi:

Hiya, some guy! :hi:

i dont think you necessarily have to evolve to wishing the best to someone who was an asshole to you.

Though personally, I do wish the best for everyone I've been involved with in the past. Even those who did anything bad to me. Happiness could only make them better people, and that's a good thing to wish on anyone. This doesn't mean that I wouldn't wish someone to fail in some specific way, if that person is wrong in that position, like Bush. But that's not the same as wishing general happiness, the best, on someone.

Sorry to go on like that. :)

:eyes:


:hug: J/K

:hug:

I'm never going to wish him well and that's a fact. Nothing he did was a "mistake" - he was a selfish asshole when I met him and proved it time and time again after the first time he left.

Yup, I still hate his fat fucking ass. :rofl:

as long as life is continuing as it should, without regrets or sadness screwing things up.

although the colors may eventually fade and lose their vibrance, the threads often remain for quite some time, regardless of how tattered and formless they become.

One can come to terms with the effect a person has on your life. It isn't the same as forgiving or getting over though.

that was nice. :thumbsup:

:(
I thought we had something special :silly:

:shrug:

that refer to him. Sorry.

I feel your pain Crim; you know I've been there. But I don't think you're over it yet.

You'll get there.:hug:

I keep getting half way through a week and realizing I haven't cried once, or perhaps even thought of him, and I am amazed. It's really a good thing that he was such a bastard at the end because that's how I remember him & it helps.

I know you've been there and I admire your strength. :hug:

sorry

I hope!

:shrug:
























:P




















:hide:

I hadn't considered it that way. :)

You know, that guy...um, what's his name. Whatever his name was. Anyway...

Well, not for thirty years or so.

For me the nauseating disgust is largely gone after less than two weeks--but I don't know how I'd feel if I saw her/them right now. My hunch is the resentment would come crashing back.

:hug:

Disgust untainted by sadness is new and I think I'm at the same stage - if I were to see him I'd become very, very angry. But not sad. That's a huge step. May we both find a way to move away and beyond, and quickly. :hug:

which is why I think I'm moving through the stages quicker. The first two overlapped and I was shattered for about five or six years.

In my case there were a few complicating factors--I think you'll be largely past it much sooner than that. But it never ever goes 100% away--at least not with me. I have to pause to remember those days and try to remember what I felt like. The intensity is gone, the echo is just the merest whisper of the calamity, on some levels I don't want to forget.

I don't know why that is.

This time sending the offensive email which was soundly paqnned by the lounge REALLLLLLLLLLY helped me feel like less of a chump. If I was gonna be treated like an asshole, I figured I might as well act like one.

Honestly, it really helped.

repulsion, nor attraction, but instead just reverent feelings of good towards the person.

:shrug:

About twenty years, then. Maybe fifteen. Hi pawpicker. Why aren't you working? :P

Didn't I tell you this?

:eyes:

:rofl:


maybe the answer is never. Hi crimmie! ;)

Seriously. It takes a while, though. :hug:

I had a friend tell me that once

I'm fine then :shrug:

I'm cured! :rofl:

with yourself.

(Note, this similar to underpant's post... But, more general.)

yes

:hi:

and see them beneath you?

:shrug:



:evilgrin: