Musician joke Tuesday!

Why do bagpipe players walk while they are playing?


To try and get away from the noise.....

pay for the pizza

because drums don't have spit valves....

Shine a Flashlight into her ear......

when the root of the Bass is in the Soprano's mouth.

it took an hour to get the drummer out.

they cant swing, and dont know how to use the slide.

:rofl::rofl:

the drum machine wont steal your girl and smoke your stash

the pizza can feed a family of 4.

So they don't shit in the middle of the parade!

THAT'S one I never heard

take the Domino's sign off the roof.

right after a visit to the pawn shop.

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar

What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ...
The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"

Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zones.

What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.

What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

:hi:

:rofl:

... you throw an accordion into a dumpster, and you break a banjo that's already in there!

She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

put sheet music in front of him.

With a bull, the horns are in the front and the asshole's in the back.

The knocking speeds up...

RL

The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?

a drummer

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

homeless

"Is that the banjo player's Porsche?"

Bake

It's harder to hit a moving target.

Lots more here: http://www.accesscom.com/~reellass/scd/funstuff/bagpip.html

Eight; one to screw it in and seven to:

(a) complain that it's electric.

(b) lament about how much they miss the old one.

(c) complain that Earl wouldn't have done it thata-way.

(d) argue about what year it was made.

(e) argue about how much it costs.

(f) ask what tuning she's using.

(g) stand around and watch.

OR

10: one to do it & the other 9 to stand around & say, "I could have done it better."


Bake

So bass players can understand them too.

Bake

"Say, son, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

The son answered eagerly, "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up!"

The mother sighed and shook her head. "Dear, I'm sorry, but you can't do both."

Ba-dum--PSSHT.

The snake was on his way to a gig.

The knocking gets faster and faster.

One of them eventually matures and earns money.

It takes five. One to change the lightbulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, I coulda done that if I had his studio time."

Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

one, he just holds up his arm and waits for the world to revolve around him.


five, one to change it and four to talk about how Maynard could have done it better.

A drummer.

That is the question

St. Peter asks the first man, "What did you do in life?"

"I was a doctor," says the first man. "Over the course of my career, I saved dozens of lives."

"Wonderful! Please go through the Pearly Gates."

St. Peter turns to the second man and asks him the same question.

"Well, I was a file clerk with a small accounting firm. I never saved anyone's life or anything like that, but I always tried my best to live an honest, moral life."

"That's all we ask. Please go through the Pearly Gates. And you, sir? What did you do in life?"

The third man says, "I played guitar in a small rock band."

St. Peter sighs loudly.

"Around the back, up the service elevator, through the kitchen."

You could tune a Chainsaw if you really had to.

take the one with the best pitch, and shoot the rest.

homeless

Just one. He climbs on a chair, aligns the bulb to the plug, and waits for the world to revolve around him :D

Drool.

take away one stick, and make him a conductor.