Some people are capable of more hurt, lies and deceit

than I could ever give them credit for. Makes me very sad to be lied to again.

I hereby will stop underestimating their ability to be hurtful.

and I lawyer up this week.

Cynicism, on.

RL

I am very sorry. :hug:

On edit: Email me if you need someone to vent to.

I keep telling people I'm going to walk out or put a plastic bag over my head. I'm so cowardly, I can do neither.

:shrug:

:D

:hug:

I hope you come through this on top.

mean people really suck.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.


:hug:

I've been away for awhile, and I hope this isn't the same stuff you were dealing with last fall. I know after my divorce, I gained a new disrespect for lawyers.

:hug:

I'm a lawyer and I know I gain all kinds of disrespect for people who want me to be the scapegoat rather than just a dispenser of legal advice.

But then, some don't want to hear about the law. They want to hear about their fantasy where the court system heals their emotions.

:hug:

I wish I could make it better.

Unfortunately, very few people can get through something like this without CYAing.

:sigh:

Hugs and kisses, my friend.

:hi:

And yourself?

I went and visited Haruka for a few days. Just got back this morning.

:) How's the wedding coming along?

We have alot of BIG stuff done, now we have even more little things to do.

:cry:

God, sometimes I wish I could just put the world on Pause :D

:hi:

If I could help, I would.

That totally sucks big hairy donkey balls, whatever it is.

:hug:

but here's some good vibes.. :hug:

sorry things have gotten to this point, cynicism and pain seem to go hand in hand.

It sounds likelawyering up is a good thing to do at this stage.

take good care :hug:

..beyond belief...sometimes, really.

I'm sorry. I don't think I am cheering you up any.

Hugs for you RL.. :hug: :hug: :hug:

if lawyering up is the way to do it, then get the best you can find.

If I could do my divorce decree over, I would in a heartbeat. I'd be happy to share my list things that weren't covered that should have been...

I Hope for the best.

:hug:

my two just about ruined me...sorry, thats not helping, is it?
have one of these :hug:

i will say that looking behind at them is better than looking forward ever was;)

Resentments are toxic...

RL

something along the lines of

"Dear BOB*, give em what they deserve"

:rofl:


*BOB=Big Omnipotent Being

when you get to a point where you no longer expect the person to be different. I don't think you can do that while you are still emotional involved. You have to get to a place where their lies and deceit can't affect you. With me, I stayed married but in separate rooms for many years (kids were involved, so I didn't just leave), then finally got to a point where I thought the kids were being hurt more than helped, and moved out.

Moving out gave me the upper hand, in a way, because it made me the one in control of whether we were together or not, or at least took away her ability to manipulate me. She no longer had anything emotionally that I wanted. So I could see her from a distance, without feeling that she owed me anything, or feeling shocked at her lies. I no longer cared who was right or wrong, only that I was out of the equation.

That let me see both of us differently. Obviously, she had complaints about me, too, and while we were together, I couldn't analyze those. To make up an example, it would be like she cheated, and I left my breakfast dishes on the table. I would have been wrong, and she would use that as a defense of her wrong as though they were equally wrong, and the argument would get nowhere. With distance, I got to where I didn't care what she had done, so I could put my own shortcomings in perspective. That helped me put hers in perspective, too.

Obviously, I'm being vague. Don't want to air dirty laundry. But now we are friends. She still lies, still manipulates, still does the stuff she did before. I can see now that it wasn't about me, it was who she is. So I don't care anymore. I used to wonder how she could have done that to me, after all we'd been to each other, after all I had done for her. Now I know. She did it to herself. Forgiveness, even a little something kind of like pity, are easy to feel. But only after I've gotten away from her, and given up any hidden desires to reconcile.

I doubt that will help you get where you want to be, but just keep in mind, you'll get there. Maybe sooner than I did--I tend to be stubborn. :)

All that's assuming you have no chance for reconciliation. That's another matter, one I was never fully successful at. I can tell you a lot of things that don't work. :)

Good luck.

please allow yourself plenty of time to wallow in it...do it safely. you know like when the kids aren't around...

there is a band called 'drivin and cryin'

i know how they got their name

i have spent many miles alone in my car doing that very thing.

i don't know how guys deal. it seems a lot of them want to get back in the game immediately and all their dirty laundry is out for view.

we all have baggage, thing is ...wash that dirty laundry, pack it up and put it away in a safe place.
if you have to take it out and, examine it from time to time, that is fine....

just do it in a safe place and where no one else is around.

you know...make your rules and stick to them.

i hope this helps...some days are better than others:hug:

oh and du...its a good place to hang;)

:hug:

RL

I got to the point that I realized my anger and resentment of him wasn't hurting him - he could care less. It was killing me. I had to let it go, but not before I wallowed in it a long time. I was also sure to get my digs in when my daughter wasn't around. ;)

It's one of the hardest things I've ever, ever been through.

:hug:

it's like it all came back in one big ball of rage.

Better today, but still can't keep my mouth shut so I am mostly avoiding her for few days.

Concentrating on books... :D

RL

the rage.

:hug:

Hang in there friend.

Didn't like it at all...

RL

:hug: Let me know if you need anything.

here are the support vibes. :hug:

:hug:

I hope someday soon that hurt can heal and you can find someone worthy of your trust.

d.

:hug:

:D

Good luck with whatever is going on.

:D

RL

Hugs.

but it's just life...

no one ever said it was easy...

:hug:

RL

Yesterday, I forgot for a while and sat in a cafe downtown and flirted with a French kid.
That time thing really does work, my friend.

It's been 8.5 months here. My health is better than it's been in 12 years. Ditto for productivity. The loss is still searing but I have to go looking for it now because it's not present most of the time.

I don't know about lawyers. For myself I decided that they would just keep me embroiled in something I didn't want to be in and for months and at some expense.

Take care of you
:hug:

you should have told me to take another spin around the block!

take care, rl. it gets better. i barely remember my first husband. it is hard until the kids are grown, tho, cuz you can't divorce them.

yet i continue to strive for one

:hug:

Damn, mine feels so old and brittle these days...

RL

sometimes people suck. you just have to deal with them.

Lots of good vibes to help get you through this. :grouphug:

:hug:

RL

:hug: :pals: That stinks. :(

Sorry man. You got dealt a shitty hand there.

A clean cut is easier than ripping it apart slowly.

:applause:

:hi:

RL

could live on this much right now.

All I've got are some of these ----> :hug: 's

:hug:

RL

people are sometimes capable of things that you never would imagine them of being and they wouldn't maybe do under other circumstances.

but lawyer up d00d!

:hug:

so i guess it's a good day, right?

:hug:

RL

Do what you need to do for you and your kids.

:hug:

sounds like you're going through something rough. That sucks.

I used to think that I had stopped being amazed by how hurtful people could be, but then someone usually proves me wrong.

Surround yourself w/ love and joy if you can.

:hug:

RL