what was the biggest disappointment you ever had to work through?

Something you really wanted or expected that just didn't work out . . .

I'm thinking about three or four things and I'll post one of them later.

What about you? A failed romance? A lost game? A lost promotion?

...?

Really took my ego down a notch...I thought I was perfect for it :(

How did you get over it?

NYC, rural areas...they especially need science teachers, and I was graduating as a science major. So it kinda really hurt to be rejected when I knew they were most desperate for people with my degree :(

i wonder what the deal was?

:hug:

i'm sorry

And by over qualified, I mean the college kids like moi who were actively involved in politics (of any stripe) or college politics AND who intend to teach regardless if they get into the program; I told them I intended to teach HS biology if I didn't get into the program, and I think that might've done it. My cousin had the same problem, and so that's what I'm guessing happened to me.

:hug: back atcha.

that bites, I mean :wtf: you want to do it, they need teachers in those areas, so what they only want politically apathetic, underqualified people that don't plan to teach if they don't get in the program. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense :grr:

:hug:

of that there is no doubt

what did you do instead?

The kids he had to work with were the worst.

academically.

That was my own doing. The biggest dissapointment in my life (that may never be "worked out") was the death of my mother. Not so much for me but for the kids too. My in-laws are both dead as well and the one remaining grandparent, my father, is not the kind of person who makes a real Grampa, you know?

I had all of my grandparents until one passed when I was 16, the others until even after the kids were born! One kid remembers them pretty well. But they have never had much real grandparent time of their own and it makes me so sad every time I think about it. (like now :( )

There are so many lonely elders who would love to be a substitute grandparent. I urge DUers to open their hearts to this possibility -- sometimes we have to choose family.

We had an apartment in the city,
Me and Loretta liked living there.
Well, it'd been years since the kids had grown,
A life of their own left us alone.
John and Linda live in Omaha,
And Joe is somewhere on the road.
We lost Davy in the Korean war,
And I still don't know what for, don't matter anymore.

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger,
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day.
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello."

Me and Loretta, we don't talk much more,
She sits and stares through the back door screen.
And all the news just repeats itself
Like some forgotten dream that we've both seen.
Someday I'll go and call up Rudy,
We worked together at the factory.
But what could I say if asks "What's new?"
"Nothing, what's with you? Nothing much to do."

Ya' know that old trees just grow stronger,
And old rivers grow wilder ev'ry day.
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello."

So if you're walking down the street sometime
And spot some hollow ancient eyes,
Please don't just pass 'em by and stare
As if you didn't care, say, "Hello in there, hello."

and he does it without sentimentality. A genius.

is enough to make any songwriter stop and ask "what the fuck am I doing?" about twenty times a day.

his first record and "Are You Experienced" have to be tied for the title of "Most Astonishing Debut Record Ever"

lives, but the problem was also compounded by our isolated living situation (ranch 15 miles from town)

And the truth is they don't really know what they missed. But I do.

It was a childish thing on my part at 3 & 4 yrs. old.
I couldn't say her last name that well. Welded last name and 'Ma' together.
Doesn't take a genius! Unable to pronounce it, at that time, but little did I know...

http://www.connemara.net/ :P

Welcome to Connemara.net.
This site is designed for anyone interested in Connemara, Co. Galway, Ireland
- visitors or locals.

My parents thought it was soooo weird and ironic that I adopted that name for her!
That that was my name for my Grandmother, that they never used, is what weirded them out.
That I 'made' it up!! OMG!! ;) That's what I was told anyway. She hated that I said it.

Strange....maybe. Maybe they or she wanted to forget their homeland, out of sorrow.

Maybe I was.... a LOT smarter than they realized!! ...( maniacal laughter!!) :rofl:

That's a tough one. I posted on another thread yesterday about how my daughter's middle school push, push, pushes the kids beyond what some are capable of (mandatory algebra, and intro. chemistry and physics in 8th grade), and those kids fall by the wayside, and I think that's awful.

Someone responded that kids absolutely need to be challenged and should take every honors and AP course offered because if they don't they won't go to college and they'll end up impoverished.

I could not disagree more. I think my local school district does some students a huge disservice with its "one education fits all" philosophy. It's all about honors and getting into an ivy league university; and I'm sorry, but that's just unrealistic for the majority of kids - who are made to feel inadequate if they end up attending the local community college and exploring their options for a couple of years.

Of course we all want our kids to do well; but I'm not sure putting them into an academic pressure cooker is necessarily the way to go. My daughter starts high school in the Fall and I'm going to try not to allow her to become too stressed out; but if the academic rigor is anything like what she had this year, it's going to be hell.

despite the fact that I'm alive (and not a Dead White Man)
I could be riding that gravy train if I had only been born ten years earlier.

for not being an old white guy like me . . .

If I could wave a magic wand for you, would you really trade ten years of your life for that? The mitchum I've learned to respect here wouldn't.

I'm just a little too young to have made it through before the door slammed as redress for the canon being filled with the works of Dead White Man (could that possibly be because they are the ones who wrote most of the great works of Western Lit?)


Now, why you would ever respect me...I don't know? But i hope you still do :)

are dead

:thumbsup:

Yes, it's a sensitive subject, but it doesn't embarrass me at all to discuss it. When I was finally in a position to try to have children, God said "HA!!" and struck me with early menopause. After fertility treatments I was able to conceive, but sadly had a miscarriage on the same day we found out (ironically, my niece's 21st birthday). Nothing since then - just not meant to be. It was excruciating at first because everyone around me seemed to be getting pregnant, and I had to deal with constant questions from well-meaning Pakistani women as to why we don't have kids. (My husband's Pakistani; I'm not.) That's still a problem when I meet new people - I can see the wheels spinning in their heads. "How many children do you have/do you have children? How long have you been married?" One woman even had the nerve to ask why we don't have kids. I simply said, "I can't!" Some people are so stupid.

I'm fine now, but it took a few years to accept the hand I've been dealt. I have a wonderful life otherwise.

wanting kids and having a love of kids . . . it's just hard to swallow. Especially when you think of all the kids born into neglectful or downright hostile situations.

:hug:

I guess having a strong personal sense of morality, never breaking a law, being a faithful husband, trying to make my community a better place, raising an exceptionally wonderful child, being continuously employed in positions of responsibility, being financially responsible, donating time and money to causes I believe in, etc. makes me a reprehensible human being solely because I do not regularly attend the same church she does.

destroying the best things in humans and blinding them to the truth

sigh

I feel this is completely between me and my mother. She has always played favorites and let me know I am her least favorite. All well and good. Everyone has preferences. But to wrap in religion sickens me; it's like taking the best of what we can aspire to and then cheapening it with personal biases.

it allows people to package up all their vilest instincts into one bundle and feel self righteous about it

Straight "A" average yet I never comprehended one religious thing they tried to teach me. In fact that was another mean thing she said to me. Despite earning both a bachelors and masters degree, she told me that she had wasted 12 years of Catholic schooling on me. I don't feel that the things I have learned are a waste at all.

:evilgrin:

The nuns I encountered had their hearts in the right place but were not the most physically appealing women I have ever encountered. No fascination from me, thank you.

is it okay if I have nun fantasies?

Take your fantasy and run with it.

I was a single child whose mom was alcoholic (it finally killed her at 50) and my dad blamed me for years for her drinking (the whole "if you were only a better kid" thing); this all through early adolescence and on into my young adult years. He finally came to admit, years after her death, that it wasn't my fault, but he never sounded like he was really convinced, and I never did get the affirmation guys want from their dads.

That took a lot of working through, but I have finally made peace with most of it. Doesn't mean it's perfect, though...

in the deeper psyche...alcoholism sucks, and destroys more than the alcoholic, big time.

that's just wrong on so many levels. You never deserved to lose one parent due to no fault of yours, much less both parents. A :hug: and a :toast: to you.

There are a couple of long stories involved there, but it was the first in a series of missteps.

Not uncommon at all it seems. But the important thing is to finish.

at least it wasn't halfway through your fourth year!

He regretted it for a long time, and has since completed his degree.

:shrug:

there's the smell--paper and ink

and then the format--the full-size ones are impossible to read while eating your soft-boiled egg and scone and the tabloids seem like a gyp.

and the sports section around here just covers shitty teams that always lose.

and the opinions seem to be dominated by RW astroturf and idiot libertarians.

bah, I say.

And I like the full-size WAY better'n the tabloids. Don't ask me why -- I just do.

And the reason that the Post and the News (and the Chieftan and the Gazette and the Sentinel) cover shitty teams that always lose is because...well...this *is* Colorado.

:P

so you've actually seen the Rockies play "baseball" . . . ?

LOL

we generally go up to Coors once a year -- when the Cubbies come to town.

This year, that might be a game that the Rox'll actually win.

:eyes:

:P

:rofl:

last team with an unused reliever will "win" LOL

All the Cub's will have to do is figure out if it'd be Wuertz it to plant Lilly on the Hill or just say Ohman and pull out the Dumpster.

Rox'll win. You'll see.

:P

that living and training and playing home games at this altitude would give the Denver teams an edge?

:shrug:

that puzzles me as well

:shrug:

I wanted to work for a real newspaper — not one owned by "businessmen" who used it as a vehicle for profits.

Fire the veterans and hire kids because they're cheaper and they'll bow down when we tell them what to write? Great plan!

A newspaper is a public trust and therefore has no place on the stock exchange.

LOL

Truth is imcompatible with capitalism.

Otherwise, there'd be no need for advertising. We'd just need a list.

That is, I don't think they must be.

One thing people need to understand about news media is that owners and upper management don't really have that much direct effect on what's reported — not in the sense that they dicate what's gonna be in the paper or on the news.

What they do directly affect are the resources available for reporting. In the past 20 years or so, it seems they've done everything they could think of to make finding and reporting the truth more difficult, such as closing foreign bureaus, cutting back on or eliminating investigative reporters and just plain cutting back on entire reporting/editing staff.

These haven't been politically motivated decisions nearly as much as business decisions. But since so many of them affect the reporting of "real" news, it's often taken as political.

what kinds of "reporters" and "editors" get hired, retained, promoted, etc.

they also have a profound effect on the long-term editorial direction of their publications

...I live in a small Southern city, population 250K w/ MSA pop. around 500K.

We have one major daily (circ. 175,000) that has been the only game in town for nearly a century. The former publisher was blatant about his editorial control with little care who knew. He used the paper as a bludgeon and was to this city what J. Edgar Hoover was to the nation. He was a myopic and petty member of the Old South elite that ran this town and used the paper to reinforce the whims of the ruling class. The paper actively undercut the public school system and outside economic investiture.

Though the publisher has passed away, the newspaper (owned by Newhouse) has retained his overwhelming bias and reflects as much in its pages, both in the stories covered, their placement, the editorial pen and the unattributed "voice of God" columns from the editorial staff.

We have another paper in town (circ. 20,000), an upstart that presented itself as the city's biweekly alternative newspaper when it began five years ago. However, to read the writing within, it obviously presents no alternative in tone to the daily. It doesn't hide the fact it is "pro-business" and openly does the bidding of the Chamber of Commerce. The publishers (who are also the managing editor and editor) quantify the paper by telling people it is aimed at mid-30s professionals, "people who own a BMW or know someone who does."

The editorial slant follows suit. They squash tone critical of the status quo, protect advertisers and marginalize community activism. They have killed stories that cast certain power brokers in a bad light and think nothing of "climbing into bed" with some of the most powerful and duplicitous figures in town.

However, they still try to summon the cachet of the "alternative newspaper" label and paint themselves as mavericks when they are nothing of the sort. The only mainstream institution they will criticize? Well, the major daily of course.

They are concerned with status, public profile and moving in circles with the influential. They actively recruit young writers with conservative biases.

And, yes, for them advertising takes precedence over content. They will gladly bump copy for ads but you never see the opposite and the news hole shrinks with every passing quarter.

As time moves on and print media begins to die more and more, I wonder if this will become more commonplace.

is always true.

There remain a few privately owned newspapers in the U.S. that bear the stamp of their owners. Perhaps not coincidentally, these tend to be better than average publications.

But from my observations, both direct and indirect, during several years on the editorial side, the majority of publishers aren't hands-on with day-to-day news operations. They do, however, hand down such edicts as "Don't make businesses look bad," and if a paper runs a story (particularly an A1 story) critical of car dealers or real estate agencies, especially, an editor or two will require ass-reconstruction surgery.

I'm reminded, though, of the archival tale of the editor who authorized a story taking a car dealer, or dealers, to task for some kind of scam. The dealer(s) threatened to pull their advertising — and automotive ads are huge newspaper accounts — and the editor said, "Go ahead." Two or three months later, the dealers were back, because they have to advertise.

Oh, and print media isn't dying. It's going through a forced evolution, and doing it pretty badly (though improving), but the world is still many years from the technologic ubiquity that would make newspapers obsolete.

'businessmen' now. It's all about the revenue. And did you know that the earth will stop spinning and the stars will fall from the sky if the newshole is ever more than 50% of the paper?

:scared:

We had quite a few days with ad holes of 38 to 42 percent, but because the press was off-site, we couldn't cut back two pages when the web was set to accommodate the run of the paper where it was located (the Dipsack). They also didn't give a shit about our color registration.

There were rumors that we were set up to fail so they could get the publisher out and bring in their hit men as part of the whole "revamping," of which The Carnage was a part. In retrospect, I have no trouble believing it.

and they didn't hesitate to cut our news hole. Immediately.

Sports took the biggest hit, I think. We lost -- I forget how many pages. Two a day, on average.

I think.

I was fucking embarrassed, running so many wire pages. And remember, we didn't have AP art, either. We eventually got graphics, but never photos until after I was gone.

:cry:

And I'm still mad at them.

I'll never get over it.

you can just try to get through it.

*sigh*

:hug:

:hug:

there's lots of fish in the sea.

OK, so there's also lots of floating garbage, and Thai pirates, and poisonous jellyfish and sharks and oil slicks, but still . . .

love is a fickle thing. Can't you try again?

I have tried again. There's just nobody else, for me, in the same way. I just have plenty of memories, but that's bittersweet, yanno?

But please try to give others--and yourself--a chance.

The love of my life, the person I would have done anything and everything for, the person I only ever imagined growing old with, the mother of my children, the one I promised to love forever--FOREVER--became someone else and told me to go fuck myself after 30 years together. I believed there could never be another. I believed that love was a lie. I believed that my heart was just an emotionally dead organ pumping blood but never again passion.

I was wrong. Boy was I wrong.

I'm just glad. Hope lives.

Funny you should ask...

I'm in the middle of working through a situation that is most likely never going to be resolved...

It makes me sad; it's a pretty big loss......

It's too personal to discuss out here...

My life is very good except for this one thing...

I hope you can at least find some comfort among your many friends here. :hug:

You know I do find some comfort here...

It means a lot, it truly does....:hug:

That doesn't exactly put me in exclusive company around here . . .

:grouphug:

love of my life.

Except for the horrendous commute (nearly 60 miles per day, in the early 90s, spouse had better position with a 5 minute commute), I had the perfect job "for me". I was "going places" and enjoyed what I was doing. I quit because of an argument over ethics (a lot of political shit). I won the argument, but by then it was too late. Professionally, it was the most rewarding time of my life. Personally, there were many a gut-wrenching decision...and after four years, and a gazillion miles, I couldn't keep up anymore. My next job was financially rewarding, as I got all my student loans paid off, yet it was soulless. Next job was just simply fucked up, I lasted as long as my predecessors. Now I'm on SSDI and looking back on all the could've, should've, would've...

It's perfect.

I'm serious. It's been one consecutive disappointing failure after another with a few small successes here and there that only served to prop me up in anticipation of a still yet larger fall...

But don't mind me. I'm always saying cheerful things like that. :)

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if it weren't for people

life would be great, if it weren't for every shitty frigging day

At the age of 50, I found myself at square one. Ups, downs. Successes, failures. Rises, falls. Life is a roller coaster. The arms-in-the-air wheeeeeee! is enough reason to keep getting back in line. If not . . . try the log ride.

dammned disappointing cause he was super sexy.

bad,bad me :spank:

haven't you ever been with an Irishman?

:rofl:

nice to know a tiny dick was the biggest disappointment

:rofl:

since I had just got done reading the penis thread here and GD :)

I wouldn't let that get in the way of an otherwise good relationship...they do have penis extenders now. :P

LOL

:rofl:

You know, not so sexy but a big... heart, naturally... :rofl:

heart. :) Not so bad sexy wise either!

:hi:

Especially that he was not in fact divorced. Oops. And had a kid (not as big a deal as the other, obviously). I seriously wonder if he actually meant what he said when he said he loved me. Or was that a lie too? I am not over it, maybe never will be and it was probably 6 years ago. I haven't even dated since.

And what is disappointing overall is that I seem not to be able to sustain any kind of relationship at all. Aside from the one mentioned above, I never had one last more than a couple of months.

I had a similar complete meltdown of trust after a l-o-n-g marriage. The person just wasn't the person I "knew."

For a long time, I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust others. I didn't want to risk being vulnerable.

I realized one night that I was dead inside. I had to try again. I had to be willing to be hurt if it meant there was a chance that I could stop being this walking callous.

Find someone you trust. Please.

I've read your posts. We've "conversed." You deserve a chance at happiness. Not everyone is bad. Least of all you. Don't punish yourself for the unforgivable behavior of someone else. Please?

But "dating" does not really get easier as you get older. And this town is kind of a wasteland in the dating area.

My mother left me with her parents after she divorced my father when I was 2. She went off for awhile and got herself a boyfriend. Then, she came back for me. I lived with her in an alley apartment full of roaches, maggots, and her boyfriend. The two of them would get high on coke and leave their straws, mirrors, and razor blades out around the house. When I asked about it they told me it was medicine. What did I know? I was only 5 at the time.

My mom's boyfriend became abusive and I ended up back with my grandparents. They had a total of 5 kids and always had at least 3 living with them at all times. I ended up being spoiled in some cases. More like they never taught me about money, work ethic, or anything really. As I got older, the manipulation, mental and physical abuse started.

I can't tell you how many times I've been told how fat I am. Or how I am just so horrible that I have taken years off their lives. I don't know where any of that comes from. I was a good kid on the honor roll and in several after school activities.

After years of taking the abuse and thinking that I was horrible, my husband opened my eyes to the situation. He also gave me the strength to realize that just because they are family doesn't mean that they are healthy to be around or worth the heartache.

When it comes down to it, I miss them. There is no way that I can ever allow myself to be back in that position to be abused and taken advantage of. There is really so much to this story that I could write a novel about it, but this is what I'm really trying to get over. The loss of a whole side of my family. It really sucks.

Know that you are loved now and that the rejection and problems were not your fault. To have come through all that is a triumph.

My husband helps most definitely. I'm also very close to my dad and his side of the family, which is gigantic in numbers, plus my two half sisters.

If I could just get the dreams to go away, I think I could really let it all go.

I think I'm still too angry, but I don't want to be.

I guess that's a step.

Thanks for your input. :hug:

love your husband back

and tell your dad how much he means to you

for my dad recently. he was on a retreat and they asked family and friends to write letters for them to read while they were there. I wrote one to my dad, and he really appreciated it. I have numerous reports that I made him cry. Normally, I would feel bad, but I know this was a good thing.

And my husband gets crazy love from me. It's kinda sickening how much we are in love. It's great.

you are lucky lucky lucky!

:-)

:)

:hug:

I'm so sorry sweetie that you had to go through that. You seem like such a caring and warm person that I can only say that you have risen above their totally fucked up way of looking at things.

You are beautiful :loveya: and a wonderful person. I'd be proud if you were my family member, I just think you rock! :yourock:

:hug:

I've learned that my real family is the one that I pick for myself.

A lot of my friends I consider my family and they consider me theirs, too.

It's nice to know that I am appreciated by some people.

You're part of my DU family.
:loveya:
:hug:

:hug:

This one has never once been the biggest thing, but it's a disappointment that comes back again and again.

My dad died when I was 11. I can't tell you how many times I've wished he was alive to talk to about a problem, to share one of life's joys or challenges, to lean on, or just to get to know "anew" at different stages of our lives.

:hug:

that must have been very hard LOD I am lucky that my parents were both alive until just recently really. Dad's are important at any age, but that age is a tough one... and the looking at it over and over I'm sure, wondering what would it be like.

:hug:

i get far too bogged down in what i could have done differently with my life. i was capable of so much more...

something might be gaining on you

and there are times i'm not so good at ignoring it

It's not about what you didn't do yesterday. It's about what you WILL do tomorrow.

bigger and better things

you are already ahead of a lot of people in that regard and you are not stagnant


:hug:

you are capable, not was... are.

but i do feel so damn stagnant in parts of my life

:hug:

free your blocks, change your focus, you can't do everything

you have priorities to focus on.

make yourself your first priority

make your periphery later down the list.

it will come together for you

:hug:

that my boy scout troop leader was a pedophile and that as a 12-15 year old boy, it didn't dawn on me that he was.
There were things he did such as play with himself in front of a bunch of us in a metal building at winter camp one time, constantly talking about sex, how to masturbate, and once I know that he fondled another scout who was a little on the slow side mentally.

I remember knowing at that point, that what he was doing was wrong, the rest of the time, it seemed a combination of wrong and somehow there was a group mentality that we all kept our mouths shut.

Additionally this was the only non-mormon boy scout troop in the city (utah) i lived in and i was not a mormon, so it was a very powerful part of my life. The ways it has affected and influenced my life are numerous, and many are not good.

I have had a hard time working through my guilt about not dealing with this when i was a kid, not telling anyone.
I've had a hard time with some of the ways this experience has affected me; affected the way i view the world, trust, sex, etc.

I have anger at that man that has dissipated to a large degree, but is ultimately still there. The effects of this, i will call it a type of abuse, or exploitation of an emotional nature, have caused me problems. They are my problems, and I am not blaming, i'm just saying that they are there.

:shrug:

:hug:

:hug:

It's so not your fault in any way. You were not the adult in the situation and had no control over his actions.

I know that you would never get an acknowledgment or apology from him, so I want to tell you that I'm sorry that this man's actions had a negative impact on you. I hope you can work through it.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I was pretty overweight growing up (still am). I regret not exercising more in school. Perhaps I would've joined the track or wrestling team if I were more fit.

More seriouly, I just didn't put enough into my studies.

Turned out to be worse than that time reagan got elected.
An even bigger dissapointment was the second time he got elected.
(Both of them.)

both times. Especially after FL was declared for Gore, and then it wasn't....

and then when Kerry was ahead in all the exit polls, and then he wasn't....

If that happens to us again in 2008, I really will turn in my voters' card, like I said I was going to do in 2000.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

I did in freestyle, but not in collegiate wrestling. I was undefeated going into state my senior year, had returned from a trip to Bulgaria that summer much improved, plus I took second the year before and my main competition was the guy I beat the year before in the state semifinals. He and were both undefeated and it looked like we'd meet up in the finals. I choked though. I got hurt the day before, and couldn't even walk when I got up that morning. I worked that out though, but mentally, I wasn't there in my semifinal match and I was upset by somebody who I should have beaten at that point in my career. Than I had to sit and watch a guy who I beat before win it all. I never have fully gotten over that. I put lots of time into it. The training. The dieting. All those trips to tournaments when my friends were out partying etc. I sacrificed a lot, and I just blew it. Man, that hurt. Still does to an extent.

I'm still struggling with that after two years. Gah.

When I taught one year for L.A. Unified, we had GREAT "Teach for America" workers. I was in South Central L.A. in the most poverty stricken area in L.A. One day the gal who was assigned to my class (she was so awesome)told me that they were drastically cutting the program and she wasn't going to be able to continue. I'm glad * isn't leaving any child behind.

Not for me (I think I knew it was a mistake within a few months of marriage), but for my children. I didn't want them to have to go through this stuff. I was so miserable and felt so trapped with him, I often felt suicidal on and off for many years. Thankfully, I have not felt like that in a very long time.

from 15 years ago last week.


it has to with austin, being 24, a woman, and being a coward.

one of the few things in my life that i truly regret.

it feels like i cried for three days.

it's amazing what you can suppress, it's even more amazing what kind of pain those memories can bring when they flood back in after you thought you had shut a part of your life out for eternity.

I had it on good word while in the womb that things would be better than this.

As we speak.

:hug:

and you will work it out however it needs to be, I know this because, well, I just do!

:D :hi:

then having to go through it all over again when the gov't. screwed with my husband's passport renewal and he got the new one 3 hours after the telephone call that HIS mother had died. He was trying to get there to see her before it happened.

and now he's got a bald spot. He's still happy, but still.

I'm freeee! Freee! *tosses egg in air* *splat*

Now, getting back on track is proving quite another task. Not a disappointment though, it is a challenge.

:hi:

it was awful. just awful. welcome back to the world!

:hi:

Thanks!

:hug:

:hi:

Now I won't say I'm in the "exact" same shoes at all.

But 17 years seems to be a common spot for some reason. I know of two other people besides myself and now you, that have hit a wall of some sort at 17 years. Is that the length of time that people are willing to spend telling themselves that things are not so bad and will get better? That is how I seem to have evolved, head in the sand, everything is fine here, with the exception of a period 10 years ago when my head came out (maybe it wasn't sand?) and was out, then got freaked and went back in.

:hug:

was because I wanted to assure my daughter had the ability to go out into the world. Each time I tried to break it off throughout that time my ex had more family support. She was a not a good person (according to me), and I couldnt see my daughter being raised by her.

17 years. My daughter turned 18 about 2 months after divorce. I think so anyhow; Im not so good with my own timeline hehe.

:hug:

right now, or what seems the right thing

:hug:

That was me for the first year afterwards! :rofl:

After the numbness passed of being married for so long, I got hit with a hell of a lot of weird things. I think they are called "feelings" or something. Still experiencing new ones every day.

:hug:

you stayed on until she was 18, why?

just curious, no judgment, really.

:pals:

I dont wanna thrash ex in the open but she was a true crackhead, manipulating, petty, trixy, pox on humanity.

I dont really have the tools in me to fight that. If I would have ever brought divorce to court, I'd have had to deal with her having ANY custody of daughter. I was not willing to risk that.

I'm a bad person for thrashing her, but it felt good saying it out loud.

:pals:

you are and you aren't in public, she may or may not read this, etc.

who has the tools to fight that shit.

sorry you had to deal with that.

:pals:

hehe, first time I got to use that smily!

:rofl:

sorry d00d

:rofl:

1) An all-consuming infatuation for an unreachable--I shall nurse this for many, many years. Seems like everything I've ever done since meeting this person has been for the express purpose of trying to turn his/her head.

2) The feeling that I won't have a future

2007 so far has been a whirlwind of a cluster-fuck year for me :eyes:

would be required, eh?

I can't tell if 2007 is a "turnaround" year and things are getting slightly better for me or if I'm just so completely stomped into the existentialist muck of my fucked-up life that I can't tell the difference anymore. I know 2004 through 2006 was a series of body blows one after another after another after another.

Here's to you, matcom, and a quick end to the cluster-fuckedness of your own particular whirlwind.

:toast:

in my early twenties, I went through a period of thinking this was going to happen to me after all, but that came crashing down. Not a particular romance but just the idea that I might be the subject of one after all. Then I realized this would not be happening after all. I learned that men can show an intense interest in you and then one day turn cold. And that all the options and the fun go to them.

Besides that, I was pretty bummed out that Dubya won the 2004 election (or at least appeared to) - I really thought Kerry had a chance at beating the SOB all the way up until election night. At the time it was a severe bummer - especially with the renewed repuke Congress. It seemed this country just would not get out of that 911 mentality and shake off the sense of fear of terra running everything and allowing an authoritarian warmongering society to develop.

Still working though that one.

instead which pretty much ruled out further attempts. That was really, really hard. Still working on that one, too.

:hug:

that is sad, and must have been really hard (still is i guess) for you... :hug:

I don't know any other things about your situation there, but I'm very sorry this happened to you.

:hug:

hope you find peace friend.

there's a lot to Mrs. Sniffa, and she will make it onward and upward and she will land on her feet.

:hug:

I'm sorry, it is painful I know, you will rise again from the ashes like the Phoenix does though!

:hug:

:( I was filled with hope when I got married in 1992. I'd known him for nine years before we got married, and I knew he had a lot going for him. He's done exactly nothing with it, and what should have been a partnership is actually now up to me to make it work. Counseling and talking have done little to improve it. The only reason I stick around is that I love the guy.

:hug:

:hi:

Curently working thru it... Not doing a good job, I'm afraid...

Still breaking things, screaming, flailing about, lost, adrift, rage-filled, sleepless nights, empty worthless days...

:cry:

RL

hey man, I'm sorry. You hang in there though, it, rather, you will get better ya know.

I know you've been through shit before, and just do what is in front of you to do and one foot in front of the other man.

Talk to Bill's friends, and stay close to that world too.

:hug:

I just saw this and would have replied much sooner.

:pals:

Sometimes the harder you work, the more you get pushed down. I give up... I'm just counting the days until I can retire now.

Why do employers do that -- (suck all the enthusiasm and creativity out of their employees)?

Took the stars right out of my eyes, that one did.

He was killed when his mother was 8 months pregnant with him. They were in a car wreck. She didn't make it. It was the biggest defining moment in my life and the biggest disappointment, biggest thing I ever had to work through. I'm still working through it actually. I don't have disappointments really, just huge catastrophic events in my life that have completely turned my world upside down. Lost promotions and romance or material things just don't compare in that aspect.
I envy anyone who hasn't had to go through what I've gone through.
Duckie

:hug: that is very sad... his aunt is a wonderful person ;)

I hope things go well for you, but you seem to be very courageous and I admire that and glad that I know you!

I won't be a stranger the next time i'm in OKC, then you'll be going, man, what did I do... :D

and I just can't come up with one.

seems like everything I first saw as a disappointment usually worked out fine in the long run.

I've had losses of loved ones, but who hasn't? It's just life yanno? :shrug:

all within 15 months.

to me in the grief forum here after my mother died

:hug:

it's hard, and i'm sorry you had so many losses there.

my dog of 13 years died about a year before my mom did.

at about 10 months after my mother died, my marriage went on the rocks so to speak.

things just seem to fall apart sometimes.

But I did want to hug you and thank you again for your kindness.

:hug:

...

I just wanted to ride on a train.

I started to write something for this a while back, didn't finish, and then left it. I thought I would try again.

Of several disappointments, I would definitely say that the biggest I am dealing with is the realization, in my 50's (now 56), that for various reasons and due to various circumstances, and also due to some of my own choices, I have never had a serious relationship with a woman. (I am a heterosexual male.) That is something that has so far not happened in my life.

It is still possible (at least theoretically) that something might work out, but it seems that it would have been so much nicer if something worked out when I was younger. I feel handicapped now by the lack of any previous relationships with which I can compare any new relationship.

Sort of related, another disappointment is that in a competitive world, I have not become as highly "successful" as some people have, at least not in a materialistic and monetary sense. I had a very good job in the 80's and most of the 90's, but am presently looking for a job. I did have some problems at some of my earlier jobs.

However I will say that I have always enjoyed, and still enjoy, the advantages of being single, and would not want to give them up except for somebody who is really right for me. I also have not wanted, and still do not want, to try to force something to happen as far as a relationship with a woman is concerned. I participate in social activities of things I am interested in, and would like to let something happen if it is meant to happen. Actually I think it would be good for me to become more serious about at least dating.

really serious (and grim) disappointments but I still get sad about losing our old cat Waldorf. I have to suppose that the departure of the big tabby with his interesting ways is some kind of metaphor for the loss of my youth.