have you ever found love past the age of 35?

i know it's possible, television teaches me there are scenarios where this might work.

but sometimes i wonder.

my concern (a selfish one) is the "baggage" someone could bring to the situation.

i've emerged from my 20s relatively unscathed: no failed marriages or kids.

is there a cat lady or spinster out there for me?

She had a failed first marriage, but other than that...

I definitely think it's possible!

other than obvious love part . . .


i don't mean to get too personal.

After years of getting involved with people I shouldn't have, longing for someone who thought of me only as a friend - things of that nature.

i feel less alone by myself than i've felt with many of the people i've been in relationships with.

I know for years I was so miserable alone - probably why I got involved with the wrong people.

I believe it is entirely possible.

In fact you can find love at any age.

it seems like the likelihood diminishes the older you get.

i haven't really thought about these things, but since i'm turning my 10,000th leaf, i guess it doesn't hurt to imagine.

:D

;-) I've never been so in love in my life--it's almost as if it didn't happen before (and maybe in fact it did not).

I was 38 and he was 43 when we married 10 years ago and still very much in love.

otherwise I'm screwn. Everyone seems to be either married or getting divorced, with kids and/or shit loads of emotional baggage; I on the other hand am like a blank page waiting to be written on. What hope of a match for me?

i've became somewhat hardened and there is a good portion of my heart that is on permanent lockdown.

i don't think i could ever let anyone get as close to me as i have in the past.

but i'm getting to the point where i can leave the past alone and maybe defrost my soul a little bit.

My baggage has baggage.

:rofl:

And my page is full of erases and cross-outs...

:(

that my baggage may make me undesirable to some as a potential love interest.

I wasn't making light of what you said. Just picking on myself.

:hug:

but it won't meet you on the way out of the bathroom asking "are you my new mommy?"

i had that happen once. she had 5 kids, 3 of them really young.

"are you my new daddy?"



EEEEKKKK!!!!!!

Well personally I don't consider my kids "baggage". More like "bonuses". The men out there in the dating pool may think otherwise, but I guess those are the ones I would be swimming away from (or the ones quickly doing the backstroke away from me! lol).

but i didn't know how to answer that question.

bonuses too--in fact, my oldest, without realizing it, contributed to the wonderful friendship I am embarking on now.

Yep, sometimes as life goes on, your KIDS will lead YOU in the right direction!

I do not; my concern rather is that the baggage people carry around will make them unable to accept me.

:hug:

Those would be the ones who don't deserve you.

of course your children are not baggage; they are gifts.

:hug:

Its so dang possible! Like I said when I first came around DU, you are an awesome guy. And you have proven it each day since.

:hug:

:thumbsup:

:blush:

:pals:

:loveya:

I actually never found real true love before I was 39. I thought I had, but I was really talking myself into it.

First real love lasted a year, and we flew apart over mistakes we both made, and I grieved that loss for a long time.

I was 41 before I met the right person, and we have been together 12 years, married for 8, and it is a great marriage.

And it is not baggage, but experience that tells one what one really wants, if one has worked through it.

I resent the notion that just because some of us have seen a few more sunsets than you that we've reached some mythical age at which it is impossible to have that kind of happiness.

If anything, when you've survived a few a life's hurricanes, you appreciate it even more when love does happen in middle or even later in life.

we've been together 5 years now... I was 41 at the time.

That was 11 years ago.

My kid sister finally met the right guy at age 39. She just turned 42.

So, emphatically, YES! Your perfect person is still out there, probably looking for you too.

Where else are we supposed to find out things????

the basis of all my fundamental presuppositions about the nature of reality has been shattered in millions of tiny fragments.

It also make sense why you can't seem to find love.

absolutely not, i would stick up for you even if you were wrong.

i just have a fucked up sense of humor. i'm sorry toad!

One reason of many why nobody can stand me for more than 5 minutes too, no doubt. :rofl:

she had no kids; no weird hangups about men--had dated some nice ones---just never met the right guy.

Quit worrying about the American Dream/Lie Timeline of what is considered "normal." You will meet the right person eventually.

Dude, that is SO f'ed up and wrong. ;)

13 years and still going strong. without question the healthiest and closest relationship I've ever had.

I just look at those first two marriages as 'practice'

I had to do a lot of work on myself to get ready to have a healthy relationship but it was worth every emotional pain and all the tears to have what I have today

:hi:

they are the sweetest dogs :bounce:

You can come over and see him sometime. I'm in ABQ !

and you and some on the many cool NMDUers

:hi:

it would be a long road trip for me, but you guys could take me to the best thrifts stores hehehe

And we will if you'll come visit.

:rofl:

I call it "The Lodge." It is decorated with a bunch of wildlife motifs and a deer antler chandelier!

you're on!

:hi:

when I was 47 years old!

while I gad about the "Big City" with my leftie buddies :rofl:

a few skyscrapers but that also has horses and roosters and peacocks and stuff at the same time. So when I go out in the morning to do the watering, I'm looking at the buildings downtown (from my back yard) and listening to roosters, peacocks, etc.

It is very bizarre.

they will bring a bundle. It's up to both of you to find a kind way to handle it.

Quite by suprise. We just hit it off in a way Ive never experienced before.

:hi:

I don't think people over 35 have "baggage". I think rotten luck may be a more proper term. Also I am very picky, not going to "settle" for the first person who asks.

The problem is the dating pool sucks. Maybe it is better in larger cities; in fact I think it is likely.

I also have a list of deal-breakers that may be too long but, again, I know what I like and what I don't.

:hi:

I can tell you, based on my own observations, that yes indeed, love can be found past the age of 35...

I have seen this happen, and I know it's true...

Never give up your own chance for happiness!

It's never too late, IMHO...

shucks!

you always make me feel better.

:hug:

Told myself on my 35th birthday that if I hadn't met "the one"/wasn't involved or in a serious relationship on my 41st b-day, I'm going to consider it game over.

That's just a few months from now. Oh well. :(

but it doesn't work that way. There are some things over which you have very little control as far as timing is concerned, and I'm afraid that falling in love is one of them. :pals:

... it's kinda hard to accidentally hit a home run when one has removed themselves from the ballpark altogether.

And removing myself from the ballpark is part of the "41st Birthday plan".


:hi:

but the park will find you. No doubt!

... but I'm not holding my breath in the meantime.


:hi:

could well be horrible. So...you may have to work through things for a couple of years, etc., or geography might not be on your side, etc....but it'll happen. ;-)

I have more hope in your chances than you do apparently!

stop telling yourself things like that, you'll just depress yourself!

:hug:

... to pimp some Buddhism, when one learns to stop "wanting", one no longer feels the emptiness and dissatisfactions that accompanies "want".


:P


:hi:

:hi:

:D

the flip side is that your heart can be crushed beneath the boot heels at any age also...

RL

don't SCARE him! :spank: :rofl:

yes, you can find love. And just as easily lose it...

It's all bullshit anyhow.

RL

I don't know how old you are, but I've found that I'm much more discerning, in my late forties, than I ever was before. I'm also a hell of a lot more tired. There's no way I'd want to get into a relationship that was bad for me--I just don't have the energy for that BS anymore.

Got a front row seat today watching my marriage dissolve...

RL

:hug:

Be patient, and try to be strong. Things are definitely not always what they seem to be.

and i won't join them . . .

but sorry things are going rough for you.

think

think

think

i've seen it all -- including burying a partner.

and of all the people i don't know very well -- you'll be alright.

roll with the punches and get up for own reasons.

:hug:

First marriage for both of us, and we're both slightly past 35 years old.

Patience pays off. I love being married, but probably couldn't have done it 10 years ago.

would consider you suspect and with baggage because you've never been married.

i know women wo would suspect you of being too selfish.

people fall in love all the time -- at any age.

hopefully you relax and stop expecting too much out of people.

Too selfish. That will be the caramel on the creme brulee.

:pals:

i was just sorta shooting the shit.

just making myself vulnerable here in the lounge (yeah, i know, take your life into your hands around here doing that sometimes!) by wondering about a fluffy subject that is customarily cut off from my consciousness.

just trying to make myself more human on this board, but thanks for your input.

smooches!

love isn't all for the young.

and damn -- i still love love.

they just can't live with me.

which is always a bone{R} of contention.

:* :pals:

:rofl:

:spank: :rofl: :spank:

I am 37 and don't have children, never married but have baggage (or at least one big piece of luggage that I can't seem to shake really no matter how hard I tried and I almost don't try anymore) and actually there is a difference between being in love (which I am) and having a successful love relationship (which I can't seem to make happen--my feelings are a one way street it seems). I tend to try to form bonds with emotionally unavailable people. Kinda feel like now at my age, I am destined to be unsuccessful in that area.:-(

we all do that.

and this too shall pass -- we never stand still.

enjoy the lovin you have. -- nobody's love is perfect -- even the ones that look perfect probably have stuff you wouldn't trade for.

i don't get hung on whether my love is interest is this or that -- i'd never get anywhere. -- they are all imperfect as hell.

take 'em as you find 'em -- and forget the rest.

:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

AND a very supportive one at that, and thats something anyway. Plus he is going to try to help me with a project I am thinking about..something you might be interested in eventually- he feels the same way about arguing with people on certain types of topics as I do although his background is a little different than mine. I will let you know about what I am working on when it gets a little more defined..I think you will really like it.:thumbsup: :hi:

the prospects for the future are not too bright, either:cry: :banghead:

and I had a LOT of baggage. It doesn't matter how much baggage you have; what matters is that you put it down.

He was two months short of 39. I feel like I'm finally learning what loves means and what a relationship is now. I was married before and completely clueless as to what love was.

Perhaps you would call me "cat lady" for my two kitties are mostly my company. I actually have recently fallen in love with someone, but unfortunately for me, the feelings are not returned (just friends is basically what I was told although he does mean that). I have never really had feelings for anyone before (its usually been the guy liked me and I just wanted to be friends) so its indeed possible, even though my personal situation isn't what you would call ideal.

I was 19 and he was 20. Got engaged after 3 weeks and have been married for almost 11 years now. He is my best friend. :loveya:

and just had her second child.

I'll be 33 later this month and I'm not really in a hurry. I've dated my share of assholes and a few good ones. My main "problem" is I'm not interested in having kids and when you're female in your 20's you're seen as a freak because you don't want them. Or you will date someone who is disappointed later in the relationship because they thought if they loved me enough I'd change my mind. (I kid you not.) And being early 30's and single it's assumed there's something wrong with me to not be married yet, or I have "baggage." My conservative religious extended family is convinced I'm a lesbian. I just gave up about 5 years ago due to the kids thing and figure maybe I'll try again when it's physically obvious I'm not likely to conceive. Or maybe I'll just get more cats! :P

As for meeting a guy, I won't assume he has baggage. Maybe he's like me- didn't want kids and everyone he dated did. There's lots of reasons people don't get married at some nationally average age. Lots of people get divorced and later have better/healthier relationships (as other posters in this thread have done). If he had kids my only issue would be that I don't want to take care of small children- that's why I don't have any of my own.

Edit- I forgot selfish! I'm too selfish, that's why I'm single and childless. :eyes:

Some of your family thinks your a lesbian?OMG.....:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
My family thinks I am weird but at least I don't get that.....:)

You get married and have kids, lament about not having one or the other, or you're gay. Apparently life is not enjoyable otherwise. I feel sorry for them.

And I never dared dream I would find a man such as wonderful as my boyfriend.

You'll find that special woman.

and have thought I have found love only to be wrong...but I'll keep looking, even when I am wrong. It is my masochistic personality I guess.

There may be, and good luck.

As an aside, love happens in many different ways and at all ages. Two weeks ago yesterday, my 27-year-old nephew married a woman 12 years his senior, divorced and with three kids.

They are extremely happy and he loves the kids as much as they love him. Plus, they have an excellent relationship with their father.

The depth of Tom and Kelly's commitment to each other is demonstrated by the fact she has taken his surname -- which she never did with her first husband. Despite the difference in ages, she feels that she has a real partner in my nephew. And I believe it too.

in a first marriage, romantic relationship, or what have you they don't really know what love is. Look at the divorce statistics. Or they thought they had it but really didn't. There's people everywhere a helluva lot older than 35 looking for the first real love of their life.

I live in a pretty stable town and all of my friends are all still married to their first spouse. I love my life but I do feel like odd man, er I mean girl, out.

But the older we get, the more "baggage" we might have. However, I think the trick in mature relationships is to find someone who has handled their baggage well and is better for it (or at least not bitter from it!).

And if *I* can do it, anyone can.

An 18 year old addict, and a petting zoo.

And you thought you were getting off EASY because I've never been married or had children. :D

SUCKA! :P

You sure know how to set a fella up. :D

Don't let the door hit'cha... (but could you please wait until I get back from my vacation? Thanks.)


:D

You're going on vacation? Cool! Whatcha gonna do? ;)

Thunderstorms here tonight. Again. Glad I got the lawm mowed.

Well...

Don't tell anyone I'm not there 'kay?

:yoiks:

:hide:


(too much to do)

We can't have you getting fired just yet. ;)

Here's hoping the boss, who lives *maybe* 2 blocks away doesn't drive by. :scared:

Maybe you can say you rode the shuttle. :7

yes.

First marriage at 28 - awful. Divorced at 33, no kids. Three years and very few dates later, I got involved in community theater and met a wonderful man one year younger than me who had never been married before. We are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary next week and they have been 5 wonderful years.

It can happen.

:hug:

I'm only 30 and I still feel pathetic.

he just turned 50 and we are still together

i had one previous marriage, no children, he had no previous marriages and no children.

we have a lot in common, but also our own separate interests

i know it sucks waiting/trying to find your soul mate, but don't give up.

Okay, she wasn't quite 35 yet at the time, she was 33. But that's close enough!

We've been together for nearly 8 years, and I couldn't imagine ever being without her.

It was so adorable to see them holding hands all the time.
They doted on each other.
Those are some of the best memories of my life, god rest their souls.

when you're older, you have a better idea of who and what you are. Hopefully. Usually. At least I would assume so.

That is, until the pitter-pats start and then...

:scared:

(but them pitter-pats are fun)

She's out there. You'll see.

(Hey there -- where've you been lately?)

:hi:

I like the Bee Gees. She likes Duran Duran. Somehow we survive.

I got married the day after my 27th birthday, divorced at 35, and have found love at least twice since then (I'm almost 38 now).

Just keep your eyes open. It'll happen when you least expect it.