Pesky the Rat

http://www.peskytherat.com/pesky/

http://www.peskytherat.com/pesky/2003/09/17.html

Pesky the Rat’s
Anthropological Research Division Presents

The Creation Myth of an Isolated South American Tribe
Whose Only Contact with the Outside World
Consists of a Single Episode
of "The O’Reilly Factor"


Far, far away in time, the world was soft and quiet.

There was no great jungle. There was no jungle-cat. There were no beetles, no monkeys, no river dolphin.

This was the stillness before silence, the hush before the first new day.

And then, in a moment, came The Talking Head.

The Talking Head was loud. The Talking Head was sputtery. The Talking Head spat.

The Sacred Spit of the Talking Head flew in every direction. It flew to the North, where created the Great Parrot. It flew to the south, where it created the Chattering Monkeys. It flew to the east, where it created the Giant Mountains and to the west where it created the Great Jungle.

And then The Talking Head was joined by two more Talking Heads.

The Heads floated in the air, disattached from their bodies. The Heads were angry and spat at each other. The Heads demanded things. The Heads cut each other off. The spit from The Heads made the slopes of the Great Mountains slippery.

The Great Head found the other two Heads DISGUSTING. The Great Head banished the DISGUSTING heads to a distant island called DISGUSTINGLIBERALLAND. The Heads squeaked in protest, but The Great Head had removed their genitals, and they were impotent to stop him.


The Great Head spat some more. It spat and spat and spat and spat and spat and with each spit one of our people was born.

When The Great Head was done making our people, he gave one final spit and created the Mighty Amazon River.

When The Great Head was done making the Mighty Amazon River, The Great Head Plugged His Book.

When the Great Head Plugged His Book, he gave us the Sacred Numbers:

1-800-555-6666

When you come of age, little tribesman, you will engage in The Ceremony of The Great Head. You will beat your head against the side of a tree according to these Sacred Numbers. You will then learn to speak VERY LOUDLY and to cut anybody off. And you will learn how to cook and eat our enemies.

Bless us, the People of The Great Talking Head!