Things they probably don't have in hell:

Cool chicks

Boat drinks

Mukluks

;)

Internet Access...

C-SPAN...

They smell like rotting flesh.

:woohoo:

I'll bet these guys will be there:

They have corpse flowers there. Blooming is a rare event, apparently.

I'm looking forward to it.

HBO...

Color TeeVee...

Gilligan's Island Re-runs...

Cantalope...

And comfy shoes. I'm gonna miss my Birks.

The Weather Channel...

Antiperspirant...

Deodorant...

mikey_the_rat

Ice

Sunblock

Television

Just got it for the first time last night and I'm eating a cup right now. It's like there are angels in my teeth...

My current fave is Willie Nelson's Peach Cobbler. I eat it while watching The Colbert Report (I know, it's not Americone Dream!)

of Americone Dream. It was pretty good. Still have to find the peach cobbler, though. I usually like the fruit-flavor ones better than the chocolate-flavor ones. :9

but nothing beats Vermonty Python. I'm positive they don't have that in hell.

Damn, couldn't find a usable picture!

plus, can you imagine any of the really good dead musicians getting in Heaven no matter the genre? Even country music was better back when they were all hell-bound.

;)

Been there
done that
Ain't going back
No way no how.

Oops, just checked my inside connection. He's there, my bad.

P.S. I swore an oath not to tell everybody that Satan's ex, Saddam*, is now shacked up with Falwell, and as we all know, Saddam isn't a bottom.



* I learned that Saddam and Satan were lovers from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.

Post-it Notes...

PHONES!!!!!

:applause:

:cry:

The drug lords probably brought some with them to sell.

Only Free Republic. Oh, and it's the only internet forum allowed down there.

:scared:

I'm gonna be good from now on.

Q

geesh :D



:hi:

:evilfrown:

Good pizza.

:eyes:

For Cold Comfort Farm fans.

;)

A good, clean living Pagan dies and goea to Heaven. St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and tells him, "You can't come in here." "Why?" asked the man. "Heaven just isn't for your kind," Came the reply.

So down into hell the man goes. As he steps off the elevator he's greeted by a beautiful green field with people picnicking and having a great time. As he walks through the field all of his dead Pagan friends are their and they shake his hand and slap him on the back.

A man in a white walks up to him and presents himself as Satan. Satan invites the Pagan man over to his Tiki hut and offers him a drink. "I'm sorry, alcohol gives me horrible hangovers and I can barely stand it the next morning." "Don't worry about it," said Satan, "Here you can drink as much as you want, get as drunk as you want, and wake up feeling happy and refreshed."

"Wow!" thinks the pagan, "Hell ain't so bad!"

Suddenly, the sky darkens and lightening and thunder rattles across the heavens. A large hole opens up in the lush green grass of the field and fire spews from the middle blackening the earth around the crater. A screaming flaming man falls through the blackness in the sky and is swallowed by the fissure in the earth.

After the man falls through the hole in the ground, the Pagan man watches in surprise as the ground knits itself back together and the large rolling black clouds in the heaven dissipate. In no time at all, everything is back to normal.

Shocked, he turns to the man in white, "what was that?" Satan replies with a sad little smile and a shake of his head, "that was a Fundamentalist Christian. They wouldn't have it any other way.."

:hide: