Need help, please, I'm in near melt-down, no sleep

BB Maine-ah stopped sleepng thru the night a couple of months ago, naps are rare. I'm sure for 2 reasons. 1.move from bassinet to crib 2. four top teeth (which are now all in)

I'm desperate. Exahausted. Hubbie working 64 hours a week. This is interfering with my milk production. I'm losing weight (not really that bad, but I shouldn't be)

she'll sleep from 8 - 10, sometimes 12. up at 2 and will only go back to sleep with me (on me)

please, I need help. wtf am I doing wrong?

:(

:hug:

even the thought counts

:hug: (I just hope you weren't in the olive garden when you were breast feeding)

closest one is about 100 miles away, but I could go to Applebee's :P

no indication that sleep was anywhere near, I'd give him about a quarter of a teaspoon of liquid Benadryl. It helped some.

Before doing this though, talk to the baby doctor.

Going without proper sleep can't be good for BB Maine-ah, and there could be a medical reason for it.

I'm so sorry sweetie. If I lived closer, I'd come play volunteer babysitter for you so you could get some sleep. I remember this routine all too well. My son's reason wound up being intestinal gas and a bit of sensitivity to something in my breast milk. I tried a bland diet for 2 weeks, and it went away and never came back, even when I resumed eating normally. Have you tried that yet?

so I stopped all dairy but that's as far as I have gone with my diet, but willing to try anything. Thankyou for the suggestion. I'll make an appt monday.

Or anything that may have something in it that normally would cause you to be sleepy, but will stimulate a baby?
(guaifenesin, zyrtec, allergy medication, etc.)

water all dsy long, no meds or anything like that.

I was breastfeeding and only drinking the one cup of coffee, too.

It was that small amount of caffeine getting into my breast milk that was keeping him agitated and awake. When I quit the coffee, he started sleeping again.

Good luck! Hope you and your wee one get some rest soon. :hug:

blessing in disguise.

there was just no reason for it.

i'm gonna do that when i make her appt. on monday, thanks bob!

Can you sleep with her? I mean, does that help her sleep better? If so, that's what I'd do.

:hug:

We'll sleep in the spare bed together, side by side, or she'll sleep on me. She only does a few hours at a time in her crib. I don't sleep for shit though when we're like that.

was back to sleep, dozing when I could.

When he went back to sleep, I'd put him back in his crib and fall right into bed and sleep for as long as I could.

It worked. But I didn't get a full night's sleep again until he started kindergarten.

will she sleep if you drive her around in the car? Have you tried white noise in her room? We used a small box fan on the floor (not blowing on baby of course) for white noise and it helps block out other noises from startling them awake. Do you nap when she naps? It really helps, honestly! Is there someone who can watch her for a couple hours a couple times a week so that you can nap?

Hopefully this stage will be short and it's true what everyone says that it all goes by so quickly in the long run -- which isn't easy to remember when it's 4 am and you're bleary eyed from fatigue.

:hug: you're not doing anything wrong, being a mom is a trial and error experience at best

unfortunately, nobody is around during the day. My mom comes over 2 x's a week. She watches her while I get ready for work and until my hubbie comes home. And then for just a visit on thursdays. I do nap when BB naps, which when she does nap, it's rare that its a good long one. Usually 1/2 hour to an hour, sometimes longer, sometimes less. It's different everyday. But usually about the same time everyday. As for car rides, it used to work. Now it takes a while to get her to sleep that way, plus the cost of gas is a bit much.

baby a little baby cereal before she went to sleep - slept through the whole night from infancy (she weighed 9 lbs at birth - which made her like a 3 month old.)

Try it - it works.

it seemed to be giving her belly aches. She used to sleep through, but after the whole room change and teeth, it stopped.

just like a kidney stone. :P

I know the exhaustion you speak of. I wish I could offer a cure all, but really, it is just a phase. Kids (babies) just love to change their routine once in a while. I promise it will settle back in to something more normal. All I can say is don't try to be supermom. Don't worry about the dishes or the clothes. Rest when you need to, be gentle with yourself.

:hug:

think those are easier.....:)

I support the suggestion to see a pediatrician, to consider what you're eating and drinking, etc. etc. Sometimes Baby is a lot hungrier than we know, too. But don't rule out the possibility that little BBMaine-ah just likes your company and has altered her sleep patterns to make sure she gets to see you several times a night. This in turn disrupts her mood, and she's fussy and unhappy... the cycle goes on. If you discover there is nothing wrong with then you can look at behavioral changes. Yours and hers.
I used the Ferber method on two of my kids (the two incredibly smart, stubborn kids) and solved the problem you're describing in just a few days. Many people find the Ferber method to be despicable so I only offer up the name because it worked for me, and my kids are perfectly fine. *hugs* -Lisa

calling pedi on monday :hug:

the first one might do the trick, I'll bring it up to the pedi, BB is only 7 months old so second one won't work but it is certainly something to remember when she's older

I'd start out in the crib, but if he or she woke up, I'd take baby in bed with me. I had a mattress and box spring on the floor with a guardrail on the side (not high up for safety and no back board to get stuck in). The baby slept between me and the guardrail and basically had in encumbered boob access during the night. I had four (my younger 3 are 3 boys born within five years), worked part-time through most of it, and I had to sleep. Once they turned two, I worried about their own beds and it wasn't a huge issue.

edit: I'd really guess it's simply the combo of a growth spurt, teething, and change in sleeping place. Co-sleeping will help with your milk supply and if you can find a safe co-sleeping arrangement that you feel comfortable with, you'll get sleep. Not everyone likes this or wants this, but it worked for me, so it's what I know. I have very secure, smart and outgoing kids (now 6-15). The only alternative I know is Ferber, but if it is a growth spurt, your little one may just get more upset not getting what he needs and it sure won't help your milk supply.

in the spare bed. She will sleep, I will not. I guess thats not really "co-sleeping" is it? lol...

I wish she could go in our bed, but there's not enough room. I have considered moving her crib in though.

Before I say anything, you should know that I have always advocated co-sleeping until just recently.
When my nephew was little and I was taking care of him (for his first 2 years) during the day, we would nap
together and it was always fine. He slept 3 hours a day that way. Even if I didn't sleep, I could read a book
or whatever.

BUT.


A few months ago I was part of a very intensive training on infant safety. (My school just started taking infants and toddlers so it was a requirement). The nurse there told us two HORRIFYING stories.

1. A mother of 4 was co-sleeping with her 4th child, a 6 month old. She was so exhausted, she rolled over and smothered the baby. She woke up, found the unthinkable, and went catatonic.

2. Another mother was exhausted and was rocking her baby in the middle of the night breastfeeding. She nodded off, her breast fell down and smothered the baby.

Babies are very sensitive to light, sound, touch and smell. I see you've tried white noise- I'm also going to suggest classical music. It works wonders in the baby room at work. The second is, after you wash the babies sheets, lay with it on your for about an hour. It will pick up your scent and the baby will be able to smell it in her sleep. It's very soothing.

You could move the crib in too. My best friend and coworker went through a real rough patch quite similar to yours with her daughter a few months ago. The Doctor told her she HAD TO STOP picking the baby up out of the crib, because it was on reinforcing the babies need to sleep with mom. So, she spent 2 months (literally) hanging over the babies crib with her head on her daughters chest for about 2 hours each night. (She also went to sleep from 8-12 and then woke up. My friend would go in, soothe her and then lay over the top for hours. Once she got her firmly back to sleep, she'd go back to bed. This could happen two or three times a night) After a month, the baby started sleeping longer and longer so she spent less time hanging over the crib (her back was in agony). Two months later, the baby started sleeping through the night with no assistance. She sleeps from 8pm-7am.
She's 13 months old and her mom just said to me yesterday that she wasn't sure she is ready for another one because she is afraid that the sleeping will be like that again.


I wish you luck- I know how hard it is to be sleepless!


:hug:

I don't want a flame war with co-sleeping vs. cribs and it sounds like for the original poster, co-sleeping just isn't working for her and she needs help to find another sleeping arrangement for her family. That's fine. Nothing wrong with that. We all have to make choices for ourselves and children based upon individual needs and circumstances. I just fear another new mom will see what you wrote and have fears, so I'm enclosing some alternate info:

Sleeping Safely with your Baby

SLEEPING SAFELY WITH YOUR BABY

There has been a lot of media lately claiming that sleeping with your baby in an adult bed is unsafe and can result in accidental smothering of an infant. One popular research study came out in 1999 from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission that showed 515 cases of accidental infant deaths occurred in an adult bed over an 8-year period between 1990 and 1997. That's about 65 deaths per year. These deaths were not classified as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), where the cause of death is undetermined. There were actual causes that were verified upon review of the scene and autopsy. Such causes included accidental smothering by an adult, getting trapped between the mattress and headboard or other furniture, and suffocation on a soft waterbed mattress.

The conclusion that the researchers drew from this study was that sleeping with an infant in an adult bed is dangerous and should never be done. This sounds like a reasonable conclusion, until you consider the epidemic of SIDS as a whole. During the 8-year period of this study, about 34,000 total cases of SIDS occurred in the U.S. (around 4250 per year). If 65 cases of non-SIDS accidental death occurred each year in a bed, and about 4250 cases of actual SIDS occurred overall each year, then the number of accidental deaths in an adult bed is only 1.5% of the total cases of SIDS.

There are two pieces of critical data that are missing that would allow us to determine the risk of SIDS or any cause of death in a bed versus a crib.

* How many cases of actual SIDS occur in an adult bed versus in a crib?
* How many babies sleep with their parents in the U.S., and how many sleep in cribs?

The data on the first question is available, but has anyone examined it? In fact, one independent researcher examined the CPSC's data and came to the opposite conclusion than did the CPSC - this data supports the conclusion that sleeping with your baby is actually SAFER than not sleeping with your baby (see Mothering Magazine Sept/Oct 2002). As for the second question, many people may think that very few babies sleep with their parents, but we shouldn't be too quick to assume this. The number of parents that bring their babies into their bed at 4 am is probably quite high. Some studies have shown that over half of parents bring their baby into bed with them at least part of the night. And the number that sleep with their infants the whole night is probably considerable as well. In fact, in most countries around the world sleeping with your baby is the norm, not the exception. And what is the incidence of SIDS in these countries? During the 1990s, in Japan the rate was only one tenth of the U.S. rate, and in Hong Kong, it was only 3% of the U.S. rate. These are just two examples. Some countries do have a higher rate of SIDS, depending on how SIDS is defined.

(snip)

Other articles on co-sleeping:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/tami_breazeale.html
http://www.babyreference.com/Cosleeping&SIDSFactSheet.htm
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/cosleeping.asp

Safe Co-Sleeping pamphlet (PDF) from the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at Notre Dame University- http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/index.html

p.s.
I'm not just a mom of four, but I'm also high risk ob/gyn nurse with another degree in early childhood education/development. I don't know everything, but I do know some of the big picture research on the subject. (Not to mention a questioning progressive who knows that the CPSC study was funded by the crib manufacturers.)

However, the nurse that came to us for training wasn't talking about studies- she was talking about personal experience with two cases she was involved in.

It's good to know both sides.
And my philosophy is better safe than sorry.
That said, I co-slept with my nephews and cousins for years- from the time they were little little babies.
I never rolled over or had any problems.
But to be 100% honest, I'm not sure exactly how deeply I slept. lol.
It was a positive experience and I felt like snuggling with the kids bonded me to them more.


I don't consider what you wrote to be starting any kind of a "flame war". That's just silly.
You provided your info/research and I provided what I was told during training.

The truth is, infants are risky no matter where you put them to sleep.
I'm not a big fan of the crib being in the other room either.

For now, call in reinforcements. Have friends/family stop over to hold your baby while you take a nice long nap. Insist on having dh stay home for a few hours and work less, if at all possible (I used to dread when dh would go on a business trip, leaving me alone with a baby and an toddler! Argh!)

You aren't doing anything wrong. Some babies don't sleep well when they are teething. I used the Hyland teething tablets for short term relief. I don't suggest trying to establish a strict eating/sleeping habit.

You just need all hands on deck to give you a break. It'll be easier to deal with when you get sleep. If you can convince several people to help you out for a few hours every day or every other day, all of this will be much more tolerable.

That baby is your only thing to do right now.
Heck with the housework
Heck with cooking

Baby is first and you are in a very close second place.

Do you have a wise granny type to talk to?
I was not near any family when my kids were little -so I woke my girlfriend up with a call in the middle of the night.

Her granny called me back and we started my baby on formula with rice cereal the next day.
Full tummy and the little guy slept.

A doctors visit - plus sage advice from an elder may just do the trick.

Mothering is what's important right now. I just gave up on everything else. Also, I slept with the babies and when they woke up at night, I just lay on my side and fed them, from one side to the other, then quickly burped and changed them, lights off and barely awake.

old, I stopped letting him have naps. Finally at three years old, he managed to get me up only three times a night.

He's fifteen now, and still sleeps VERY little.

(How old is your baby?)

You are probably not doing anything wrong. Poor sleeping habits are an early sign of hyper activity (ADHD) but are not necessarily so.

See if anyone can respite you by staying in your home for a couple of hours to watch your baby while you catch up on your sleep.

If that is not an option, put on some soft music (lullabye tapes or even Manheim Steamroller... I used both), lie back on a recliner and hold the baby close to you. The music and being next to you should settle her enough that you can both sleep.

You catch your sleep when you can. Let all but the essential housework slide. It will wait for you.

Mine aren't ADD, but they're sure jacked up and they all are really good students. Sometimes I think they slept so poorly when they were little because they just didn't want to miss anything.

Haven't read the other responses yet but I'm sure there is good advice. My first never slept - he needed to nurse every 20 minutes for almost two years. I thought I would die. But now after more that 20 years I am catching up :rofl:

Seriously, try to sleep when baby does and it will get better eventually. All the things you feel the urge to get done while baby is sleeping? Fuck them. Don't do them - just sleep. Sleep depravation is harder to deal with than a dirty house or uncooked meals, or piles of laundry. You have the ultimate excuse - new baby - USE IT! Sleep when baby sleeps.

She's a baby and does NOT give a rats ass about your pre-conceived thinking!!!

You said she likes to sleep on you... LET HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You WILL be grateful for that later on in her life!! ;)

:hug:

You aren't doing anything wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hug:

Just LOVE her for now. DO what feels right to you!!!

There aren't ANY right or wrong answers.....

and she is so little now.... Indulge her!! GIVE LOVE and COMFORT!!!!!!!!!!!

:hug:

You are a really loving and caring and good mother, I can tell by what you posted. ;)

:hug:

Relax... all will be revealed....

FWIW. (Non-parent, no babycare experience.) But I think about you and your little girl a lot (one of our "election babies"!) and hope your family is okay.

Babies are just weird.

My first slept 10 hours a night by the time she was three months old and took long regular naps by six months old. So I thought I had it completely dialed, you know? Well number two comes along and he never slept more than two contiguous hours for the longest time and rarely napped. I did all the same things with him I did with my first. He was just a very different child.

The first 6 months when #2 was barely sleeping were devastating. I felt so hopeless, exhausted and out of control. I disliked co-sleeping, too, so that was not a good option for me either.

I can remember two things that really helped. First, I stated putting the baby down on his tummy, with the peds OK. He really needed to sleep on his belly not his back like the books recommend, to be comfortable. I guess yours might be passed that time now, but that did help us.

Second, I turned the baby monitor off. I would put ds down in his crib and leave both bedroom doors open. I could hear him when he really bellowed, but if he was just fussing a bit he could get over it and put himself back to sleep without waking the rest of us.

This is a hard time, but it will pass. Be good to yourself whenever you can.

but don't worry yourself too much. Giving yourself too much stress won't help. My mom says I never slept either (still have problems with that). But I was a healthy child and I'm a healthy adult.

Some good advice from the moms in this thread. Meantime...I hope it gets better for you. Hang in there.

Think of the stories you can tell her when she's older!

It was a nightmare!!

The doctors discovered she had acid reflux and her little belly was giving her problems.

My wife cut out wheat, dairy, tomatoes...almost everything you could think of, and finally our daughter was feeling better and sleeping.

This too, shall pass.

You are not doing anything wrong. As someone posted earlier -- every baby is different. Maybe your baby has an allergy that you aren't aware of?