I just feel bad today.

My husband felt the need yesterday to tell me that I should weigh about 140 lbs, meaning I should put on about fifteen. Later he joked about preferring women who were size 10, which is considerably larger than I am. I laughed it off, but it seriously hurt my feelings. I have no desire to be heavier, and while there are little things I'd be happy if I could change, overall I'm pretty happy with my body. I worked very hard after having children to get it the way it is, and I don't understand his need to criticize me. Shouldn't he just be proud of me?

Just venting...

:hug:

I wish I could give you 15 of mine.

If they could *just* go to my boobs, I'd take a couple.

:rofl:

:hug: :pals: You SHOULD be proud of yourself and so should he. :) I dated a guy once who felt the need to point out my "flaws". It drove me to distraction, and that's one reason we stopped dating. That was a long time ago, but I know how awful it felt.

I can kick his butt for you if you want... :)

he needs to lose weight. He DOES though- for HEALTH reasons. He's had health issues already. I don't know. Everyone's a critic, eh?

Has anybody been flirting with you in front of him? :shrug:

Maybe some guy made a comment and complimented you and he's worried.

You should feel good about yourself!! Don't let his insecurity get you down.

Address it! ;)

He's always been that way. He's confident in every other regard. It's strange. Perhaps you're right; maybe it has something to do with that.

why some guys do things like that. Never.

I wouldn't act hurt in front of him, so he probably doesn't realize that it really stings.

and probably never will.

I struggle with my weight. I have lost 10 pounds and want to lose another 20. My husband needs to lose weight too. He has complained that with me losing weight, my body has changed in ways that he is not necessarily thrilled with - i.e. smaller boobs! C'mon - are you kidding me?

My husband claims he doesn't mind small boobs (only I do, apparently!) I'm not sure *what* he thinks is wrong with me...

hmm, I suppose that's going right to the :nuke: option

I'm too nice to hit that low.
Probably.
:dilemma:

and don't let anyone tell you differently. If *YOU* are happy with yourself, don't let anyone, even him, plant doubts in your mind.

Your total hotness has nothing to do with weight, or height, or boobs, or boots, or any of those superficial things. It's about your intelligence, and progressive values, and sense of humor, and how wonderful of a mom you are, and the way you treat your friends, and the smiles you bring to those around you. You are just fine...

His comment probably had nothing to do with you, but instead his own insecurities.

:hug:

RL

appreciate all those things about me say something like that. I'm sure you're right. It's probably his own insecurities. It's not going to change the way I think of myself, because I don't aspire to be ther kind of person he wants me to be, rather the one I prefer to be. It's just not nice to hear.

You're a sweetheart. I'm glad to count you among my friends...
:hug:

Otherwise, he may not know. Then if he does it again, you know he's mad at you or something.
Things like that erode a marriage if you don't deal with them.

Just my .02.

BTW, you're beautiful.

because I think it's idiotic to make comments like that. My Mom does it, too. Last week she told me that if I 'just gained five pounds or so" I'd look really nice. Whatever. The more I try to defend myself, the more people bug me about it and act as though I'm being crazy or something. If I WANTED to gain five pounds, I would. It's not that hard.

Thanks, sweetie.

NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

I would still tell them it hurts you. They may not realize it.
Once people have been told something they do hurts you, then it becomes THEIR problem if they keep it up.

I got really thin years ago when I got divorced. Then I was able to eat better and gained it back. Unfortunately, I overshot the mark by about 35 lbs.

:D Oops.

Good thing I really don't care. I'll lose it when I'm ready. Nobody bugs me about it. They know better. ;-)

I go to the cafeteria where I work everyday to buy salad and cooked vegetables. I usually bring my lunch from home and then accessorize with whatever veggie they have for the day. I've recently lost a lot of weight - not suddenly - but now it's getting fairly noticeable. So last week I forgot my lunch and decided to get the cafeteria lunch. When I got to the cash register the cashier noticed I had gotten something different and said "Did you break your diet"

That annoyed the hell out of me! I don't want people commenting on what I'm eating - I've only just recently gotten used to the "wow, you've lost weight" comments.

Eating and body issues are so primal - even if a person had an eating disorder and someone said something out of concern, mentally you might understand that, but it will still make an emotional impact. Bottom line of what I'm saying I guess, just adding to NC_Nurse's comment, it is nobody's business but you can't control what other people say. So if you can't let it roll off your back, be gentle with yourself for having the understandable emotions that come up.

You're beautiful, and you shouldn't need to be any other size that what you are. :hug:

It's probably my fault for not saying something. I'm just getting tired of the comments from people. I bet he thinks that since I worked so hard to get smaller, it's a compliment to suggest that I'm OVERLY thin.

and love you as you are. divorce that insensitive cad and marry us, the Lounge, we know you're beautiful inside and out, just as you are. :hug:

I can't divorce him. He has a cute butt.

:rofl:

Hey, if a woman's naturally voluptuous that's one thing. But why mess with perfection here? :shrug:

I think many women look FAB-U-LOUS on the voluptuous side. I also think I'm entitled to have my own preferences when it comes to MY body. I'm tall. I'm smallish boned. Weight does not look or feel good on me. I'm still healthy, and I feel alot more lithe and able to move around at my present weight than I did, even fifteen pounds heavier. THAT is what matters, imho!

You really should let him know, in the best way possible, how that comment made you feel.

I'm afraid at this point I'll bust out crying, because I'm so fed up with it (my Mom and some of my friends make comments as well, so it's rather built up.)

and if you've been holding this in for this long, then who WOULDN'T cry? I think he needs to know.

And here's a hug for you: :hug:

She looks at her "BABE" pics taken at 110-120 when she was 25-30 and sighs.

Tell hubbie to go "fuck" HIMSELF. Then parade around in your undies to drive him nuts. THAT will shut the silly sod up.

I think the novelty wore off.

:P

I can't carry as much weight as alot of women my height. Plus, I've had babies.

And I constantly got comments about my weight... typically by catty female friends of mine. "Hey, skinny."... "You don't have to worry about THAT, skinny."

I'm now 155 and a size 8, with what I think is about 10 lbs. of muscle. I certainly don't get the same comments I've gotten before, but one day I headed to the local coffee shop here. As I was busy deciding whether to get a sugar free or a regular flavored coffee, the young lady across the counter (who was normal, if not a little chunky) turned to me and commented,

"You know, you really DON'T NEED the sugar free coffee." :puke:

"Ah," I answered, sucking in my malice, "I'll take that as a compliment."

I ordered the sugar free coffee ANYWAY.


My point here is that for those who actually achieve a healthy body, one especially has to deal with comments from the body image peanut gallery. Some people have a built in aggression for those who are in good shape. They roll their eyes and cluck their tongues, commenting on how that person must have a personal trainer or they chatter on about how they're too thin when indeed that person is the correct weight for their height.

But Lara, if you are healthy and feel good, and especially if your doctor gives you a clean bill of health, then your husband and others need to learn how to accept you as you are.

hard to up the weight w/o also jacking up the cholesterol numbers.

He is definitely a zombie.

Oh, and post pictures.

BAD TYLER!:spank::spank::spank:

not that fascinating, anymore. It's okay. I just have to be more inventive, which isn't a wholly bad thing.

But then, perhaps the entire rest of the male population NEEDS E.D. meds. I watch those commercials and laugh.

Deb thinks I walk around in a permanent state of semi-arousal, which she thinks is silly at 55.

Unfortunately, she's right. Oh Well.

Plain Jane White for the undies is just fine, thanks.

:rofl:

In fact................

Parade around in novelty undies.

assured the man that I'll be heavy and out of shape eventually so why rush me? The guy I'm dating told me a)he likes small boobs and b)not to do anything to change their size because he doesn't want anybody else to look at me. Basically I think men don't have a clue when they make statements about our weight, breast size, etc. If they understood, they wouldn't say anything.

For what it's worth, you are pretty much perfect and I've always had pangs of envy when you post a picture. So there. :hug:

You're a gorgeous doll; I can't imagine anyone picking you apart, either, but that doesn't seem to be a factor, huh? Some guys are rather clueless...

I'm a LEG man m'self.

In order to find me interesting a guy's got to be a leg or an ass man. The rest of me, meh. :D

First date.

I asked her if she rather I stared at her chest. She said, "Once in a while is fine."

Yes, eyes are very important for me too; that and the smile. Unless the gentleman has a brain however, he can look like Narcissus and I still wouldn't find him interesting.

She could have a little less OCD but what the hell. She tolerates most of my neuroses quite well.

Breasts are for baby's pleasure. A MAN should know where the payoff is.

Hubba Hubba.

Eyes are still great tho.

I wouldn't change a thing about you..(except the funny monster feet):silly:
Face it men can be dicks..:hug:

They can be. So can us women, I suppose. The inter-gender communication process is a rather muddy one sometimes.

people don't always do the things they should. (Ahhhh, the dreaded 'S' word.)

When one suggests changes to one's partner, one usually has one's own issues. His may be about his own extra pounds or something entirely different. I'd venture to guess he may have insecurities that he hasn't told you about (and may not be aware of himself) since his stroke last year.

In any case, I'm sure he's thinking of Smart Pounds — y'know, those highly evolved fat cells that know precisely where to go for optimum effect. You might subtly remind him that few humans gain Smart Pounds (I sure as hell didn't) and he might not like the result he suggests.

FWIW, Lara, you're one of the precious few thin women I consider hotter'n all hell.

:hug:

Thanks!

Y'know, when I was certifiably overweight while I was in my having babies years, no one EVER commented on my weight, and I felt gross. Now all I hear is "don't wither away to nothing," and "Geez, Lara! etc. etc."

I think part of the issue is that people got used to me being more filled out, and think I'm just going to keep losing weight until I decompose or something. It would be nice if they could give me enough credit to suppose that I know when I'm to the point where I'm unhealthy. Weight and parenting- two subjects about which EVERYONE has an opinion regaring everyone else's choices.
:eyes:

And the fact that you are comfortable with your body is a blessing - so many in our society are not.

:hug:

I figure that I have to live in it, so I'm well advised to make it as fun and functional (sounds like a coffeetable) as possible. I'm presently on a "build up my upper body strength" kick. It's HARD! I'm alot stronger on my right side than my left, because I always carry Jack on the right.

That should make him feel good.

Unless you got to the size you are in an unhealthy way, he should keep quiet.

:pals:

...A man complaining that his wife isn't big enough. :shrug: As they say here in Spain, "Cada loco con su tema." I personally think you've got every reason to be proud- you've had three children and you still have the body of a 20 year old. Who wouldn't want that?

:D


Actually, not really. The only body I want would be the body of a woman I love, and it wouldn't matter exactly how it looked or how she felt it looked.

And you, Ms Lara, can not only remain happy with who you are and what you look like (as you may have noticed, a great many of us here -- male and female alike -- will rapidly leap forward to express our belief that you are a highly bodacious babe) but can take to heart soem of what has been said here: nobody wants to badmouth your husband, but it's pretty likely that the comments to you about your slenderness are reflections of his own knowledge that he needs to lose weight for the good of his health and frustrations that can go along with that. That doesn't change the hurt that can be inflicted by and accumulate from him repeating his comments, so I would echo the input of others here: tell him how it makes you feel, because bottling these kinds of things up tends to make them worse for everyone.

:hug:

The dude must be jokin' ya. Yer a babe!

You are welcome to my ample form: you'll get your 140 lbs., and then some. Don't worry; I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

It may be his way of expressing that he is concerned about you continuing to lose weight when he thinks that you looked fine before.

:P

Kidding, of course.

I remember seeing a picture of you a while back, and it seemed to me you looked just fine. As everybody on this thread has told you. :)

Signed,
Somebody that actually could stand to gain 15 pounds.