Academy Awards for Bush's Speech

The Envelope Please:
Most surreal moment of last night's speech was when he said, at his Orwellian best: "For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible, and no one can now doubt the word of America." Especially words like weapons of mass destruction, imminent threat, etc.

Runner up for most surreal: "Activist judges, however, have begun redefining marriage by court order, without regard for the will of the people and their elected representatives. On an issue of such great consequence, the people's voice must be heard. If judges insist on forcing their arbitrary will upon the people, the only alternative left to the people would be the constitutional process." Bush v. Gore, anyone?

Best Legalism: "We are seeking all the facts - already the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related programme activities and significant amounts of equipment that Iraq concealed from the United Nations." What the fuck is "weapons of mass destruction-related programme activities"? As Al Fraken asked afterward, does a bake sale count? And note that wmd doesn't qualify "significant amounts of equipment"--I guess that's how he gets to include the mobile trailers that had nothing to do with WMD.

Boldest statement: "I propose a new temporary worker programme to match willing foreign workers with willing employers, when no Americans can be found to fill the job." Saying that to the unemployed and underemployed and employed at wages supressed by illegal workers took Texas-sized cojones. (As an aside, this worker program is the biggest gift to employers, not immigrants, that I've heard of in a long time.)

Runner up for boldest statement: "The cause we serve is right, because it is the cause of all mankind. The momentum of freedom in our world is unmistakable and it is not carried forward by our power alone. We can trust in that greater power who guides the unfolding of the years. And in all that is to come, we can know that his purposes are just and true. " (While claiming God is on our side is perhaps bolder, it is runner up because it is unoriginal)

Slickest code: "I know that some people question if America is really in a war at all. They view terrorism more as a crime, a problem to be solved mainly with law enforcement and indictments. ...After the chaos and carnage of September 11th, it is not enough to serve our enemies with legal papers." (anyone we accuse of being a terrorist must be denied constitution protections)

First Runner up for Slickest code: "I signed this measure proudly, and any attempt to limit the choices of our seniors, or to take away their prescription drug coverage under Medicare, will meet my veto. ...To make insurance more affordable, Congress must act to address rapidly rising health care costs. Small businesses should be able to band together and negotiate for lower insurance rates, so they can cover more workers with health insurance." Note: the president's law prohibits the government from using the clout of medicare and medicaid to negotiate for lower drug costs, and prohibits Canadian-priced drugs...

Second Runner up for slickest code: "And we should limit the burden of government on this economy by acting as good stewards of taxpayer dollars. In two weeks, I will send you a budget that funds the war, protects the homeland, and meets important domestic needs, while limiting the growth in discretionary spending to less than 4%. This will require that Congress focus on priorities, cut wasteful spending, and be wise with the people's money. By doing so, we can cut the deficit in half over the next five years." (The deficit is Congress's fault and caused by wasteful discretionary spending, which, btw, does not include the war or protecting the homeland)

Most obnoxious: "There is a difference, however, between leading a coalition of many nations, and submitting to the objections of a few. America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our country." Where does the U.S. begging the U.N. to step into Iraq, most strenously the day before the speech, fit into that? How does pre-emptively striking Iraq qualify as defending the security of our country?

Runner up for most Obnoxious: "Some critics have said our duties in Iraq must be internationalised. This particular criticism is hard to explain to our partners in Britain, Australia, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Italy, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Romania, the Netherlands, Norway, El Salvador, and the 17 other countries that have committed troops to Iraq." For starters, it's a lie. Not all of those countries have committed troops; e.g. Bulgaria, gave us fly over rights only, and hey, they're really close to Iraq; Netherlands or Norway, I forget which, has sent a medical team only; and hey, what the hell did El Salvador do? Send a contingent of the death squads we trained in Virginia? Give us fly over rights? ???

Best accidental double entendre: "We also hear doubts that democracy is a realistic goal for the greater Middle East, where freedom is rare. Yet it is mistaken, and condescending, to assume that whole cultures and great religions are incompatible with liberty and self-government." This was addressing critics of the idea that Iraq can be a democracy; however, it could've just as easily been aimed at Israel.

Moment most likely to induce puking: "Last month a girl in Lincoln, Rhode Island, sent me a letter. It began: "Dear George W Bush. If there is anything you know I, Ashley Pearson age 10, can do to help anyone, please send me a letter and tell me what I can do to save our country." She added this PS: "If you can send a letter to the troops, please put 'Ashley Pearson believes in you.' "

Tonight, Ashley, your message to our troops has just been conveyed. And yes, you have some duties yourself. Study hard in school, listen to your mom or dad, help someone in need, and when you and your friends see a man or woman in uniform, say: "Thank you."" In addition to thank you, Bush, how about Veteran's benefits, livable pay for those currently serving, and the resources necessary to stabilize Iraq?

Runner up for most likely to inspire puking: "So tonight I propose an additional $23m dollars for schools that want to use drug testing as a tool to save children's lives. The aim here is not to punish children, but to send them this message: We love you, and we don't want to lose you." (Never mind the extremely punitive drug sentences or the invasion of privacy).

Most likely to inspire slapping his face: the constant smirking and preening, particularly when his face clearly said "See, I delivered that line just like I practiced" even when he was delivering somber statements.

Not Bush in 2004!

Humorous and thought-provoking, also right on target.

This is a Lounge thread? Belongs in General Discussion, IMHO.

kick!