Married vs single

I have lived both lifestyles. I like being married more. Yes there are times when I wish it was the other way, but that is normal I guess. Mrs bearfan is my best friend, my soulmate, and a constant companion that I can count on. Sure sometimes I got more sex when I was single, but 2 to 3 times a week isn't too shabby for married. Me and her and our granddaughter have a happy family lifestyle together. We do a lot of family things with the baby. I'm 47 and at the point where I like some stability in my life.

Do you guys and gals like married or single better ? Just wondering.

But I'm sure if I met Ms. Right (and she would have to hate Bush and be a hottie) it'd be different.

marrying your girlfriend a while back? Or was that someone else?

been divorced and on my own for 18 years.

being single is cool with me tho. i like my peace and quiet.

Then it's better to be married. Otherwise I would prefer to be alone.

I actually prefer being "double," but being single is much better than being in a bad relationship, and being desperate to get paired off warps your whole attitude.

single... several ltrs... never worked out.. prefer single to bad relationship and won't do the desperate thing.

Being single has its advantages, but it can be rather lonely at times; particularly when you live alone, as I do.

but I chose marriage myself...at least marriage with the right person...:)

being married to the right person. I've never been married, but I've been in relationships which were miserable because they weren't with the right person. And I've seen enough bad marriages to know that it's much better to be single than to be married to the wrong person and/or in a bad marriage. People should never get married just to please their family, or because they feel they have to since they're not getting any younger, or because they're "settling" because they're afraid they'll always be alone, etc., etc. If it ain't with the right person, it just isn't going to work and you're better off being single.

And, may I say that there's nothing at all wrong with being single, it doesn't mean you're any less of a person or can't have a life, etc., etc. This is a society that puts a lot of emphasis on marriage, which causes people to often frown on those who aren't married, and I think that's why so many singles are uncomfortable with being single.

I've seen just how good marriage can be when you're married to the right person, though. I'm certainly NOT one of those pathetic, "desperate" single women whose only goal is to get married, but I would like to experience that someday. And yes, it can, indeed, get lonely being single.

Now in earlier days, while I was still looking, I had a wonderful time doing just that. But being in love with your best friend is a pretty hard hand to beat. Wouldn't change it even if I could.

However, I envy those who feel like they're married to their soulmate. I feel like I married a good friend, but I wouldn't say it was ever at that level with us. There's many things he's done that have made me not trust him and I don't know if I will ever feel as close as he wished anymore, but we do have a companionship that can be nice at times. Sex is okay, but then again, my frame of reference is minimal and there have been things I wished to improve that he was reluctant about which ended up making me feeling rather weird in the process. We have mutual goals and are good parents together. Whether that can be enough for me forever is yet to be seen. Whether I'd want to risk be alone is a daunting prospect. I'm still a young woman, but I have a lot of responsibility as well. However, it would be nice to have all the good things about being married and not just a few.

Had you asked that question three and a half years ago, I would have answered definitely for marriage. My first marriage lasted ten years, and it took me another three years to remember who I used to be (complete and utter identity loss). I was single for ten years, and rather enjoyed it, for the most part. I had nothing, and needed nothing more than what I had (just me and the cat). I finished an advanced degree and then decided (with prompting from friends) to go for the 'big degree'). I had to move, as that university did not offer a Ph.D. So, here I was in freeperland, with the cat, living in a great little efficiency apartment, and quite happy with my life. Two months after I moved here, I met the lady who later became my wife (another non-traditional grad. student). as you described, she was my best friend, confidant, and soulmate. We lived together for two years and got married in 2000. We had a great relationship, one that we thought would stand up to anything. During the summer of 2000, our son (my stepson) moved down here to go to college (he had never had the opportunity to go to school and we made the offer).
I do not regret giving him the opportunity to get an education, but I sadly regret the effect he had on our household. He almost immediately started making demands on my wife's time, and told her, in no uncertain terms that we lived like pigs (nothing could be farther from the truth, incidentally-his major objection was that we lived as Bohemians of a sort, concentrating our energies on completing our coursework, exams and dissertations).
Mrs. Mikimouse is a dear lady, and I love her deeply, but her attention is sharply focused on her son (which I could understand better if he was not 31). I, in turn, have become the family pariah, because I am not anything like our son. Sorry to be long winded, the situation has simply gotten worse and worse, and I fear that we don't really have too much time left. It is a crying shame.

Explain how you feel. Just don't do it when you are fucked up. I have messed up several times with Mrs bearfan by doing that. You can be totally right, but if you do it at the wrong time, that is bad too.

and she immediately begins with raising her voice, and calling names. She disdains the type of work I do as not as important as the work she currently does, and in fact, looks down on me for having given up my previous profession. She makes strong innuendos about me not being competitive (as compared to her), and suggest that I should have married someone who is not as competitive as she. Make no mistake, I happen to think that I am pretty good at what I do, and I have departmental statistics that will bear me out, as well as the fact that people ask me for recommendations on a constant basis. It is almost as if she is punishing me for not having kowtowed to our son. I was never hard on him (cripe, he lived with us for three years, free, while I was teaching an overload to pay for it!). But, I did make my opinions known when he was irresponsible with the money his grandmother sent him (I am not stingy, but very aware of needs versus wants, having been homeless at times in my life). She currently has a position (for the next two years) at another university, and rarely comes 'home'. She does not feel it necessary to split the bills, so I am living in a place (because i had to sign a lease before she decided that she was leaving) that was occupied by three or four people (when son's girlfriend 'visited'), and it is me and the cats (she took one with her and left the three others here). My employment opportunities vary by semester, so I have to teach an overload when and if it is available, which, of course cuts into my research time and my dissertation, so I am behind (it'll get done, come hell or high water!). She has completely separated herself from any responsibility for our shared expenses, even though she currently makes more money than I do (money isn't important to me, but commitment is very important. I am feeling used and abandoned.

in my twenties I worked with a woman who was in her second marriage... and she was very unhappy... explained how lonely is even lonelier when in a marriage - because the isolation is emotional and physical with a daily reminder of physical proximity that somehow makes the isolation complete. Sounded tragic. Stuck with me through the years. See Lydia's post above (which is my status as well)... and the description of loneliness within a marriage that is has gone bitter is a big reason I never gave into the desperation of the biological clock that drives some women into serious relationships and marriage far too quickly. That said - I hear the ache in your words.. and my heart goes out for you. May you once again find your peace and centeredness.

I honestly don't know what will happen, but what I do know is this: I consider it my 'mission' to finish my degree and get out of here and get a real position somewherre. I can no longer allow myself to be concerned about location, and will pursue the two universities that I am most interested in. She didn't really like either location, but I feel that I must look out for myself at this point. Meanwhile, I have to plan on moving out of this apartment, by myself, in August. I have no clue about where I will end up, but I can't continue keeping this place for another year. The only thing I can guarantee is that the cats will never, so long as I draw breath, be without a home, with me. I promised and I don't take promises lightly.

lonely is even lonelier when in a marriage - because the isolation is emotional and physical with a daily reminder of physical proximity that somehow makes the isolation complete

I can attest to the truth of that.

Every day seeing his f*cking face is just another reminder of how little I feel anymore. Wish I did, but I can't trust him anymore.

There is no hell on this earth like sharing daily intimacies with somenow you know doesn't give a rat's ass about you, nor you them.

to say something about you and the Mrs., KCDem, 'cause you guys are both great people and it'd be sad if that were the case!

Sounds like my second marriage, only instead of a stepson who thought his opinion on my lifestyle was appreciated while I was sending his boomerang ass back to school, I had a jailbird.

Get Out Now.

to have to put up with that. She should be putting you first, as her husband, anyway, instead of her grown-up baby of a son, who obviously wanted to cause trouble between you two. Sounds like you'd be better off single.

to your note. First of all, thank you for your kind note. My real problem with much of this is that I want her to acknowledge me, not just because I am her husband, God knows that I am not the easiest person to live with (politically active, and idealistic too, even at my age), but because I am a sentient human with feelings. Apparently there is not room for two men in her life, and the top spot is clearly taken. I never attempted to be in competition with anyone, and always thought that we were of one mind in our endeavors (especially true as far as the son goes). At first, when he first moved here, she was furious about his frivolous spending and complaining about not having a social life. He threatened to not return to school if Grandma didn't give him the money that she had set aside as his sponsor(so grandma coughed it up and then had to write another letter of sponsorship when he didn't finish on time). That money should have stayed in her account, to be used only in the payment of tuition, fees and books, instead it went for nights out on the town with his school buddies, trips all over the place with the girlfriend (now wife) and all types of other extracurricular activities. He still hasn't finished his two year degree (now a projected four year degree). There are all kinds of excuses being made and I simply have fallen into the cracks somehow. The atmosphere in the house got so tense that I tried to refocus, but failed in the attempt. I am very tired and upset about the whole situation. If she is happy, then I suppose that I can take some comfort in the fact that I helped her get established in the US. It is something that she did indeed want, and I will wish her well, but I feel that I deserve to be heard, not just because I am her husband but because of the reasons I listed above.

through that, you really don't deserve it. Not many men would have done what you did. I'm a single mother with a 12-year-old son, and I hope to God I NEVER do that when he's older, if by chance I ever do marry. I've told my mom to shoot me if I did do that, lol! He's going to learn to pull his own weight and grow up when the time comes, and if I don't make him do it, I know my mom certainly will!

And that's great that you're still idealistic and politically active, I think those traits shouldn't disappear with age. Who knows, maybe she'll come around and realize what's really happening and things will work out. I certainly hope they do, for you. Good luck!

even at 50, one can still be young in one's thinking. I will always believe that we can be a better society than we are, and will work toward improvement. It is the journey that counts, as the end is never in sight because of constant change. Thanks for the message, you and BJ have helped me to hold on to my sanity, at least temporarily. Onward and upward!

I am at a loss to explain how all of this happened, but she does think that she is somehow better. She disdains teaching (It is what I live for), and considers herself to be the only real researcher in the family (never mind that I have published fairly extensively). She doesn't consider teaching to be at all challenging and constantly interrupts me when I am working. Some of her approach may arise from her severe disappointment last year when her student/faculty evaluations turned out to be not so good. I think that she resents the fact that mine are consistently very good. Having said that, I feel it only fair to point out that it was her first (and now only) semester teaching, and she had not been in that situation before that. She went in really 'gung ho', and I thought that she did a very good job, but she doesn't want my opinion.
I told her many years ago that we would not have a 'normal' life until we finished our degrees, but she changed her approach once our son moved here. I cannot and will not sacrifice everything I have worked for all these years. I started grad. school for a reason; I wanted to make a difference. That is crucial for me, as I did so as a result of getting sober after a good many years. I feel very strongly about my potential contributions, and feel that I survived my shenanigans during my final drinking days for a reason, though I cannot say that I had anything to do with my survival; that came from somewhere else. She is a fine researcher, very talented and a good writer as well, but that does not mean, at least not to me, that what she does is superior to what I do.

First, let me qualify myself by saying i'm not schooled in the social dynamics of being an academian, since I'm a technical worker. I do realise your world is different than mine, though.

And I'm not a religious peson, but the Christian bible has a line in it somewhere about "Be ye not unevenly yoked", which I take to mean that the ideal is for a married couple to "pull together" throughout life, not say shit like "I'm the only REAL researcher in this family".

Your experience mirrors mine to an extent. It borders on abusive. Yep, I said abusive. she doesn't HAVE to throw stuff at you or hit you to be abusive. From what I gather, you're not even living together anymore,but you're paying for everything. That's wrong. You pay to keep the home fires burning, and she plays with her money. I was in the same situation, I payed for all the "boring" stuff, like utilities and mortgage, and she blew her funds on soiree's with other women, one of whom she eventually "kicked me to the curb" over. (Hell, she told me she was going to trade shows)

Unless of course you LIKE being mistreated, which since you came to us for our opinion, I gather it's no news flash to you that this is NOT a "normal" marriage.

Stepson taking 4 years to get a 2-year degree is ridiculous, too. I take it YOUR funds are bankrolling him as well? And now he's brought a wife into the mix for you to support?

If I didn't jerk a knot in his gravy train right now, I would at least give him a deadline, as in "Look, I didn't sign on to have you easy-riding as a "Professional Student" on my dime for the rest of my life. You have to compleat your degree by 'X' date or the money is going to be cut off." He will scream, she will scream, but what's the worst that could happen? She could tell you "You have 48 hours to get your shit out of my house or I'm calling the Sheriff..."

And would that be so bad?

Good luck, Mikimouse. you deserve better than this.

She took a job at another university about 300 miles from here, but she pays her own rent and stuff. It is the apartment that I suddenly got stuck with (a two bedroom deal) that is killing me. She procrastinated on signing the lease, and finally managed to avoid it altogether, so I am the only one listed on the lease. The son got married in August and moved out, so they are gone too. The things that I am paying for are the rent on this now somewhat useless apartment, student loans, utilities (which I have managed to cut to a third of what they used to be, thank the gods), and the usual daily expenses. She does not consider the student loans to be 'ours', but rather mine. And yes, I did support the son all the while he was here. I paid the majority of the rent and utilities, and we kept foodstuffs around that he would eat (there's a lot of stuff he will NOT eat (I hunt to keep the larder stocked, but when he found out that a lot of the meat we had in the freezer was venison, he refused to eat it anymore, a real shame). Anyway, they are all gone, and seemingly feel no need to even think about helping me out. The only time I hear from Mrs. Mikimouse is when she periodically calls, and then it is usually a matter of picking my (very small and somewhat useless) brain on questions about research methods. To her credit, she is paying her own way in her current place.
I know that it is not a normal marriage, and I am damned angry about what has happened. What we had was very special.

like that will make her realize that you did/do, indeed, have something special, that she misses you, and that it's time to try to get that back. I sure hope so, because you deserve that.

And believe me, I know how annoying this sounds right now, but you really are lucky in a way. You know the old saying "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?" I used to think that was pretty stupid, but now that I'm older I understand more of what that really means. I'm 39, and have never really been in love, never experienced that kind of special togetherness, and there's no guarantee that I ever will. Sure, I've had relationships, but the last one was a long time ago and none of them were really "true love." At least you've experienced that, for what I little I know that's probably worth to you right now.

Where there's life, there's hope. She has, however, told me repeatedly in the past few months that she really enjoys her new surroundings and that 'my' apartment does not, and now she tells me never did, have 'her' feel to it. She now tells me that even the pictures on the wall (the ones she wanted to have framed) are not what she would have in her house. OK, they are pictures that were either drawn or painted by an old friend of mine, a lady in her late 70s, and whatever the content (they are quite innocuous, mostly pen and ink works and aquarels), they add a great deal to the place. Anyway, she now tells me that the place is not what she would have preferred.
On your other note, you are absolutely correct, it IS better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The flip side of it is that, having loved, one never forgets all of the bright hopes and mental plans that once made life worthwhile and the workload bearable. I went through a horrible divorce in my early 30s, much of the horror being brought on myself, by myself. I offer no excuses. Over the years, however, I have become the person I once was, so many years ago, the person I lost in my first marriage. I keep thinking about all of the wonderful discussions Mrs. Mikimouse and I used to have, before all of this came about. OK, I realize that I am rambling, just like the jackass I am, and I apologize for having done so. It is enough to sat that your statement was right on the mark. Love is a wonderful thing, an experience that I would not have foregone, even knowing the eventual direction it would take. I am only sorry that what has happened, has happened.

If I may be so bold as to say.
I'm this same age as he is and I'm married, with children, own a home, am oozing with responsibility and doing a damn good job of it all (happiness is a side issue at this point). I'm currently working on my second degree and doing hands-on work in our home improvement tasks.
I rely on my parents for nothing. My "mommy" wouldn't stand for this. He's a grown up and he needs to act like one.

he is accustomed to getting what he wants, when he wants it. Grandma and his great aunt have showered everything on him for many years, ostensibly because he had such a rotten childhood. He didn't, but Mrs. Mikimouse feels guilty about his childhood because she was working when the kids (there are two, and our daughter is a gem-she is the only one who ever called me dad, and I still get misty thinking about that) were young; BUT, she HAD to work in order for the kids to be able to have access to many of the activities in which they participated. Mrs. Mikimouse was an entertainer in her younger life and a professional athlete as well. She is a very talented individual (sings like a bird), but that kind of work takes place largely at night, so that's when she was gone. I find it completely understandable that she did what she did; none of the money that she earned ever got spent on her, all of it on the kids. Our son, however, has figured out that she feels guilty about not being home as much as she thinks she should have been, and capitalizes on it. Grandma and great aunt are no help because they know nothing about the real situation in the first marriage but are quick to pile it all on my wife. It frankly makes me ill with sadness, not so much for me, but for her. There was a time when she really was happy and had started to get in touch with the terrific person she really is. All of that is gone now, and I mourn its untimely passing. I know from whence you speak. I too was independent at that age (in fact, I was a full time contributor to the household at age 16, and rather enjoyed it), but he is content to do what he will and blame others when things go sour. It is always someone else's fault that things don't work out, never his, and she tried to smooth things out instead of letting him figure out the patterns (if I do this, X could be the consequence, and has been many times).

Single for ten years.
Yes i think would love the joy of a partner.
I don't want to live with a goldfish.

There are times when I come home and think "Thank God there's nobody here"
But that's a weakness of charachter in me. I have woman in mind. She's been under my nose for 8 years, we talk all night, drink wine, talk about our needs, we don't judge eachother.

Last Friday we had coffee together talking about this very problem. Afterwards I thought "That's the kind of woman I want".
Really.
Don't know where to go from here

confused in Nova Scotia :(

I don't like answering to, or having to rely on, another person. Inevitably, they let you down in a crucial situation or you try to change each other in unflattering ways.

Guess I was meant to be a Free Agent. And I'm cool with that :)



:hippie:

however, there are times when I wished I could have had more times as a single person or living by myself (have been in one relationship since I got out of college). I always lived in group houses and with roommates. Sort of like Virginia's Woolf's longing for a room of one's own. And when you have a child, you need to wait for some aspects of that, since personal space is usually at a premium. I tease my husband that when we are older we can live in separate halves of a duplex just to see what that would be like!

That's what I've found, too....Plus I just cannot _stand_ being around one person for a long time, especially in a romantic context.

And then there are the hordes of guys (friends, boyfriends, and strangers) who've called me fat for being 5 foot four and 125 pounds. :eyes: I'd rather live without emotional abuse, and I've always been happier single than in a relationship, anyhow.

But I think being single is easier if you have a great roommate and/or pets--which I do! :)

I've been married when it was bad. Really bad.

I've been single when dining at a buffet was great.

Then I was married, for 12 years, when I thought it couldn't be any better. It turned out it still wasn't good enough, and now I've been single for 3 years again.

Being single has its benefits and drawbacks. I don't know how to weigh them to say which is better. On the one hand, I get to do whatever the hell I want, when I want, and I answer to no one. No one. I don't take care of anyone, I don't meet anyone's needs. (Except the dog, cats, hens, and horses). On the other hand, nobody else takes care of anything; every single little detail of life is up to me, with no passing "go" until I've taken care of all the chores, all the repairs, all the bills, all the appointments, all the projects, all the business. In my spare time, when I'm not at work. And the bed is perpetually empty.

I think everyone should spend some time totally on their own. It's a different kind of education. And I think the right relationship is great; if I thought I'd ever meet anyone I could put up with, who could put up with me, I'd explore the possibilities. And if I don't, I like my independence and solitude, too.

Although it's in a single-person dorm room.

I like stability too... and I'm only in college.

I feel old all of a sudden.

never married, probably forever.

I was just on a trip with a co-worker and we spent so much time together, I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

By day five, I couldn't stand the sound of him breathing (or perhaps it was the fact he was breathing at all. :P)

The only way I could see it working is to maintain separate residences. Do you think I could find a guy willing to go for that one? :-)

:hi:

I mean, with all that hot water at your house...

I was savin' it all for you. :P

You could be Ms. alwynsw #4.
Hmmm...I wonder where polygamy is legal.

I can't get a divorce. The current Ms. alwynsw is reading as I type.

You could always invite her to join us. :evilgrin:

BTW, not keen on being Mrs. anything. :D

And take turns spending the night at each place when you're up for it.
Less stress all around.

So, do you really think a man would be interested in such a deal?

Think that is the way to go. Myself included. Then you never get tired of each other.

Of course it could still happen but not as likely.

Maybe I should take out a singles ad and use it as a selling point. Any suggestions on the wording?

:) or something like that. Too bad you live far away.

We keep seperate cribs....
But then, she's not into "slumber parties" and "sleep-overs", either.

.

No, you wouldn't go for this? No, no normal man would? :shrug:

How about a really big house? I could have my own "do not disturb" room.

(tee-hee) :7

of our mutual addiction, they would just NEED to have a separate room. :P

BTW, I like slumber parties and sleep overs, especially if the guy serves me breakfast in bed. Just leave by noon. :-)

You know they’e serious when 2 bikees start looking at tandems together....:-)

That’d be some “storage system” if it was just ONE room for the bikes...:7

I think would be ideal. It may have saved my last relationship.

In my last relationship, a sudden layoff compelled me to move in with my now ex-girlfriend, with only a 3 month dating period. As most people would say, it was a recipe for disaster. However, despite the bickering, fights over money and all, we made it last six years.

I like being single, but like you, I need my own space. I agree with alot of the single posters in that, there are times that its great having your own space. But there are the other times when I really miss the companionship and the personal validation that comes with being in a relationship. Its mostly the small stuff I miss. Having someone else in the bed, someone actually GIVING A SHIT about how you feel and your experiences.

I know the personal validation stuff is bullshit, that I shouldn't need another person to feel comfortable in my own skin. But I think that happens to alot of folks. And I think its the biggest reason I haven't gotten back up on the horse. That and the fact I seem to get along famously with other guys girls (what is with that?).

Proles, if you find the perfect way to package the whole together, but living separate thing in a way that works, let me know. I'll buy up half the rights and we'll go into business. It could only make us rich.

Foamdad

And the thrid time is definitely the charm.

#1 I couldn't get along with her boyfriend

#2 A non-compliant-with-her-meds psycho bitch that used me for target practice. Good thing she missed

#3 PERFECT!

I've been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years. Things haven't been the greatest lately, and I have to honestly say if our relationship ended I wouldn't be all torn apart over it. I like being in a relationship, but I'm beginning to really miss my freedom.

..it seems like every woman I get to know (on a date) turns out to be
either a phony or re-thuglican or both.

before you get a good one. But once you do, you can make it good for both of you.

Had enough sense to realize that most of the men I picked-- charismatic "bad boy" types would make terrible husbands!

After much therapy, was able to choose a good, emotionally available man and stick with him.

Not to say it's always been easy-- we each brought a carload of baggage and we've gone thru enough couples therapy over the years to finance a BMW, but on the whole I'm a helluva lot happier with him than without him.

so I am feeling a bit like a single mom these days. It puts a definite strain on things and makes the whole partnership thing really tough. It won't last forever...he takes it when he can get it...but I do want my REAL husband back. :hi:

I waited a long time for Mrs. V. Kissed only two froggettes in the meantime.... both were excellent gauges for me of what I did NOT want.

I also kissed a frog. Thankfully, as all we did was kiss, I retain my Gold Medal Dyke status. ;)

Seriously, though. I love being married. For me it's far better than singlehood was.

LOL, I like that!

Always wanted a gold medal in swimming. (Softball wasn't an Olympic sport in my youth.) Since I never made it, I'll take one for retaining my integrity.

.....yet!

as a hetero I used to hear a lot of anti-gay sentiment from people, and now that seems to be changing big-time. You'd never know it listening to the idiot ignorant politicians and watching how they fall all over themselves to pass bans on gay marriage, but it's true. The day is coming when it will finally happen and the wingnuts will get their comeuppance.

I was her third husband, and now she's "come out" with one more marriage to go.

I, unfortunately, look to be done with the matrimony game....

Single white male seeking single white female. I recently retired from my job exporting jobs to India... just in time I might add.

Except for the lack of sex, I have to say I finally have come to terms with being single. (oh, I almost said "gotten a grip" , but....)

I'm in a screwed-up LTR. We don't live together, her job stress and "The CHANGE" has thrown the chocks to my sex life, And I don't see us ever living together or trying marriage. Shit, first off, there no room in her place for my stuff.

Why do we stay together? Beats the fuck out of me, I dunno....

Maybe if I ditched her I'd wind up in "Disaster Part Troi", married to some harpy again, so at least this way I don't have to really refer to myself as "single" unless I want to.

it sucks sometimes being single, BJ, and believe me, as a never-been-married I understand that all too well, but you really are better off being single than stuck in an unhappy marriage with the wrong person. THAT is a real nightmare situation, as I'm sure you've already experienced.

I won't say, though, to not give up and that you never know what could happen, because I hate it when people say that to me whenever I'm in one of my bummed-out-about-being-single moods!

Hi all you beautiful DU people!

Yes! I love being married. My husband & I were married in July of 2004 in Montréal...here is a small excerpt from the article:

In the days before the wedding, there had been jitters, a few glitches (the flower girl took ill) and one major disappointment.

The groom's mother at the last minute, couldn't make it from her home in Montana to Montreal.

But on the way to the altar those things can happen and, in that regard, the mid-day wedding was like many others that unfolded in the city yesterday - until, that is, the declaration.

At that moment, Neil Whitehouse, a minister at Rosedale-Queen Mary United Church, cleared his throat and pronounced the couple before him "husband and husband."...

I sincerely hope that the love that my husband I have for each other (16 years) will not be the deciding factor of what progressive people will vote on, but it looks likely so after *Bush made it an issue.

Well, then in his own words "Bring it on". We must do everything possible to see that we WIN the Whitehouse. ANYBODY BUT *BUSH!!!

us all about it!

"My husband & I were married in July of 2004 in Montréal"

Just teasing ya! :)

Being married would be fine with someone I cared for and who cared for me. But I've never found that. I listened to someone scream at and harass me for 10 years.

I do enjoy my quiet now, most of the time. And I'm grateful for my peace of mind.

But sometimes I realize it would be nice to have someone to talk to, curl up on the couch and watch a movie with. Hugs, sex, of course.

Right now, I guess I'm about as alone as a person can get. I live in a quasi-rural area, no housemates. I'm unemployed and prospects are not looking good. The phone rarely rings, no matter how many applications or resumes I submit. In fact, I just got turned down today for volunteering at the local PBS station during their fund drive. :wtf: How do you get turned down for volunteering? Yeah, right about now it would be great to have a partner. Being alone sucks at this point.

So, I don't know. Both can be equally sucky and equally wonderful.

I always miss him if he is gone on a business trip or something. When he comes back, I always think how great it is to have a husband. I am an introverted type so I prefer having a partner to be with rather than going out and meeting different people and trying to hook up. He is always there for me in most ways. We met in college and have dated each other since we were 19 and married at 22. I was just starting to become secure with myself as someone who men would actually find attractive and want to date. Sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like to live on my own and live the single life for a few years. I found myself in a close strong relationship though and we would have been very hurt if we had decided that we were too young and needed more experience. I am happy to be married to my husband. I don't know what you are talking about when you say being married leads to less sexual activity. We still have lots of sex, being married 3 years. Before I met my husband, I only had sex 10-15 times total.

It starts to drift off after 4 years. Early warning signs are a TV in the bedroom with cable, not a VCR for "movies"...

for some it is a matter of perspective, like the part in Annie Hall where Woody and Keaton complain to their therapists about lack of and too much sex - him, only 4 times per week, and her, sex all the time - 4 times per week. Of course that is Woody, is he typical? I know many men ( and probably a lot of women) would prefer sex everyday, or several times per day?! but I know that the amount can change over the course of time and still be pretty good. IMHO

And most guys aren't happy with just once a year.

Some women think that's even "too much".

No guy will ever admit to not being interested, I don't care what Mike Ditka says.

My stepsister and her husband have been together for nineteen years, married for ten, and they're still going at it good. Same for many other couples I know, including my mom and stepdad. They've been married for 35 years and are still going at it like rabbits at 62 and 60.

They drove me nuts when I was growing up, because they'd go at it half the night, very loudly too I might add, and keep me awake. When I was really little, it was ALL damn night, lol! My son and I live with them and I'm in the same room I was growing up, so I can still hear them real good. I'm 39, and they're getting a helluva lot more than I am, which has, frankly, pretty much always been the case, SIGH!!!!!!!! It's downright depressing at times to hear them!

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. But I sometimes miss being single. I miss going out with the girls, I miss dating and flirting and the spark of a new relationship.

God, I feel awful for saying that. I must sound really immature.

I've been married for almost two years and we are already in the comfy stage. We lived together for two years prior to getting married. It's nice, of course, and I wouldn't *not* want to be with him, but there's things I miss about being single, too. :)

because it is less complicated although married women never expect a committment.

or did I misunderstand the question?

I enjoyed most of the married stuff. But, and I miss him terribly, I don't miss the fighting over his personal demons, nor do I miss fighting over money. But I miss the couple stuff - the going to concerts, and hockey games, and the beach, and walks, and Sunday breakfasts out somewhere, and Sunday afternoons.

Now I'm alone, and I like it - but I wouldn't mind a man in my life on a casual, non committal kind of way. I think?????:think:

whether married or single is better. I've been married a few short years now. He's a keeper, but he travels a lot and I usually stay put (by choice).
I guess it depends on one's emotional self-sufficiency. He's a lot of fun for an old codger, but when he's not around, I'm still fairly contented. Ok, very contented.
It's not the husbands that make such a difference in my life---it's the kids. Married with kids is a whole lot different than married without them.

My marriage to my husband means everything to me. He is always there for anything that I need, and vice-versa. I don't think I would like being single. I don't think I would like being married to anyone but Jim either!

I like it.

Damn I am glad I'm married to Mrs bearfan. I love her a lot.

...is that your desireability quotient among other women goes up by about 15%. Double-edged sword, of course.

But I'll take what I can get, bein' kinda funny-lookin'. :silly:

But I'm glad I waited until I was in my 30s to get married, and I'm glad we lived together first.

Today is my husband's birthday actually. I can't wait to get home from work and spoil the pants off him!

:evilgrin:

still feel like I won the lottery, and I never thought I would get married-

I was already happy as a single person; did not think I could get happier, and boy, was I wrong.

I think I am dating "The One." We started dating when we both lived in the same town, but now she had to leave our university for a different one...which is only 3.5 hours away, so we can still see each other on weekends...but I think that if we were still in the same town, we would both know by now if we really did find The One.

Fortunately, this summer she got a job at my university, so we will be able to live together for the summer, Wooohoo! And hopefully, the answer will appear! Which would be great, because I hope to graduate this summer, and I can't be sure I will find a job near her....long distance really does suck sometimes.

Ok, money too. I sound partial republican.

How pleasant to have a guy in your life that had his own place to live and we could go out to the movies or for dinner then go to my place or his place, have sex and then separate and sleep in our own homes. Could that ever work? Sounds excellent to me.

...it IS pretty nice. The only thing is sometimes I wish we were making joint decisions about "our" living space - i.e., should we spend money to remodel, etc.

There is something to be said for sharing the hard stuff, as well as the easy stuff, I think.

This whole planet can turn into a giant pus-filled sore for all I care anymore. :-( And at least I care. Too many people don't, which is why diseases, especially the deadly ones, are running rampant.

</soapbox>

I will never be anything else. No way do I want somebody around all the time. I am basically a loner and don't feel I need anyone for anything. The last time I was with a guy who (it turned out) was lying about everying (he said he was divorced but was not, among other things). Basically a lying sack of you know what. That was three years ago and I have not been with anyone since and don't miss it at all. As far as I am concerned I don't want another relationship ever. Just fooling around, no strings. And even that I don't care much about.