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Edited on Mon Aug-13-07 02:16 AM by last_texas_dem
Not too long ago, I worked temporarily as a standardized test grader. My job was to give "holistic" scores to thousands of essays written by high school juniors. Despite the fact that I have a general dislike for those sorts of tests, I was able to get past this and ended up really enjoying my job. The main reason for this was because of how much I loved reading the kids' responses.
Whether clever, profound, or downright goofy (which was the case quite often!) the kids' essays included more than a few memorable turns of phrase. Whenever I would read one that I thought particularly interesting, funny, bizarre, etc., I would jot it down on a Post-It note, eventually accumulating quite a few. I just dug them up the other day, and thought DU might enjoy reading them as well.
These sentences come from papers written in response to a few different prompts, so they cover a variety of subjects, and I'm just going to post them, the sad, the bizarre, the profound, the clever, etc. in random order. I've added comments in italics for the purpose of explanation, general commentary, and sometimes to (attempt to) be funny.
The Republicans might recruit you to run for office, too...
If I were to stop thinking, my life would be much easier.
We have been stuck together like p-nut butter to the roof of a dog's mouth since 1st grade.
Now I'll say this without a moment hesitance; my cousins border on imbecilic.
It's good to express yourself in a fashion that is calm and collective.
A nice descriptive phrase, I thought.
And the grass was dry, like a trampled bag of corn chips.
Their hearts fictively beat.
We collected $1067.52 over a two-month radius.
The whole game would be back in Renaissance days. We would hang out with Picasso and DaVinci.
Even for those poor schmucks, you say?
My girlfriend is gorgeous, smart, and very caring, even for the less fortunate.
Alright, you've convinced me... I think...
60-percent of the time you will feel better every time.
I'm not sure if this one is original, but I thought it was pretty good.
Above all, time is the one thing everybody will run out of.
"How am I supposed to learn if I keep looking at the girl with favored genetic traits right next to me?"
And God knows that hurts like hell...
If never attempted to solve {the conflict} you will carry that burden till death due you apart.
My mom says that you have to be generous because God said do others as you want to be done.
I gave this one points for honesty. haha (In response to a prompt about "respect bringing people together.)
Has respect ever brought you together with people? Well, me neither; that's why I'm making this story up.
This kids knows the value of charitable giving.
Look at it this way, you are wasting your money, but at the same time you are saving thousands of childrens' lives.
Caxton isn't the fighting type because he's built academically.
I'm the leader of a group that is made up with 2 guys that cannot take destructive criticism.
Well, at least he's figured it out at a young age...!
When you give someone your heart and love, you also give them the power to destroy you.
My favorite method for solving a conflict is to lie, and I have used it on several occasions.
Resolving conflicts is more than just knowing how to say what to whom and when; that's best left to professional sycophants.
Some of the fish were meaner, though.
I was the meanest person south of the Mississippi.
I don't remember the specifics of this paper, but it was pretty wild, and I remember thinking this statement was quite fitting.
If our relationship was a movie, then it would only be played on the Lifetime Movie Channel.
This sentence may have depressed me more than anything else I read!
Everyone knows the freshman year in high school is vital because it sets up the reputation that will follow you throughout your life.
The moral of this story is that you should always take advantage of being the oldest and take what you want from your siblings.
If I would of known that Karma, and the Golden Rule were so important, I would of bein more generous to that worthless, stupid, useless, space taking friend of mine.
You minus well get used to the obsecules.
Somebody's parents watch FOX...
On September 9, 2001, Baghdad terrorists attacked our country. Americans made a new alli in Iraq by defending their freedom.
Depressing thoughts tumble through my mind like undergarments in the washing machine.
Dear Life,
I feel that you have been unfair to me. How would you like to suffer continuously for some 100 years?
For what it's worth, this was not a futuristic narrative about global warming ravaging the planet.
It all started one summer when the temperatures were in the high hundreds.
I swear this kid must have read my journal from my freshman year of high school.
However, it has come to my attention that I really only have one shot at this life and I'm not even studying the target. I'm preoccupied with the fact that I don't know how to hold a gun.
We always were in disaccording, bothering one to another, and that was the cause of our conflictive relationship.
And I thought you just being a whiner until you mentioned the hip-hop!
I lived in Arlington, a huge scary city complete with racism, guns, drugs, sexism, and hip-hop.
I even made first chair on my first try, mostly because I was the only one who played sax, but anyway...
"I love you more than air," Daddy would whisper into Momma's ear, but soon air became more important to him.
Our strategy was similar to George Washington's during the Civil War; sneak up and catch them with their pants down.
Hmmm... at least now I don't have to worry about undertaking that lifelong quest in search of the meaning of life!
Being a young adult and having problems is what life is all about.
A little violent, but understandable... (This one was addressing a prompt asking for a time the student had resolved a conflict.)
Everyone is faced with all kinds of conflicts every day, but right now I am facing an internal conflict as to whether or not I punch whoever comes up with these essay prompts in the face.
WWJD? Give up and go home!
To say that I have solved a conflict is impossible. If Jesus couldn't do it, how could I?
This was a sad one about a student (a future DUer, perhaps?) whose mom was called to Iraq.
She had said possibly just a year, but knowing President Bush, who knows?
This one I found kind of funny, just because the kid was talking about his parents!
Then they both gave each other a hug, and made out.
About a Texas fast food restaurant called Whataburger
Most people like going there because the food is good. Or because it's the only place open.
My heart stopped like a car getting ready to run a red light.
She's mean, she stuffs, and she has a nose job.
I liked this description.
We cried so hard we would have filled a small pickle jar with tears.
When you devote so much of yourself to just one person, a kind of attachment forms, like mold on a damp, decaying surface.
This sentence was so weird I found it kind of funny.
I said, "Whatever, my butt, start fighting again, and you see, it's going to be on like popcorn."
The look on both of my parents' faces was like they had just seen Richard Simmons naked.
My heart rate was climbing and my pulse was rabid.
The day arrived slower than syrup slithering across pancakes.
Coming from a family of teachers, I know what this kid is talking about!
I felt as agitated as a teacher having to go to a workshop after class.
"I'm sorry, Danny, but I feel that you're beginning to like that hoochie. If you still love me, don't conversate with her."
Are you becoming distraught with curiosity yet? I know I would be.
And the only thing I wanted in this world was to have a perfect family like in "The Simpsons."
I made friends with this group of artistic guys. You may recognize some of their work when driving under bridges on the highway.
I was wondering if he meant this in the Biblical sense...
I went out with her in middle school, but haven't known her since.
I urge you, the next time you see a conflict on the horizon, avoid it at all costs. Trust me, the juice is not worth the squeeze.
You can always solve conflicts; it can be the easy way or the hard way. I like the hard way.
The cat-lover in me makes me not want to include this one, but it's so bizarre it did make me laugh the first time I read it.
They were throwing everything at us: eggs, candy, tennis balls, and even cats.
My friends consist of convicts, killers, and downright crazy people.
This one is referencing the author not being sure about whether to pick a certain kid for his side on a neighborhood sports team.
David was a little guy compared to everyone else... but his mom was hot so it didn't matter to me. I picked him.
If you're gonna talk like a FReeper, you may as well start young.
Even today, without any Consitutional authority, government forces citizens to relinquish hard-earned wages every April.
Ms. Kane looked at me amazed, like I was a small tree filled with monkeys.
"For to be successful is to have a strong attitude and do not hit anybody."
I have Prince Albert in a can.
"Someone is in my phone," my mom said.
And people think *I'm* a loony liberal!
I care so much about the world that if I had one changed to make in the world I would desapear all the people but my family, because all the people are contributing to world air pollution.
Addressing a prompt about what makes a person interesting.
If you boring, don't like doing anything, and just like laying around all day, then that person is wack, 'cause that's not interesting.
Story of my life...
And I hope to never resolve anymore problems, because it's hard to make decisions.
I like this word and think it should be added to the English language.
"magnity"
The vein in my foreheard stuck out like a pulsating mountain range.
Technically, there's nothing incorrect about this one, but I just find the wording amusing.
I became acquainted with a beautiful girl of divine pulchritude.
IDK... my BFF, Jill?
I had been grounded for a $457 cell phone bill because I had sent three thousand text messages.
The world is changing, with more advance things like bombs, ipods, MP3s, and even cell phones.
Sometimes I think the scroll at the bottom of CNN should just say, "Things are getting worse."
"You move one inch closer to me and I'm grabbing Dr. Jones!"
Why else would psychiatrists, guns, and other weapons be needed for?
I lacked the talents to think outside the box. I never knew I was in one.
"terriorism and war"
I felt like Nas when Jay-Z tried to steal his baby mama away.
When you say "world" that means every single person, every thing, every building everywhere, and storms.
Have you seen the movie by Al Gorge?
It is important to be aware of the world around you because you have to know who's dying or who is being the next governor.
Responding to the prompt asking about what makes a person interesting.
A person could be interesting if they grew up in Montana, or have no toenails.
Some people say you know your true love when you look in their eyes and that's the biggest load of bullcrap ever said.
This is the end of my story, please wipe your feet as you leave.
I hope y'all enjoyed reading those!
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