The worst Egyptian joke you will ever read

Osiris, god of fertility and life, asked Anubis, god of the dead, to pack a picnic lunch for him.

When Anubis entered the throne room, Osiris asked him, "Have you prepared my meals?"

"I have, beloved immortal. You are set."

"No, I'm Osiris."

I had to read that one over a few times, but I finally got it.

:rofl:

:hi:

I can't believe I got that the first time through. I'm such a nerd.

:woohoo:

I actually have the ancient Egyptian game of Senet in my game library, and I prefer to play it using the four curved sticks than with a die. Who wants to go soul-travelling with derby?

:hi:

it's really pretty fun, but very frustrating.

Nerdishness is in the eye of the beholder. You, my dear, are not a nerd....or I'd have to admit I'm one. :cry:

I need to get better at that game. The strategy is so much more subtle than the strategy of things like chess and checkers.

Then I'll be able to compare them.

Before ascending to the first throne of the Fourth Dynasty, Sneferu was chatting one day with his father Huni and mentioned his plan by which all of Egypt could become fabulously wealthy.

"The Children of the Nile will build for me the mightiest structure ever seen," said Sneferu. "And everyone who contributes will be rewarded many times over."

"I don't know," said Huni, the aging ruler of the Third Dynasty. "I don't think these pyramid schemes ever work."

Awakening in the land of the dead, the mummified body of Psusennes stretched forth his dessicated limbs and rose. He opened his eyes and beheld his faithful Sem, already awake and prostrate on the cold stone, patiently awaiting the Pharaoh's least request.

"Hail to you," intoned the humble servant. "Hail to you, O Breath of Life, Giver of Plenty, Most Just, Most Merciful Lord. Hail to you, Bringer of the Dawn, Vanquisher of Enemies, and Protector of All. Hail to you, Once-Dead God, The Most Great, The Wise. How may I serve you, Lord? Pray let me bring you food and drink, for you must hunger after your long journey."

"No, thanks," said the mummy. "I'm stuffed."

Robert Gates was giving the President his daily briefing, including the sad news that four volunteer aid workers from Cairo had been slain.

"The Egyptians were just out for a walk," said the Secretary, "when they were mercilessly gunned down."

"Big deal," said the President coldly. "I never liked The Bangles anyway."


Okay, maybe two Egyptian jokes is all I'm good for, if that...

The huge pyramid was nearing completion when the master architect realized that they wouldn't have enough stone to finish it. Horrified at his lack of foresight, he conveyed the news to the Pharaoh.

"The answer is simple," the God-King declared. "Kill one hundred of my slaves, grind their bodies to powder, and mix their remains with the sacred oils. Apply this preparation to the crest of my pyramid, and when it dries under the burning Gaze of Ra, no one will be able to tell it from the true stone."

"Forgive me, sire," the architect said gently. "But I don't know that the slaves will appreciate this treatment."

"What?" boomed the wise and mighty Pharaoh. "Why should they object to serving my will?"

The architect swallowed before speaking. "Well, no one likes being taken for granite."

don't know where I got the inspiration or how I wrote the words...

:evilgrin:

. . . the Brazilian Nut?

What do you call Egyptian Noodles?

Ra Amun.

:rofl:

Audience is probably a little small, but I love groaners like that.

When his wife said she'd wipe him out, the Sun God Ra said:

'What are you? Some kind of Nut?"

مرة واحد مخنوق من الدنيا كلها رن جرس الباب الساعة 10 صباحا فتح
الباب لقى وحدة مذيعة بتقله ممكن نعرف بتعمل ايه لما تقوم من النوم
قال انا بقوم من ام النوم
اروح ام الحمام
افتح ام الحنفية
اغسل ام وشى
اروح ام الغرفة
اقلع ام الترنج
البس ام البنطلون
انزل من ام الشقة
اركب ام الاتوبيس
انزل من ام الاتوبيس
اروح ام الشغل
وبعد ما اخلص ام الشغل
ارجع ام البيت وخلاص
فقالت المزيعة شكرا يا فندم ويلعن ام البرنامج اللى خلانا نشوف
ام وشك

:rofl:

Get it?

}(

:spank:

:rofl:

For that you get bonked on the head.

and I came up with for our intramural softball team from the Oriental Institute at the University of Chicago. The team started out being called the Herihors, after a high priest of Amon, but got changed to the Falcons after the school newpaper printed a shall we say "phonetic" spelling of the name (aka hirsite female providers of sexual gratification for pay). Anyway the cheer went like this:

Khufu, Khafre, Menkaure
We're with our team
All the way
Re, Re, Re

Always love a good Egyptian joke.

LOL! :rofl:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tutcky fried chicken.

I'm in actual physical pain after reading that one.

:rofl:

Dear Lord.. that's fucking bad lol.

BOOOOOO!

A man was out mowing the lawn when he noticed his neighbour, a blonde, coming out of the house in about ten minute intervals, checking the mail box and looking puzzled as to why there was no mail in there. The man asked his neighbour what's up with checking the mail box; was a special delivery expected? The blonde answered, "I'm not expecting anything but my computer keeps telling me I've got mail."

↓↓↓↓↓


















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Her boyfriend was blonde too!!!!



:hide:

Sneaking back from the necropolis late one night, the master embalmer stumbled upon one of the palace guards, who demanded to know what he was doing so late at night.

"Against our departed pharaoh's express wishes, I cut open his corpse," the embalmer admitted. "I removed his organs, dessicated the body, packed it with herbs, and then wrapped it in many yards of linen. Please," he begged, "you mustn't reveal that I've done this."

"I won't tell a soul," the guard said approvingly. "Mummy's the word."

Steady, boy, steady. It was bad, but YOU CAN TAKE IT!!!!


:P :-)

Maybe I'm dumb, or maybe it's just late, but I don't get it. :shrug:

Could someone please explain?