It's Saturday Night! Want a Nice Long Screw?

Boss: SPK, what the hell's wrong with your pants?

SPK: Um, nothing, I think. Did I spill something on them?

Looks down at his slacks in massive bewilderment

Boss: SPK, why is your periscope up?

SPK: (looking highly offended) Why are you noticing my 'periscope'? This sounds like sexual harassment to me!

Boss: Because I caught you with your 'pericope' pressed up against the copier last Friday, remember?

SPK: (feigns innocence) I have no idea what you're talking about. I will not stand for these baseless and mean-spiritued attacks on my character! This is defamement! This is libel! This is---

Boss points wordlessly to 18 different photocopies displayed throughout the office

SPK: Oh, those photocopies. (pauses) Well, what can I say? Swedish Enlarger Pumps do, in fact, work, and I wanted to share the news.

Boss: In my office, now!

SPK: Trust me, sir, that won't take care of my periscope. I've tried beating it into submission all weekend!

Boss grabs SPK by the scruff of this neck and marches him off-screen

SPK: Hey! You can't do this to me! Attica! Attica! Attica!

Voices fade as Boss and SPK go into Boss' office. Sound of door slamming. Fade to black.

From "Episode 4: Reconsillyation"

<snip>

Cut to shot of the Denterprise entering orbit around Theta-Eta-Beta-8, an earth like planet.
Flashing in the upper atmosphere is the neon message "Your Ad Here, Seamy Advertising, 1-
800-241-1701".

JERK:
{voice-over}
Captain's Log, stardate 2169.3867. We have entered a high orbit around Grata-Data-Waiterwhatever
the heck it is, and are preparing a landing party.

Cut to bridge. The entire bridge compliment is present including Lavoy, a red shirt, and Janice
Rammed who is handing Jim a data pad.

JERK:
{takes pad, thumbprints it, and hands it back to her}
Thank you Yeoman.
{to Spaz}
Who would you recommend for a party Spaz?

LAVOY:
I got one going at Lisa's tonight if anybody's looking for a good time. We're gonna have a
band, drugs, drinks--

JERK:
Uh, Stones?

LAVOY:
chicks mud wrestling, sword swallowing--

JERK:
Stones.

LAVOY:
hot oil orgies--

JERK:
Stones, that's not what I meant.

LAVOY:
Oh. Forget it then.

JERK:
So Spaz, who would you recommend?

SPAZ:
Well this would be a first contact mission... so you and I should be there.

JERK:
Mm-hmm.

SPAZ:
Bring along our esteemed but unforgiving communications officer Tumora to record the
event as it unfolds.

TUMORA:
Hmph.

SPAZ:
We should bring along an expendable red shirt character in case the plot calls for someone to
die.
{to the red shirt at the door}
You there crewman, what's your name?

SEEMEE:
Nowyu Seemee, Sir, security guard second class.

SPAZ:
Perfect. Oh and we need Lavoy.

LAVOY:
Me? What for?

SPAZ:
To say "He's dead Jim" when Seemee buys it.

LAVOY:
Fuck that! I got a party to plan. He's dead Jim. There I said it in advance.
{he goes to leave}

SPAZ:
Mr. Seemee, please detain the doctor.

SEEMEE:
Yes sir.
{he grabs Lavoy and clubs him}

LAVOY:
Ow! Why you little pissant, I oughta kill ya myself!

SPAZ:
Mr. Seemee, just hold him, don't kill him, please?

SEEMEE:
Yes sir.

<more>