Weapons of Math Instruction

(I thought this was so cute I had to share it.)

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a private school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer, Isosceles, used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. While I am uncertain of the following, it is clear that, as they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."

That is so cute, yet scary given these creationalist's times.

Thanks for reposting. :-)

it's a shame that some people wouldn't even get it.

..."more fingers and toes..." heh heh

I shared it with some of my students and the math nerds loved it.

Thank you.