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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:32 PM
Original message
First Assignment for my Creative Writing Class...
The Kiss On the Beach


She opened her eyes

And saw him there leaning over her

Blue eyes smiling

Lips opening, beckoning

His kiss caught her virginal mouth


She felt smothered as she tried to escape

But she was stuck

By the sun and the sand and the noisy children everywhere...


Then he let go and it was done...

She gasped


All those endless years she’d waited

And now it was too much, too intimate...


Wait!

He leaned back down over her...

For another kiss...

Ah...

That was more like it

Now she felt his lust

It answered inside her...

And she smiled


Kisses on the beach...

From maidenhood ...

To womanhood....




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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:34 PM
Response to Original message
1. whoah!
:woohoo:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:37 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. My dear mac56!
Well!

Thanks, sweetie!

I hope the teacher reacts similarly....

:hi:
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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:34 PM
Response to Original message
2. I remember my first kiss very well
There's nothing in the world like that feeling.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:38 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. My dear Droopy!
There sure isn't!

This poem is my poetic attempt at my first kiss.....

I didn't like it at all!

Until somewhat later, anyway...:blush:

Thanks for coming by...
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Bjornsdotter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:39 PM
Response to Original message
5. Wonderful!
...you've described the experience so well. :hug: That is exactly what it is like...or at least it was a long time ago for me.

:applause:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:44 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. My dear Bjornsdotter...
Oh, thank you!

I'm glad you identified with this ...

That's how it was for me too...many many years ago...too many years now...

But I remember it as though it were yesterday...

*sigh*

:hug:
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liberaltrucker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:47 PM
Response to Original message
7. I'm not exacly a creative writing critic, but..........
:cry: :cry: :cry:

:toast:

:loveya:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:49 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. My dear liberaltrucker!
Why are you crying, sweetie?

Does it take you back to your first kiss too?

But I think you like my little poem!

Thanks!

:loveya:

:hug:
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liberaltrucker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:56 PM
Response to Reply #8
11. Yep, it did!
Thanks!

:loveya:
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billyoc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:54 PM
Response to Original message
9. Wow, that's really something, CP.
I feel like a teenager again. :hi:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:56 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. My dear billoc...
Thank you...

I'm glad my little work was able to take you back to those days...

:hug:
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GRLMGC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 10:57 PM
Response to Original message
12. That's awesome!
It's always so fun to represent your memories through art.

I recreated my first kiss by filming sock puppets. Your experience lends itself to lovely poetry while mine lends itself to sock puppetry.

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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 11:00 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. My dear GRLMGC!
Wow, thank you so much...

My art seems to be poetic these days...

I'm so pleased that you like my little work...

:hi:
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WCGreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 11:03 PM
Response to Original message
14. I wish my first kiss was like that...
I kissed Karen Kent while we were watching Bambi in an old Movie House in Cleveland...

I was about five or six...

I started early and have never looked back...

Good Poem, Peg...
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 11:06 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. Ah, thank you, Chris...
I wish your first kiss had been better too...

But things have improved a lot for you, now haven't they?

Glad you like my little work...

:hug:
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Lionel Mandrake Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 11:55 PM
Response to Original message
16. I've got your grade right here.
A+

(of course).
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-01-07 11:57 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. My dear Lionel Mandrake!
Oh, I can only hope my teacher agrees with you!

Thank you, sweetie...:hug: Of course...
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
18. Brava Peggy!
I'll never forget my first kiss. I was 9 years old, and visiting my grandparents. This boy across the street told me he had a secret to tell me, and got me to go into Granddad's garage so he could "tell" me. I was horrified, and pushed him into the garage door. My grandfather came in, and the kid ran out like nobody's business. The other girls in the neighborhood, when I told them of the incident, said, "Oh I love Rodney's kisses!" :puke::puke::puke:
:rofl:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 12:13 AM
Response to Reply #18
19. My dear GoddessOfGuinness!
Oh, what a great story!

You were nine...I guess I was really a late-bloomer! I was 18, nearly 19!

And how old was Rodney?

Glad you like my little poem, sweetie!

:pals:
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 01:49 AM
Response to Reply #19
26. He was about my age...maybe a year younger...
As far as I was concerned at the time, boys pretty much had cooties.
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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 12:22 AM
Response to Original message
20. Well, it got me all excited
well done my friend!

Now, where did the idea for it come from :)
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 12:32 AM
Response to Reply #20
21. My dear Straight Story!
It got you all excited, huh?

Well....I'm glad!

And the idea for it?

From my own first kiss on the beach, many, many years ago, sweetie...*sigh*

I was 18, almost 19....he was the boyfriend of my girlfriend...

And she had suggested I look him up when I visited my grandmother in SoCal...

He was a Greek God! I wish I had a pic of him...

This poem pretty much says it as it happened, except it took him three kisses to warm me up...


Glad you liked it, sweetie...Glad you're still here to enjoy it...:hug:
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libnnc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 01:08 AM
Response to Original message
22. Well done Peggy!
That is wonderful :bounce:

I love this part, "By the sun and the sand and the noisy children everywhere..."

very nice! :thumbsup:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 01:12 AM
Response to Reply #22
23. My dear libnnc!
Oh, thank you, sweetie!

I'm so jazzed that you like my poem...

Yeah, I like that line too.......I have no idea where it came from, either!

Hope my teacher agrees with you!

:bounce: :bounce:
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RushIsRot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 01:38 AM
Response to Original message
24. There were no beaches in Louisiana where I got MY first kiss. but
I was certain we would have to marry! Teen years bring back great memories for an old goat of 65! Lovely picture you painted with your words.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 01:41 AM
Response to Reply #24
25. My dear RushIsRot!
Ah sweetie...you're not old! Not in my book, anyhow...I'll be 64 in November...

Thank you for your great compliments...

I really appreciate them!

:hug:
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Dr. Strange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 02:02 PM
Response to Original message
27. With all due respect CaliforniaPeggy
That was a beautiful piece of writing...
but I still think you should have taken Calculus.

My calc students NEVER put stuff like this in their homework: "His kiss caught her virginal mouth"
Grading is so boring...
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 03:00 PM
Response to Reply #27
28. My dear DuStrange!
Ah, you made me laugh!

Calculus? Me? :scared:

Don't you envy my teacher?

I'm glad you think my poem is beautiful, sweetie...

Thank you!

:hug:
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 03:06 PM
Response to Original message
29. a perfect snapshot, peggy
Edited on Sun Sep-02-07 03:06 PM by kagehime
i know you'll get a wonderful grade :)
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #29
30. My dear kagehime!
Thanks, sweetie!

I'm just retelling my own story, in a poem...

I hope the class and the teacher feel similarly about it!

I didn't think I could write on demand, but it appears that maybe I can...

:hug:
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
31. Whew! Let me go open the windows first...
there, that cooled it down a little...

I don't think I've ever been charged up by an older lady. :7

I like best when you use present-tense verbs (can't think of the technical term now - the ones with "=ing" at the end), and not past tense.

These three lines, for example:

And saw him there leaning over her

Blue eyes smiling

Lips opening, beckoning


It's very active, very present, very now, very immediate. Wonderful!

Imagine the poem with all verbs that way - opening, catches, feels, answering, smothering, escaping, smiles, and so on.

But, as I said - steamy! You have a poet within, grand madam!
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 03:50 PM
Response to Reply #31
32. My dear Rabrrrrrr...
I am completely blown away by your praise...

Thank you so much!

I hardly know how to respond...

I hope to learn how to reveal my inner poet even more effectively as I take my class...

So you've never been charged up by an older lady?

I am indeed older....in years...

But my mind will always be young...

Blessings on you...

:hug:
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Callalily Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 03:59 PM
Response to Original message
33. Oh my Peggy!
I am swooning! Talk about imagery. I think you've got that part down pat.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #33
34. My dear Simply Fugue!
Sweetie!

Swoon away...

I'm so honored that you like my work!

The imagery comes from my memories of my first kiss, so many years ago...

Love that smilie!

Thank you soooooooo much...:hug:
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Cabcere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 05:32 PM
Response to Original message
35. That's beautiful, CalPeg!
:hi: :loveya: You do have quite a way with words. :thumbsup: That brought back some good memories for me...my first kiss wasn't on the beach, but some of my best ones were. :bounce: Thank you for sharing your talent with us!
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-02-07 06:40 PM
Response to Reply #35
36. My dear Cabcere!
Well, I'm pleased your memories got a pleasant revival!

I hope to share my ability with you many times over this semester...

Thank you so much, sweetie!

:hug:

:loveya:
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