Post A Corny Joke That Makes You Laugh

Just to lighten the mood. This has always been my favorite in the genre:

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, but we don't serve string here." So the string walks back outside, ties himself in a loop, and rubs himself up against the wall of the bar. Then he walks back in again and orders a beer. Bartender says, "Hey wait a minute. Aren't you that string I just threw out of here?" And the string replies, "Nope. I'm a frayed knot!"

about the farmer who carved the 10 commandments:


I actually laughed out loud...

"i got a nickname for my penis. i call it "secret." because it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."

...and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

:rofl: Goddamn I love that one...

and the first one says, "Oh no! I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
"Yes! I'm positive."

"Weeeeee!!!!"

Einstein would love it.

One nun says to the other, "Where's the soap?" The other replies with a smile, "Yes, it does, doesn't it?"

:shrug:

..."where" and "wear."

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

:evilgrin:

No more telling that joke!

And the sneakier it gets posted, the more I laugh.

asks the bartender, "Do you serve food here?"

The bartender says, "No, just drinks."

The sandwich leaves.

moth balls?



















How did you hold their tiny legs apart?
:hide:

so he wouldn't fall in the hot cocoa

Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:

dam!

:rofl:

...the third guy ducks.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

ground beef.

Lean beef.

haven't heard that one (or if I did, I forgot - the joys of getting older. Everything old is new again!)

Decalfinated.

slightly off-color, but here goes.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroginoff

*edit* dang, looks like somebody already told that one below. Ah well. :)

one says "man I wish I could do that' and the other guy replied "I think I'd try petting him first."

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

and the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here".

You can't eat an elephant....

What's the difference between an elephant and peanut butter?

An elephant doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.

Then a second guy walks in...

One was assaulted.

He asks the bartender, "Hey, do you serve bread crumbs here?"

Bartender says, "No."

The duck walks out. The next day, the duck comes back in and asks the same question. Bartender says no, duck leaves.

The next day the duck comes in again. Same as before. Then the next day. Then the next day. By the end of the week, the bartender is starting to get annoyed.

The duck walks in for the eighth time and asks, "Do you serve bread crumbs here?"

The bartender says, "No, and if you keep coming in and asking that, I'm gonna nail your webbed little feet to the damn bar!"

The duck leaves.

The next day the duck comes in again. "Hey, do you have a hammer?"

The bartender, a bit confused, says, "No."

"Do you have some nails?"

"No."

"Do you serve bread crumbs here?"

I LOL'd at that!

"I'd like ...
....
...
...
...
...
a beer please."

The bartender says, "Why the long pause?"

because they keep slipping through the holes in his hands.

And I'm a little shocked! It is funny, but I think I'd have to be careful who I repeated it to!

"Make me one with everything".

Wherever you left him.

THEY HAVE HOLLOW WEENIES!!

gimme some love people!!

First muffin says, "Boy, it's hot in here!"

The other muffin says, "Holy Shit! A talking muffin!"

:rofl:

First time I heard it I fuckin' lost it!

In an old west town, a 3-legged dog walk into the town saloon and pulls up to the bar.
The bartender asks the dog, "Whatcha drinkin' stranger?"
The dog replies, "Gimme a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass."
After giving him his bottle and glass, the bartender asks the dog, "Whatcha
doing here in town stranger?"
The dog replies, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

needs a second person.

Knock-knock

Who's there?

Impatient cow

Impat....

MOOOOO!

thermometer?




The taste.

bunny farts.

A nervous wreck.

The harder you bang 'em, the looser they get.

Why did the monster cross the road?

To eat the chicken.

1. What do you call a waffle you eat on the beach?

San Diego (pronounce it slowly and you'll get it)

2. How do you introduce your dad to a hooker?

Pop-Tart

Tighten your wall-nuts! :rofl:

jokes.


(or "clowns" or "humor")


sorry. Trying to create the perfect minimalist platonic joke.

my other one:
How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?


(said very straight-faced) one.

"Didja hear about the baby seal that walked into a club...?"

"Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've ducked..."

cuz they're only held together with one screw

:hide:

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Owen.

Owen who?

Nortre Dame, Owen 5.

God looks around and sees a well-known television evangelist sitting at a table filled with empty glasses and he has a nude dancer on his lap. God became so angry that he shouts “ You all are going to hell and burn forever in a pit of fire!”

Allah sees a world-renowned mullah setting at the bar with his hand on the knee of a nude dancer and the bar before him is full of empty glasses. Allah becomes so angry that he shouts, “unfaithful one today you shall be stoned unto death for your wicked ways!”

Buddha looks at God and Allah and says “damn you guys are hard to party with!”

Why did the football coach walk into the bank???


To get his quarter back!

:silly:

They look over and see a pretty woman sitting on a stool at the counter. All of a sudden she starts choking on her sandwich. Bubba rushes over, lifts up her skirt, and licks her butt. The woman is so startled, she hacks up the sandwich.

To the applause of the crowd, Bubba returns to his friend and says: "Damn, you were raght! That hind lick manoover really works!!"

Courtesy of my friend from West Virginia!

Zeph

A STICK!!!

lol

Neither one can ride a bicycle.

Adam: Eve, yesterday I heard this great joke!

Eve: From whom Adam?

Beef stroken-off

Mets 4.

What kind of bee gives milk?


A Boobee

orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, buddy. We don't serve your kind here."

The mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."

send down four skin divers ( foreskin divers )

The bear says to the rabbit " Rabbit, when you take a dump does the shit stick to your fur"? The rabbit replies "Why yes, Bear...it does". "Good" says the bear, and grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him

..bartender says "Is this a joke"?


Irishman walks out of a bar...


How do blondes practice safe sex?...They lock the car door.

Dam!

says, "Barkeep! Gimme a beer and a mop!"

:hi:

"Doc," he says, "I can't figure it out. I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wigwam."

The doctor says, "Your problem is you're just too tents."

They quack up!

:rofl: My favorite when I was about 7. :rofl:

A. Ilene

Q. what do you call the same woman in China?

A. Irene

and has a couple beers, and finally confesses to the bartender that he doesn't have the money to pay. But he says, "Hey, look buddy. I'll tell you what. My dog here can talk. He'll entertain everybody and we'll call it square."

The bartender, a big mother with a scar running down his cheek, grunts and gives the guy a chance.

"OK Boy," the guy says, "What is the texture of sandpaper?"

"Rough!" the dog replies.

The bartender isn't amused. He starts reaching the the short club he keeps behind the bar. The guy starts sweating.

"Ok, Ok," he says. "That was just a warm up. All right boy, what do you call the top of a house?"

"Roof!" the dog barks.

The bartender, club in hand, jumps the bar and starts toward the guy and his dog.

"OK, boy, quick. Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth" woofs the dog.

A few minutes later, the roughed up guy and his roughed up dog are sitting on the curb outside the bar. The dog looks up at the guy and says, "What? DiMaggio?"

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He had a chicken on his dick.

"Honey, pack your bags!" he shouts to his wife. "I just won the state lottery!"
"Ohmigod!" she replies excitedly. "Should I pack for the mountains or the seashore or what?"
"I don't care, just get the hell out of here!"



That one's funny cuz it's true...

This one, too:


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sorry 'bout these multiples; I can do anything BUT remove them... ooops!

dammit! as you can see, I've been away awhile...

yikes!

aaarggghhh!

darn!

oops

Hop in!