I love a smoker. What should I do?

After a week with him I can feel it in my chest and throat. It's frightening. I run and swim, so I need my lungs, too.

It could be a dealbreaker, but I would hate for that to come between us. What do you advise I do?

Outside of course. Inside was non-fumeur.

why screw with him?

it makes people defensive and more likely to keep smoking.

i dont mean to say that you are nagging, but if you start telling him not to smoke, he will interpret as nagging.

from an exsmoker.

that's Miss Nag to you -- and you bettah smile when you say it!
i will read you like the new york times!

:hi: :loveya:

I'm with you there. I am very careful how I handle the smoking issue.

I've mentioned that it's worrisome how the smoking leaves him vulnerable to colds. But I don't nag. No way in hell. I am in no position to appreciate how difficult it is. Particulary in a culture where everyone is a walking chimney.

When he visits me he smokes outside and it works much better. In his home, of course, he feels much less compunction about lighting up.

It's only been a week and you can feel a difference in your body. Get out while you can still remember what your normal, healthy lungs feel like.

If you love him, then ask him to stop smoking so you can have him around to love longer.

Smoking kills.

a year? Perhaps he'd get all macho and say yes he can!

Asking him to curb it in your presence is probably the best way to go. Either he'll be able to, and you'll feel better, or he won't, and you'll know it's a real dealbreaker.

It's possible that he'll come to some thinking about it on his own and try to quit as part of an overall self-improvement thing that comes along with having new love in his life, but there's no way you can force that. Trying to change a partner doesn't work very often. (I agree with LionessPriyanka--nagging never helps. Take it from me; I've told my mom repeatedly that I'll light up an EXTRA cigarette for every time I hear it from her. She gave eventually; see, nagging really is an easier addiction to break than smoking.:D)

I've been thinking along those lines.

He's been lighting up for a while now, and a woman (even a fabulous one like ME :P ) is not a stong enough motive in itself to change.

I don't know, I think that may be a bigger problem than the smoking.

we were childhood sweethearts.

And certainly complicates things as well.

When I first met my SO, he smoked. I had quit several years before but I ended up starting again after dating him for several months. He felt so bad about it that he determined to quit, we quit together and neither of us has smoked or wanted to for 7 years now.

Kind of a drastic measure and a bad thing if it backfires. I don't know what to tell you - I find it hard to believe I could once tolerate smoker's breath, let alone have it myself. :scared:

That way he may be more likely to change his habit. On the other hand, being an enabler I might not be right.

A little birdie tells me so.

:hide:

:bounce:

my bad

or at least they did in 1950s cigarette ads.

....i gotta go burn one. responding to posts is incredibly suggestive.

If your spouse is going to kill you, you might as well be miserable too!