How much pressure do you put on yourself,

and with regard to what particular personal issues?

I feel like I'm a pretty laid-back parent, for the most part. I have high expectations for my kids in terms of their school "careers," but I certainly don't flip out if they slip up on something, occasionally.

With my own work, though, I am INSANE. I keep telling myself I need to be reasonable, not have excessive expectations of myself, and try to maintain a balance, given my personal, work, and school responsibilities. Just when I think I've convinced myself I have things in proper perspective, I catch myself getting certifiably UPSET about getting 95% on a paper; I have this weird *thing* about *needing* to score 96% or above on everything. I realize it is utterly ridiculous. I realize a 95 is great. I still can't reconcile my absurd need to do exceedingly well on all my schoolwork with a reasonable, sane idea of what "doing well" really is.

It's just a grade. It's just an assignment. Why am I so ANAL about all my work being perfect?


:banghead:

And what were the results when you didn't meet those expectations, as well as when you did?

In fourth grade, my report card in each of the first three quarters had four A's, two A-minuses and a B-plus. I don't recall any praise for the A's, as they were expected. But I do recall quite well hearing, "Better get that B up to an A."

In the fourth quarter, I did. Straight A's. Again, I don't recall any praise.

Yeah, I'm anal.

I was expected to at least stay on the honor roll; that was a minimum standard, and that was all I did.

I got a lot of "not working up to full potential"- type comments (on my report cards.)

My parents didn't really say much, but I think I got positive comments if I did particularly well.

Thanks for peein' on my theory. :P

I left school when I had NoelMN, then I left again when I had the younger two. I have significant feelings of failure where my educational pursuits are concerned, despite the fact that I'm back in school and expect to finish. My attitude is possibly a response to feeling that I need to "make up for" screwing up the course of things the first two times around. I think I *need* to do everything right, to "catch up," and to redeem myself, in a weird sense. I dunno. It's not like perfect grades are going to change anything or be that advantageous in the long run. Maybe I'm just a loop.

i have 8 years of post secondary education, but the only paper i have is an aa-liberal arts. so, i feel like an uneducated moron. too old to go back, too. credits are mostly "expired". if i went back to the art institute, i might be able to fight for them. but most programs wouldn't take them.

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my wife. Except she doesn't think it is ridiculous :shrug:

But I'm crazy, so you can't go by me. :P

I take one day at a time, do the best I can for that day but I don't beat myself up over things.
I just try to learn from mistakes and do better next time.

:thumbsup:

didnt help alleviate my pain at all.

:hi:

It's not much of a consolation, though, is it?

x(

some of up is from my upbringing, my fathers motto for my sister and i growing up was "Failure is not an option".

My son is spoiled, and so is flvegan. I finally got the rescue kitties off the bottle and onto food. I help to run my father's business and handle all the books and paperwork.

I'm hoping when I graduate I can stop looking on a shower and a full night's sleep as a luxury.

I don't dare make that commitment!

When are you expecting to graduate?

:cry:

And you'll have one HELL of an occasion to celebrate when you do!

:bounce:

if I'm not just about perfect I get very angry at myself. Everywhere else, I've been such an underachieving fuckup that I'm more or less used to it.

but in college and grad school (where you can't really get a C), I learned to relax more, and realized that grades were not the whole of me.

I try to realize this about my child's grades.


I am more relaxed about work stuff now, since I used to obsess over the quality of that, as well.


Bottom line, do the best you can, and feel good about it. Don't torture yourself.

Somewhere in my early childhood I learned the same message. In my family, although there was not overt pressure there was subtle pressure to excel, and in high school I realized my only hope of earning respect was to excel. I also had the peculiar habit of writing (or wanting to write) scripts and novels at a very young age. Since this earned me praise, I continued to do it: It became my identity.

So after I graduated from film school (Phi Beta Kappa, scholarships, award recipients), my entire life revolved around writing, and doing it perfectly. From five in the morning until eight at night. Day after day. I ruined my marriage this way.

Maybe this is a process a lot of people go through, but for a lot of us there comes some event in our lives where we begin to take a second look at how we live, and what our priorities are. That day did come for me, about ten years ago. For the past two years, I have not written a creative word, and I don't feel bad about that. But I also know the time will come when it is time to write again.

Some things to try to integrate into our lives, perhaps, are:

Flexibility.
Openness to the capriciousness of the moment and the mysteries of our lives.
Tolerance for our idiosyncracies.

Remembering that any day we might die also has a way of focusing our priorities.

Great, thoughtful post. Thanks.