How Do You Know if a Woman is Taking a Serious Relationship...Seriously?

This is sort of a branch off from the first topic and is more open to discussion and not simply based on my affairs...lol. This is not about MY current relationship per se, and can involve anybody else who wants to participate. The other thread is turning too much into flame central for me (even though I will admit I came off a little wrong in my OP).

Alright, let's say you guys are talking long term. She hasn't been in a serious relationship is quiet a while and sees something in you where she could see herself spending a lot of time. It begins fine, but after a while she seems more distant and frankly uncaring (and I'm talking less than a month here). There are little nuances to alert you in on the fact that she might not be taking the relationship as seriously as you are...even though she's the one that said she wanted to be in a serious, long term relationship in the first place. After a while there seems like there's been some connection lost. What provokes that? Was she never as serious as she thought she was (or told you)? Is she not mature enough handle a serious dating relationship yet?

What have some of you guys reading this experienced in your lives that could enlighten this discussion?

Shit happens. Relationships go two ways: eventually they end or you're married 60 years. :shrug:

Just ask her what she wants. How're we supposed to know?

:thumbsup:

FFFAAAARRRRR too soon to be thinking about long-term. You hardly know each other.

We just didn't start talking until this semester.

has changed the dynamic, then let it go.

The connection is lost.

Leave her alone, d00d

it's time to back off. Listen to your self-defense mechanisms. It doesn't necessarily mean end the relationship; it just means start looking elsewhere.

If the two of you can't do that, for whatever reasons, then you're not in a serious relationship

The opposite sex looks for an honest blend of confidence, virility & sensitivity.

You need to be these things to yourself before you can hope that a woman will reciprocate.

If you fake any one of these elements, women will pick up on it -- sooner or later.

For your own sake - become honestly confident, verile & sensitive (in your own heart) -- and you'll win your own challenge, regardless of your desire to win a mate. As a bonus -- you will have increased the odds that the kind of woman you respect will be attracted to you.

so much of the "connection" cannot be forced. If you overthink it, you're doomed.

Good advice here!

And of course similar tastes. But actually those would not be my first choices.

Maybe she's too scared, maybe she is finding herself, maybe she doesn't know how to handle the situation. You talk to her. period. who knows she could be "the one".

You know young impressionable women can be greatly influenced by her trusted companions.:shrug:

her friends could be feeding her some crap.

she could also be frightened because the last person she felt feelings for, hurt her. now she is afraid to trust herself.

I know that was one of the things that ended my last relationship...my fear of telling him how I really felt. I had been burned so many times, I was just too afraid to trust my feelings. even though he really did care about me.

and of course I'm still so guarded that I have not dated anyone else since this guy. and it's been two years.

So, it could be that she is pulling away because she is perhaps feeling something and is afraid.

*not to mention what her girlfriends could be saying.

I would talk to her and see what's up. what do you have to lose? at least then you would know the truth.

Its been a long time since I was in the dating scene(HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 29 YEARS!!). But I do remember being shot down because of her friend not liking me. I was also involved in a relationship with a woman comming off a bad break-up, neither worked. But, luckily, I never gave up. I am about to become a grandfather for the first time!! Sometimes you have to leave your gaurd down, BUT PLEASE DON'T BE CARELESS, there are a lot of crazies out there.:hi:

She's had problems expressing her deep feelings from the beginning.

by all means, she needs to be cut off from her friends.

He should take her cell phone and monitor her 24/7. Hire somebody to help if he can't do it full-time.

Steal a key to her apartment and listen to answering machine messages. If she's ever seen talking to another person take away her car and her shoes.

:eyes:


seriously - she deserves better. Break up with her.

I've never been in a serious romantic relationship with a woman, but I can definitely say that 'serious relationship' does not mean the same thing to everyone. Plus, even if she did say that she wanted a long term relationship, it does not mean that she owes you anything. She has every right to avoid you and to break up with you.

If a person is unable to trust and respect their partner, they are not meant to be. I propose that you clarify what you think a relationship should be and that you respect her views. If her views are not the same as yours, you should break it off, rather than stalk her or proselytize.

better to ask the lounge and open oneself up to further flames I think :silly:


:hi:

:P

:P

:hi: Heidi

how's life in the neutral country?

:hug:

is becoming less neutral all the time, to tell you the truth. I just found out that, beginning in January 2008, all foreigners taking the Swiss driver's license exams (theory and practical) will have to take both in one of the four official languages of Switzerland; no more taking the written and driving parts in one's native language. I dunno . . .

Nice to see you, friend. :hug:

:crazy:

You're asking this question because you know something's wrong. Maybe it isn't your relationship but rather something else in her life. The best thing to do would be to ask her and then thnk seriously about how to deal with her answer.

Give it up.

Make her chase you. If she doesn't, then she's not interested and you move on.

Break up with her before she breaks up with you. And while you're at it, you really gotta learn to take things a little slower, I think.

If she kills your cat and lynches its carcass from a tree in front of your house, you made the right move. But call the cops just in case.

Anyway, that's how I'd handle it.

I had no idea that was possible

:hide:

It happens sometimes. The connection just isn't there. That's what dating is for - to find out whether you are really compatible with someone.

It has nothing to do with her maturity, and she's not "wrong" or "bad" if she changed her mind about you.

Or maybe you just read more into her actions at the beginning than was really there.

It's gone, that's all that matters. If you've only been together a month and things are this bad, I'd say you should consider the very likely possibility that you're just not well-suited for each other.

trying to figure out what things are turning the person off.
Some people do repeat the same "mistakes" in relationships.

but it seems to me that exes are not the best people to ask "how can I improve myself" because it's likely that the advice / suggestions will be ignored.

Best people for that sort of advice are friends, IMHO anyway. :)

I was thinking the poster might be looking for some advice from people in the lounge who have had the same experience, on either end of the transaction.

Given this poster's previous post, however, not sure how much he'd be willing/able to change.

By the way, are you always this unfailingly polite in person?

you haven't seen many of my posts, have you?! :P

Anywho, the answer is a resounding no. I'm very hot tempered and mouthy. Heh... I'm very "Sobchack" that way. :D

Are you always polite? People like that make me suspicious.
(Not really. :D)

No, I'm not always very polite in person.
My sarcastic and dead-pan humor has upset people sometimes. Hard to do dead-pan on-line, but I'll try to add more sarcasm in my posts.

now I'm confused... was that sarcasm up there?

I'm easy to upset but I get over stuff even faster than I get riled by it. :hi:

try reading with a little more insight, Hamen! . . (possibly obscure reference).

:rofl:

now go for the gold!