If someone you cared about died and a considerable length of time has passed,

how have your thoughts about them changed?

My aunt died several years ago, and when I used to think about her, I immediately felt sad- felt a sense of loss.

Now, when I think about her, I don't feel a loss anymore; rather, I feel happy in remembering what she was like. She was a very large, bubbly woman, and she was like a child. Every year at Christmas, she would dress up in a giant elf suit and skip around.

Maybe I'm used to her absence so I've reverted to the memories of her, not of her passing.

It's nice, anyway. She'd love that I think of her and chuckle. I suspect it is different when you lose someone very close to you, rather than someone who is more peripheral to your daily life.


:-)

there are different stages of grief, and I imagine that the length of time a person endures each stage depends upon how severe the sense of loss.

I've been fortunate to not lose any members of my immediate family. I can only guess what that is like. I dread the day I possess that kind of knowledge.

I'm somewhat close to her, but not very close to her. We (my son and I) went to visit her last night. She doesn't have any children, so my mother is pretty much her primary care-giver. My mother's not a young woman anymore and the stress of caring her Aunt Rita is starting to take its toll. We're all trying to kick in and help.

It really bothered my son to see Aunt Rita like that. He remembers her "playing hockey" w/ her in the driveway back when he was 5 or 6. Seeing her this old, and thin, and in the hospital got him to thinking about all the people in his life who will, eventually, get old.

I think of my mom and dad. I remember getting the phone calls when the grandparents died. The one that comes when one of my parents goes is more than I can think about. (Thank goodness everyone is still pretty healthy at this stage of the game!)

Mortality is really hard for us to grasp when we're young... especially the mortality of people who will be, in our hearts and minds, forever young.

but I think it also makes you really consider not only the inevitability of death in a more healthy and honest way, but also the appreciation of life.

I feel the same way about my mom. I miss her all the time, and still get sad sometimes, but I have gotten to the point where I can cherish her memory and be thankful for the things she taught me and for how she raised me (good and bad).

and it's been 5 years this month since I lost my beautiful daughter. I still am unable to talk about it without crying. It sucks...nothing could possibly be worse.

:hug: :hug: :hug: I cannot imagine what that pain is like.

That was sweet of you.

:hug:

I pray I never, ever, have to know that feeling.

No one should...thank you

Do you know of Compassionate Friends, the support group for parents in your situation?

:hug:

Where do I connect with them....are they online or what?

www.compassionatefriends.org/

There is a chapter locator on the left side of the main page.

Sorry for the time delay.

Reaching out to OMC like you did while you were dealing with your own sorrow was amazing. And very humbling to me.

:hug:

You are a sweetheart as well...did you get my pm?

I left a message yesterday. Hopefully, I'll hear back soon. Things are totally crazy here with the painters still unfinished and crap everywhere.

For the better part of last night, I couldn't find a phone to use. :rofl:

now that can be a good thing sometimes. I'll tell ya, you had me damn near falling off my chair the other day when you mentioned the teacher called your child by a different name for the whole year!!! :rofl:

It was pretty funny. Her first grade teacher and I are friends and she and I still laugh about that year. :rofl:

I don't know how you move on from a loss like that.


:-(

:hug:

baby steps, let me tell ya. I am not a religious person but I am spiritual and that is what gets me through.

Words are never adequate in this situation, I know. I'm so, so very sorry beyond what words could express for the loss of your daughter:hug::hug: My deepest, most profound and sincerest thoughts, prayers, condolences and sympathies go out to you and your family. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm sorry I missed your reply... :cry:

What can I say? Nothing but I can give you a :hug:

My grandfather on my dad's side was the last to pass back in early 2006. After the funeral, we went back to his house (the house he literally built himself) and we popped in a video of him and my grandmother's 50th Anniversary, which was back in 1992. It was great seeing the video of him, my grandmother, and my other grandmother, all very much active as we remembered them growing up.

many times I still tear up.

And, I still find myself thinking 'after I do such and such, I'll call Mom'. :cry:

We were so very close, it still hurts sometimes. :hug: to you.

it's about half and half now. I still get the urge to give her a phone call,also.

I would always be the one who would keep Mum updated about the political news -if something happened, I would often phone her at work or rush into the room to tell her. Whenever something happens in the world of politics, I find myself instinctively wanting to go and tell Mum about it

:hug: :hug: :hug:

BTW, I cannot thank you enough for sharing that poem that your mother left you -"Remember Me", I was so touched by it that I went and looked it up on the Net and found several versions of it. I read one of the versions at my mother's funeral. I probably never would have found it if not for you and your mother -for that I am eternally grateful

It's almost exactly three years now, and she was elderly and in poor health so it wasn't a big surprise when she died, but a lot of times I still get all sniffly when I think about her. Still miss her a lot.

In a sense, it means that you have incorporated the loss and can now remember her the way you experienced her for most of your life.

I've taken a lot of hits over the years: family, jobs, marriage, .... when you can start remembering the joy they brought you again more than whatever ended their lives, that means you can go on and create new memories.

:-)

close young family members - it's sad because they didn't get to live their life.

Older family members who got to live a long full life - like grandparents- you miss them, but you can remember the fun.

I still miss my maternal grandmother 25 years later, but I can think of all the fun stuff we did together.

Well, except for watching the 68 Republican convention while she cooked beef hearts. :wtf: :rofl:

Seems rather symbolic at a distance....

It's just that the sadness has had a chance to move behind the good memories you hold.

it takes a long time, but now I remember my departed friends and family with a warm feeling, instead of grief.

I wish it were different, but it's not. He was a big part of who I was. It's like being a walking dead woman. It's dreams dead. It's hating watching the leaves that grew while he was still alive fall from the trees. It's realizing this is the longest I have ever been apart from him. It's not wanting to go on, but having to, because of the children. It's people telling you that it doesn't get better it gets different...and realizing you don't want different-you just want, no you just need him.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

:hug:

RL

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers frequently and will continue to do so.

What I didn't see then and what I see now ...

... is LOVE.

:cry:

My grandfather passed away twelve years ago when I was fourteen. I was very close to him and remember all the good times we shared together -the Christmases, the birthdays and the holidays and his love and kindness toward me and all his other grandchildren. I still feel his loss immensely and regret the fact that, despite all the time I spent with him, I never got to know him as well as I would have liked.

My uncle passed away almost a decade ago. He was a deeply troubled man in many ways and I was nervous around him through much of my life -he was very well-meaning and he loved us dearly but I think his own personal issues related to how he dealt with other people. As a consequence, for the first few years after his passing, I regretted that I had never appreciated him as much as I should. But now I mainly look back and remember the good times I had with him and I've been able to put aside much of my guilt and sadness about him

My grandmother passed away two years ago and ,for the first few months or so I felt immense guilt and sadness over her passing, because -due to the fact that she lived in another country -I had not seen her for over a year before she died. But much of the guilt and even sadness has gone now because I remind myself of the many good times that we shared together and the many happy memories I have of my time with her. I am also grateful because she did live to within six months of her 100th birthday and that allowed me enough time with her as an adult to get to know more about her and the life she had led and her thoughts and views on various subjects. I now tend to remember the good times

My mother passed away six months ago. I am not at a place now where I can be at peace with the fact that she's gone or make sense of the fact she's gone. Even though I was fortunate in that I got a lot of peace and closure from the final weeks of her life (and hopefully she did too), I am still overwhelmed from time to time by feelings of grief, sadness, confusion and guilt. If anything, my grief and sense of pain and loss have intensified over the past few months.

it never goes away. It just doesn't burn as much over time.

:hug: