Holiday Competitions - beyond the lawn display

I'll start - the person who strives to get the Thanksgiving turkey for the lowest price possible. It doesn't matter how it tastes, as long as it's cheap or free. Bonus points for using grocery store coupons for scoring two free turkeys.

Jeez, don't you know anything? :P


Oh and I'm anti-competition. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. O8)

I give it away, though, because it's almost always too small for our family. So, it's kind of a win-win.

One person on our list always gets their's to us the day after Thanksgiving.

I'm always late, so our card doesn't make it onto my in-law's card display. Our card always ends up in the corner with the other bad cards.

:rofl:

My father in-law always used to cook Christmas dinner and brag about how cheap he got the ham. "Can you believe I got this for only 59 cents a pound?" They were always dreadful hams.

And speaking of holiday competitions, I think it's time for the annual posting of Martha Stewart's holiday to-do list:

December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.

December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3
Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7
Debug WindowsNT.

December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11
Lay Faberge egg.

December 12
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

Put the tree in the playpen or else on a raised plywood platform with a 2' edge. That way the little critters can look at it all they want, but they can't reach it.

The plywood platform only works if the kid can't climb yet. Curtain climbers and porch monkeys will be up and on that platform dropping ornaments on the floor faster than a cat on an unattended turkey.