The drunk blond at Thanksgiving dinner.

I went to a large thankgiving dinner at the home of good friends. There were over 30 of us. It was a pretty Vermontish thing. The house is a remodeled old farmhouse high on a hill (you have to walk up about 20 stone steps to the door) overlooking a pond and farmland, with deep woods behind. People were dressed in everything from jeans to long skirts. The occupations of the guests were varied; farmers, an artisan cheesemaker, a lawyer, a large animal vet, architect, newspaper editor, college students, high school students, filmaker and more.

One friend, a very reserved and lovely guy in his late thirties, brought his new girlfriend: She stood out. She was dressed in high heeled suede boots and a tight skirt, lots of makeup and a form fitting stretchy top. Her hair was dyed platinum blond.

I'm not sure if she was smashed when she got there, but it became wildly obvious that she was smashed within a very short time. We weren't sitting at the same table, but it was hard to ignore her presence; she was talking at the top of her voice, telling everyone how much she loved them and laughing at things only she found funny.

After dinner, we all gathered to play charades, and that's when her behavior really escalated: she took to hopping on available male laps- particularly the laps of teenagers and her hostesses husband's lap. When it was her turn to perform in Charades, she attempted a sexy dance that ended with her writhing on the floor. I have to note right here that not one person snickered at her or was anything but kind. Still it was fairly embarassing- particularly for her boyfriend.

A few minutes later I ran into her coming out of the bathroom; I stopped her and asked; "Are you OK?" She burst into tears. I ushered her into a little study and she told me that she'd lost her son in a car accident just about a year ago. I spent an hour with her. She was in horrible pain. She talked about her child and how extraordinarily close they were, and how terribly angry she is at him.

I made this snap judgement about someone- I daresay I wasn't the only one there to do it. I'm sure I'll do it again, but I'm going to try and remember what happened yesterday.

Just WOW.

I am all for perspicacity.

I love having to look up words. It means I learned something today! :)

what's going on in someone else's mind. We should always give people the benefit of the doubt until we find out different. I'd rather regret being kind than regret being cruel.

see that no one- not one person there- was anything but kind to this woman, despite some pretty outrageous behavior. I haven't gone into details, but she was pretty out there and pretty obnoxious. My son, who's just 21 was one of the kids she was coming on to pretty heavily; he handled it beautifully, but another kid who's just 15 was pretty freaked out. Still, as far as I know, there weren't any nasty whispers behind her back or snickers about her behavior- people just felt sorry for her, even though they weren't aware of her situation. I think a lot of us also felt a bit annoyed about the drama and the disruption of an event we all really get into, but the knowledge of her loss put that into perspective for me.

Wow. Wise words, thank you...

RL

:-(
And on a less solemn note: acting like a drunken floozie should never be rooted in deep grief. It ruins all the fun of it.

her surviving child is in the Navy in the Persian Gulf.

That was a story I will take to heart. I thank you.

:thumbsup:

of facing possibly the
first Thanksgiving without
her son must have been
unbearable. She probably
was trying too hard to have
a good time inspite of her
pain. Glad you took the time
to talk to her about it, you may
never know what a difference
that made to her but, I promise
you, it made a difference.
Kindness like that is a beautiful
thing.

She was desperately trying to have a good time, to feel attractive, to dodge the pain, and she isn't someone, I don't think, who has a lot of resources. I'm so glad I took the opportunity to ask her how she was doing.

Very good emotional judo on your part. :thumbsup:

I don't think I deserve any plaudits for it. Who wouldn't have done what I did?

seriously.

And according to you, the rest of the people around you failed as well. Thank you also for your humility.

a really poor job relating this story. People couldn't have been kinder to her even though she was behaving in a way that would have made almost anyone uncomfortable. As I said, no one snickered behind her back or made any kind of disapproving statement to her at all.

I was chiding them for politely ignoring the elephant in the room, instead of analyzing it, and then acting to help it. Acknowledging another's fear and pain takes a certain amount of love and grace, and to then act to help them know that they are seen, that they are recognized and are not alone, requires even more. May this be the standard, not the exception.

I didn't care a great deal for the film "Little Miss Sunshine" (the ending blew it for me) but the one scene where the girl just hugs her despairing brother is something that we should all learn and mimic.

telling us about it.

We should not judge on first impressions, indeed. Everyone has a story, and if we take the time to learn the story, we're beter for having done so.

Redstone

someone else's baggage, even just for a moment.

I don't envy her pain and I hope for her sake that she finds healthy ways to cope. On the other hand, how many people has your story changed for the better? I count myself among those people. Thanks for sharing it.

And a most appropriate lesson for the day. If only we could all be less insecure and insular as to reach out to others there would be so many opportunities such as there and much more understanding. Thanx for being so kind to one that most would turn away from in judgment.

..you never know what a person might be going through... or the reason for strange behavior.

I'm glad you learned from it. And I hope she can find some peace and healing soon. :hug:

My heart goes out to that woman; I can only imagine the pain she must be in.

Thank you so much for reaching out to her. You may never know the true impact of that action, but I bet it will be far-reaching.

:hug: