I figure it's easier to write out a post for those who care to refer to, rather than tell the same stuff over and over again :D
I arrived 4 days before the wedding, with my saree, my bangles, my gold shoes and my jewelery, not knowing anything about what was ahead, or how I would even get dressed.
Most of the lead up to the wedding was running around like mad, waking up at what felt like 6:30 AM (central time girl in an eastern zone) and going crazy. The only time it felt like we got to eat was when we had planned dinners with out of town guests or family.
Thursday, we all went for manicures and pedicures before the mehndi party. Then, I returned to the condo and prepared appetizers and trays of food for all the mehndi guests while Jen, the bride, went for her Uptan. Seven unmarried family members smear her in a paste made of turmeric, sandalwood and rosewater. This is supposed to lighten her skin, make her glow, and make her skin fragrant. Mostly, it turned her yellow. Very yellow. This is supposed to be done three times leading up to the wedding, though she only did it once as no one was sure what would happen to the white girl, ie if she would be yellow like a Simpson's character on her wedding day. :P
Instead of the traditional tea party for the mehndi, we had a wine and cheese party. Though, apparently fairly traditionally for this family, everything was late. Jen got back late, the artist was late, we were getting our henna applied up to about 1am. I was in awe, the woman that did the bridesmaids just sat down with this little tube of paste and freehanded the most amazing and intricate designs. Jen had her own artist with a different kind of paste, hers was so detailed with such tiny lines, I'm not surprised her hands took about four hours. She had to opt out of the feet, as it was just way too freaking late.
The party room where the mehndi took place was half a block from the condo and down a flight of steep stairs that were icy as shit from the weird storm we had that day. I was trying to precariously balance trays of hot apps, as the room had no freaking oven, in my high heels, around the block and down the stairs. It was pretty hilarious. So was watching someone feed us cigarettes because we couldn't use our hands after they'd been done.
The next day we had to get all of Jens hair stuff so she could put it up for the ceremony. Her dupatta (scarf/shawl worn over the head that reached basically to the knees) weighed about a million pounds, so she needed some pretty heavy duty hair stuff. We also had to get her an emergency nail touch up as her fingernails looked like she'd been smoking for 40 years and never washed her hands after the uptan.
I'll fast forward to the day of the wedding. We had to drive to Brampton for 8:30 AM, which meant leaving at 7:30, picking up my father, and then getting Jens mother. Jen planned to be up at 6:30. At 7:18, she was pounding on my door. We somehow managed to get out on time. After racing around downtown, we headed out to brampton, with Hitesh (the groom) calling us every five minutes as we were running a little late. Jen was getting pretty pissed, as they're about 2 hours late for everything, and we were maybe 15 mins behind. Anyway, we got to Brampton for another ceremony in the hall. I can't remember what it was called, but it was between Jen and her parents, though I got dragged in a few times as they seem to grab anyone who's anywhere nearby and make them do things, and photograph them without makeup or brushed hair :P
Anyway, it was very interesting. Jen had a bracelet tied on, the name of which I forget, and from then on was not allowed to so much as talk to Hitesh on the phone until they met under the mandup (wedding tent). The pandit recommended using caller ID :D
We then went to a hotel to get ready. Let me just say CHAOS. All the bridesmaids left the room early to go to the hall and have some aunties wrap our sarees. However, we couldn't find the ones who were supposed to do it, so we had to hunt up some random aunties while half dressed in our petticoats and cholis. Someone was found to help us, and they were lovely ladies. We then had our bindis applied and went to mingle and wait for the bride. She couldn't arrive until Hitesh was in the hall. When he came, the men and some drummers encircled him and preformed the talota (I think). Lots of singing and dancing in the parking lot. I was told by one of the cousins that the men are supposed to try to prevent the groom from entering the hall, and he has to dance away from them. When he reached the door he was presented with money and something else from the brides mother.
Then, in came my sister. She was so breathtakingly gorgeous I can't even describe it. She wore a red lengha, with the dupatta, she was so gorgeous. I tear up a little just thinking about. They grabbed some kid to be ring bearer and we all went down the aisle. It was fairly western-traditional in that sense, the bridesmaids walked ahead of her, we scattered orange and gold petals, and Jen came in on my fathers arm.
The actual ceremony was an hour and a half long, which I am told was condensed. It was mostly in I think hindi, but Jen managed to find a pandit who would do some in English for the non Indian guests (and herself!). There were very beautiful rituals of purification, Saat phere which is circling the sacred fire together chanting mantras for blessings, tossing grain in the fire... They were tied together, and had to go around 7 times. Lots of other stuff, I can't do justice to it all.
After that, we headed to a greenhouse to have pictures taken, we were running so late we only had about 20 mins.
The reception that night! Well. First, the grooms brother was unloading all the liquor, and he couldn't find the head table wine. That was a wine that you cannot find in Canada anymore, and Jen and Hitesh found again in Cuba and brought back a case. They saved a few bottles specially for their wedding. I knew it was in the trunk of Hiteshes car, so I ran around finding his keys and went to look. Not there. After a seriously frantic search, I found it behind one of the bars. Only ONE BOTTLE was left. Then, I got to go in a car with one of the cousins or something, running around Brampton, looking for a liquor store. In gold strappy sandals, a gold and black saree, piles of jewelery, etc, and let me tell you people stared. We couldn't find the wine, as I expected, so we had to pick something else out. Then we're getting calls on our cells that we need to find like 400 books of matches and bring them back because someone lost all the matchbooks. Oy. I got to run around a supermarket in full Hindu wedding regalia. Crisis averted anyway, though Jen was pretty upset.
Fast forward to the actual reception, everyone was given dandiya (sticks) as gifts, so we could all participate in the dandiya raas. That's a traditional Gujarati folk dance which represents the fight between the goddess Durga and and Mahishasura. For more:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dandiya_raasGreat fun.
Lots of great indian food, wine, liquor, and speeches followed. Lots of crying. Jen and Hitesh cut the cake, had their first dance, where I had to chase the groomsmen out of their seats and make them find partners or Jen would be embarrassed.
After the formal stuff was done, the DJ started. She was AMAZING. As I was told, the 'hottest queer indian dj in Toronto', and I'd say the hottest, queer indian or not. EVERYONE was on the dance floor. And though it was a small wedding by Indian standards (only 3-400 people), that many people partying is pretty impressive. The only people left in their seats were those who were physically unable to dance. It was really spectacular. Traditional Indian music mixed with hip-hop, dance, techno, etc. You just HAD to move.
Lots more happened, but basically, by 1:30 am, piss drunk and exhausted, we all started making our way back.
I had no idea there was so much to an Indian wedding. It was beautiful and moving, and fun and so different. Everyone was fabulous, helped all of us clueless whites so much, so accepting and kind. I couldn't imagine a better way for my big sister to seal her love to such an amazing man. They are both so wonderful, and it was the best wedding I've ever been to. I hope their life together mirrors their first day and night as husband and wife forever, full of fun and happy tears, love and joy.
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