If anybody's up, I need someone to scream at me.

Honestly, am I just fucking everything up?

After several very good weeks, lately I've barely been able to finish a goddamn thing. I'm a grad student composer, writing music and lyrics for a show to be performed next spring. But this week, I barely wrote a note. I haven't written any new dialogue in God knows how long. After weeks and weeks of keeping dilligent and outdoing myself with 5 new full-length, arranged compositions, plus a new scene every other week, lately it's been just a total washout, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't had a week just like it about a month ago.

But that ain't the worst of it. Because I'm putting so much effort into this project, I've been ignoring some of my other classes. Now the semester is about to end, and I have got scads of work that needs to be done, and I don't want to do most of it. Or maybe ANY of it. What happened?! As an undergraduate I never gave up on classes, especially classes in my area of expertise, now here I am, 25 years old, and I bet I'm on the verge of getting straight D's or something.

I need someone to yell at me, scream at me, tell me to concentrate, get my head in the game, stop goofing off and wasting time and money by not putting in 110% effort with these classes--and to get back to work on my show. Because for some reason, I can't do it alone. I just feel like despairing.

Next week you might be back into full flow again. Don't despair.

if there other, non-creative/artistic things you can do, maybe you could concentrate on those until your mojo returns.

See, in my mind, there are two basic types of composers: Mozarts and Beethovens.

Mozarts sit down, brimming with confidence, and will a masterpiece out of thin air. Steady, dilligent work for two hours without breaking a sweat--in the middle, they have a quick snack, a glass of wine, maybe chat up a neighbor--then they sit back down for another two hours and finish the thing. Not a hair out of place, they then go party with their equally polished, conscientious friends.

Beethovens, on the other hand, can't finish anything without locking themselves in their rooms for days, ranting and swearing at the wallpaper until inspiration finally strikes. When they emerge from their funk, they are unshaven, malnourished, and in a dazed frame of mind, clutching their finished work with ink-stained fingers. Then, grumpy and incoherent, they're too exausted for anything but passive entertainment and finally, sleep.

I'm a Beethoven. But I wish I was a Mozart.

Walk away from it for a while. Sometimes you need to step away from something to get rid of that block.

Get on the friggin' chopper!
Keep yer head down! (and IN the GD books)

You'll remember this day FOREVER...BUT only if you DO WELL

TAKE the RISK ...and FLY the G'DAMNED MISSION !
It ain't THAT hard.

You want a "hard assignment"?????

HARD IS LANDING IN A "HOT L-Z" WITH 2 dozen green, 19 year olds (and you're only 22.5 your damn self!) and quickly sur-friggin-rounded by 100 PAVN with heavey weapons.

Do well! Make Mom proud! "Garry Owen!"

and perhaps especially in the arts, requires a great deal of discipline. I make half of my living by painting, and those dreamy moments of inspiration and reverie constitute less than 10 percent of what it is to make and sell art. The rest is just _doin' it_, like anything else. :hi:

Doing nothing guarantees zero results, and I don't think "zero" is what you're shooting for in terms of results or a grade, is it?

Compose and write even when you don't feel like it -- especially if you don't feel like it. That's where the seeds of discipline take root. Don't despair. Just _do it_.

There is nothing compelling me to be artistic. My livelihood does not depend on it, nor does my education. If I don't feel like drawing, then I won't. But for others that might not be good advice.

Just a different perspective from mine.

Afternoon, sunshine! :hug:

:*

About a month ago, I was jamming. In fact, this whole semester was a blast--until this last week. And I guess three weeks ago, when I stumbled briefly, recovered, and did my best work of the year.

I have no idea what's wrong right now. I'm no stranger to falling down and picking myself up again, but it's hell when you're in the middle of it and the light at the end of the tunnel isn't visible at present.

it's a cyclical or a circle, not one straight line from Point A to Point B without any bumps in between. When I don't feel like doing art is when I know that I _must_, even when I don't feel particularly inspired. If you don't do it, you don't leave yourself much room to even _get_ inspired, but you provide ample space to feel guilty and lost. So, please, just do it. You _know_ you can do this. I'll light a white candle for you, okay? :hug:

How about this, allow yourself one day free of thinking about it. Do something you enjoy, take some exercise, have a healthy and delicious dinner, a bubble bath and a good night's sleep. When you awake the next day make a strong pot of coffee and kick some major ass. You can do it.

All rest and no effort makes you mush, but all effort and no rest makes you exhausted.

Running training programs sometimes advise 3 weeks of hard training, followed by a week of slightly reduced effort (to about 75%) to let yourself rest, recover and come back stronger.

How about a really good night's sleep so that you come back fresher to the task?

Edited to add: My father was a composer. I have childhood memories of my father at the piano or in his studio every day. It's a job, all right. And an adventure.