He who broke my heart called on Xmas night

He said he misses me and while he doesn't ever want to get married he would love to live with me for the rest of his life. I was sound asleep when he called so not fully coherent during the conversation. There was a follow up email that I should look for a place with a decent kitchen.

I told him that I was unsure, that I needed to think about this and did it have to be all or nothing? He called again the next day and admitted that he had been drinking but wasn't drunk and was completely serious. I had to leave for work so we cut the conversation short and now I haven't heard from him since. I had been thinking that I didn't want to jump into anything, wanted to take it slow and see what happened but he's already doing the one thing that bugged me the most, i.e., not returning my call, and my gut is telling me that I should just completely avoid getting involved again because it can only lead to more heartbreak down the road. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect someone (who claims they love you) to return your phone call within 24 hours even if it's just to say that they're too busy to talk. This shit drives me nuts. I don't want to be involved with someone who makes me feel nuts. Am I being unreasonable? I need to kick this guy to the curb, right?

You say that he does things that drive you nuts. Why live with that full-time? You're better than that and deserve more. Don't let the worry that something better might not happen drive you into something that you know will drive you nuts. :hug:

He sounds like an invitation to frequent drama. And who needs that in their life. :(

...but then I don't know anything about the previous history.

:)

Yeah, kick him to the curb.

You should look for a place with a decent kitchen? :rofl: If he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, why doesn't *he* look for a place with a kitchen he finds suitable, and invite you to live there? Or at least invite you to go residence hunting with him, so you can decide together on a place to live.

And, yeah, he shoulda called back. And he shouldn't have called you in the middle of the night.

:hug:

and doesn't want anything fundamental to change. Not to mention not returning the phone call, which is just bad all around. I would say that you should listen to your head and wonder whether he is worth this. It sounds like heartache is down the road, and, having been there, I say its not worth it. If a person causes you pain like this, they aren't worth it.

Needs a good whupp'n AFTER you kick him to the curb. No question.

Connonym too, for still accepting his phone calls

his ass absolutely, but mine? Can I plead sleepy and not fully coherent thereby making an ass kicking unnecessary?

simply put, he is not respecting you and that is unacceptable. I know it's hard but you deserve much, much better my sweet.

You're smart. See it for what it is.

If he comes to you with the same type of offer while he's sober, consider it -- if you haven't already moved on.

Time is too important to be wasted by waiting, when we all need to be moving forward.

I could see my "ex" pulling something like this. (The quotes are because even though we split households in April after living together for six years, we somehow still manage to find time for movies and cooking and sex every week).

He can get quite maudlin. If he did it when drunk, I would tell him to stay sober and then ask me again in two weeks. (Why yes, I do have a contingency plan for this! :D)

I think that's kind of an icky thing to do, honestly. Not calling you back? WTF? Passive-aggressive and immature. Either he means it or he doesn't, and if he does, he should be damn serious about earning your trust again. That ain't the way to do it.

i am the same way. if you love me so damn much, why can't you call me (or at least text me) that you are too busy to talk

already told you what do to. Please follow your gut feeling! :hug:

don't answer his calls. As much as it hurts, move on. We all deserve better.

*nods vigorously*

:hug:

Trust me, I had them too and they hurt sometimes. When an opportunity to relocate for a job happened I took it and ended up in Delaware

Move on down the road and don't look in the rear view mirror. Listen to your gut.

Then think what you would say to her, what you would want for her in a man. Then do that for yourself.

Sounds like this dude might have a drinking problem. If he does, though, that's not the reason you should kick him to the curb, but because he's inconsiderate.

If you get back together with him now because he "seems" to have changed and "realizes how much you mean to him", he'll just break your heart again, and when he's feeling lonely again, you'll get another phone call.
You're free of him now and I'm sure it wasn't easy dealing with a broken heart. Keep going until your heart heals completely and let this sorry bastard find somebody else to use.

There are good men out there--it just takes time. Think of it this way; if he did that to someone you really love, what would you think of him?

...but your gut is absolutely correct.

tell him to go play with a tiger. :hide:

I have a tendency to let men take me on emotional rollercoasters. But I am making a concerted effort to break that pattern. It sounds like he's doing that to you. If someone loves you, they should love you all the time, not just when they're feeling weepy, drunk, emotional, needy, etc... you deserve to be loved ALL the time. Not just on someone else's terms. I've seen your smile and you've made me laugh and cry, I can say this now with a sense of certainty.

Call me if you ever need to talk.

By all means, move on. These kinds of guys never resolve their shit.

many people argue that marriage isn't a guarantee of commitment. And it isn't.

But of all the heterosexual people I know who have been together more than 20 years, none of them are unmarried. None.

(I think it's different for homosexuals because, for the most part, they don't have the option to get married.... and even so, the ones that stay together for a long time usually have some sort of commitment ceremony).



Marriage may not be a guarantee... but it's the best commitment you're going to get.

If a real commitment is what you want, don't settle.

What advice would you give someone who had asked the same question of you?

Seriously, DO you want to be involved with someone who makes you feel nuts?

Dump him. If he calls again, don't take the call; and whatever you do, don't call him. Run away from this one.

anybody who has the nerve to call me when i'm sleeping off xmas and try to get me to get a place for him with a bigger kitchen so i can cook for his lazy no good worthless ass (probably after he had xmas meal w. somebody who couldn't cook for shit...) well...that person can stick it where the sun don't shine

and he's a drunk dialer on top of it?

i can smell the user/loser vibe from here

you deserve better!

BLOCK his calls from your home, work, and cell phones, BLOCK his email address from your email accounts, it's time to move on

you owe him NO explanation, resist the urge to explain to him just one more time, don't explain fuck, just block him out of your life

Sorry-to much time in sales-gets in on the brain...

If for something as important as this he isn't on your doorstep when you got home from work-or at least a bunch of messages in your voicemail...
Dump him
you deserve someone who wants you ALL THE TIME.

At least that is what i want for myself....

from your past posts, it seems pretty certain that this fella is going to have a different story every time the wind changes. That said, he could perhaps date Mary Poppins successfully but for the rest of us that live in the REAL world... Not so much.

Be strong, and do what you know is right.