**Breaking News** Kellogg's to pull Frosted Flakes from stores

Young America, MN
In response to a lawsuit filed yesterday by witnesses to the tragic tiger attack at the San Fransico Zoo, Kellogg's cereal has reached a settlement and has agreed to pull their popular Frosted Flakes featuring the iconic Tony the Tiger from stores.

The lawsuit alleges that Kellogg's cereal recklessly and negligently represents tigers to be harmless. The complaint alleges that media and commercial portrayals of tigers led to creating a false sense of security regarding tigers. Attorney in this class action suit, Jackie Chiles told reporters "Kellogg's Cereal created an attractive nuisiance. They lured our kids into wanting to play with tigers - those boys weren't taunting the tiger, they wanted to share a meal with her not be a meal."

Jack Mehoffer, one of the plaintiffs in the suit and a bystander at the zoo, stated " I mean come on...for years our kids think Frosted Flakes are Grrrreat, that tigers care about our kids nutrition and then this happens..... who knew tigers were dangerous. I don't think I can ever go down the cereal aisle again. Now how am I supposed to feed my kids??"

Amanda Hougnchiss, also a plaintiff, was not at the zoo but states that she thought about going to the zoo that day. "I was thinking of visiting the zoo or go see the new Denzel Washington film "Remember the Debaters"... I decided that since I live in New York, it would be easier to go the movies than to the San Francisco Zoo...when I think of how close I came to being there and possibly witnessing the attack...well now I have a panic attack if I see the colors orange and black together"

Art Vandelay, CEO of Kellogg's could not be reached for comment at this time. However Kellogg's released a statement regarding the tragedy stating that they are deeply sorry for the families and the victims. Later TMZ caught Mr. Vandelay as he was getting into his car and was overheard callously stating "It's a fricking cartoon tiger....what the hell is wrong with people".


In other news, golfer Tiger Woods has changed his name to Lynx Woods. Mr. Woods stated that this in no way was in response to recent public backlash on all things tiger related. Sources state that Mr. Woods first changed his name to Puma Woods, however after Nike threatened to sue for breach of contract, he changed his name to Jaguar Woods. After GM and their subsidiary Buick threatened to sue for breach of contract, Mr. Woods announced his new name Lynx.


Finally, athletic teams using tiger mascots are being urged to substitute "ocelot" in their team names in order to prevent future legal action. General manager, Dave Dombrowski, of the Detroit Tigers/Ocelots was overheard saying "what the fuck is a goddamn ocelot?" in response to the news.

:rofl:

:applause:

:rofl:

...they missed that one! ;)

:rofl:

:yourock:

I don't believe that. It's not April first yet.... :wtf:

:rofl:

home of the Lions and Tigers.

:rofl:

:mad:

unused cereal could have been ground up and used to coat chicken.

"It's a fricking cartoon tiger....what the hell is wrong with people".


I guess they got a bad batch and started seeing him talk to them.


:rofl:

but they will because Siegfried and Roy's pet got loose?

:scared:

Add that to the fact that kids were taunting the corn flakes; and you've got a bloody dangerous situation.