You are looking for love...what matters to you?

I'm happily married, but I thought it would be fun to write what we used to look for, or are now looking for, in a mate.

A long time ago I used to keep my eye out for a man who loved his dog enough to let it ride in the cab of his pickup truck, instead of in the back. (When I met my husband-to-be, my shy dog trusted and accepted him, so I took my dog's opinion into consideration!)

I think it's important to like the same kinds of food, so you don't have to cook two different meals.

I wouldn't want to live with someone who desires empty tabletops, while I like stuff around to look at and play with. Similar clutter quotient, you could call it.

and you...?

My main thing is that I just can't stand being around boringly normal people. The people I hang out with need to be smart enough and strange enough to hold my attention. :)

I can't deal with muggles. Even if they're not a fannish type, they have to appreciate weirdness.

my GF says she likes about me the most.

She once wrote me a very nice note in which she said I was the kindest, gentlest, and most caring man she had ever met coupled with a lot of strength. Not physical strength of course, but strength of conviction and character.

I still have that note.

now, as for what I like about her?

Definitely, she is absolutely adorable and gorgeous, her eyes are so beautiful and her smile makes me melt. But beyond being a total hottie, she is also very kind, smart, intelligent, caring and gentle. We share the same political views, life goals, and aspirations. She loves to be a girly girl, and loves that I can be such a guy at times. And trust me, she is cute as hell when she is being a girly girl...

I also love that she loves to spend time together doing the things I enjoy, such as listening to music, or snuggling on the couch, or going to see the MN Orchestra play, or to see some movie, or camping, sailing, etc..

basically, we are just a really good fit together, and I love her dearly.

I'm glad she recognizes those good qualities in you. Hang onto the note, you will enjoy reading it for years to come. :)

it takes a special person to shut the hell up and just 'be in the now' with me.

I might have found her.

:P

:P

Might'n be hard to live up to.

Or, put more succinctly, my Wife.........

and a positive outlook on life. Oh, yeah and similar political views. I find most Republicans as being morally bankrupt- except for my father, but he is the old school Republican.

And those are great requirements that you had, Marzipanni. Animals really are a great judge of character and to see how a person acts around them is important. I also like your clutter quotient phrase- it makes perfect sense!

an ass man......


lol


:hi:

I know plenty of breast men, and leg men

of course, most guys are probably looking for the whole kit and kaboodle, so to speak.

I've found the kaboodle is an important part of that!

yes, I'm waiting for the lounge pile-on



:hide:

:spray:

:rofl:

aside from the usual kindness, fidelity, and general human decency:

1. A high level of intelligence and intellectual curiosity

2. Willingness to attend cultural events without acting like he's doing me a huge favor

3. A sense of humor that is more verbal than slapstick, more "laugh with" than "laugh at"

4. I like the OP's criterion of similar clutter tolerance. I couldn't live with a neatnik, even though my own place has never been condemned by the Health Department.

.

:shrug:

In my 43 years of life, my standards have gotten REALLY high. That's probably because I've been through 25 years of dating and have managed to pick all the wrong men.

Predictably, as my standards have risen, the pool of available men has shrunk.


Anyway....

Intelligent, but not so much that he talks over my head all of the time
Genuinely warm and giving
Not threatened by the success of other people
Doesn't want to make babies (I don't mind a man who has kids, but I'm not making any more)
Understands that romance and intimacy are not the same as sex
Wants for me to be happy, and accepts that I want him to be happy
Loves to laugh
Has a good relationship w/ his family and appreciates that I do too.
Has his own interests and friends and accepts my interests and friends... but wants to share w/ me once in a while too
He has to be looking for a life-mate... not just a bed-mate.
Picks up after himself and makes dinner a couple of times a week (even if it's reservations)
Not allergic to cats
Practices emotional and sexual fidelity
politically progressive

13 out of 14...

:hug:

RL

Also great in....oh, never mind. That goes without saying.

Someone who lets me be ME
Love of animals
Empathy and compassion
Someone who I can do nothing with and not want to strangle

Here's my list:

1) Must be soft spoken, not a yeller or loud and brash.

2) Gentle and patient, at least with me. I don't mind if in his work, he likes to push others.

3) Like Lydia and Miss Millie, enjoys cultural events on his own and not as a way to please me.

4) Sense of humor. I can't be around someone who takes himself too seriously and is self important.

5) Sense of accomplishment in his career, knows who he is and is comfortable with that.

6) Is respectful, helpful and kind to the women in his family. Because in 10 years, the way he treats them is the way he's going to treat you.

7) Similar politics. I just couldn't be with someone who had opposing viewpoints. It's too hard. There's that respect thing again.

8) Strength of character. doesn't expect me to "mother" him. I want someone that I can be vulnerable to and feel safe that his respected and treated with affection.

9) Doesn't mind that I sometimes need to be solitary to recharge. Is respectful and responsive to my needs/wants.

I hadn't considered the clutter factor, but I don't think I'm at that stage.

wild hair up the ass "let's go trip in the woods" type of gal.

Married one too!

All else is window-dressing.

The ability to look at where they are in their life, make peace with any mistakes or losses.

Also the ability to live in the moment (at least every once in a while) and let go of anxiety, emotional pain and baggage.

A person who really loves you knows your faults (and theirs) and loves you anyway.

Intelligence, a sense of humor, thoughtfulness, progressive, artsy, and half-way cute (I have a thing for dark hair and exotic looks).

GOT HIM! :D

reprehensor fits all these characteristics to a T. And I still pinch myself at finally getting lucky after so many duds.

Linky? :D

maybe because of your real name. yes, i know i am strange. :hi:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=7310703&mesg_id=7310703

GORGEOUS!

You were right! I love old art deco and art nouveau jewelry. I think it's a lot prettier than the stuff that's out now.

I adore retro stuff-- it's so classy and quirky, and you know no one else will have one exactly like it! I used to have the most gorgeous 1950s beaded sweater. I finally wore it out, I wore it so much.

Not as much trouble with jewelry, but the problem with retro clothes is that I can never find them big enough to fit me. I'm not HUGE, just in the smaller sizes at Lane Bryant, and they're all like Size 10 or something.

I'm bookmarking that site! :hi:

I bookmarked that site for certain.

My ex was very funny. He made me laugh all day (when we weren't fighting). And he used to work as a house manager at a comedy club. The actors used to use his material all the time.

flame me if you want, but it's important to me.

Also common interests, a connection, companionship, affection, intimacy, loyalty, respect, enjoying similar foods, getting along with my family and friends, attraction, values, sensibility, responsibility, etc.

For physical traits, my dream woman would have a naughty look in her eyes, a charming smile, a sharp nose, real breasts, slim waist, and a big round behind. My girlfriend has all the above except the nose...and I strongly oppose plastic surgery.

I admit I left that off my list.

I want someone who does it well and genuniely wants to please me. I'm tired of running into clumsy people. :P

personally, I haven't had much of a sex drive in a long time. My doc says she thinks that will change when I feel loved and feel like I'm in a safe relationship...

maybe....

:shrug:

:pals: :loveya:

But yeah, I have a healthy sexual appetite. I just recently started...um...having sex, so I want it and love it and have to be with someone who feels the same way.

I agree that sex is important... but for me, so is open-mindedness about what constitutes sex. :)

Redqueen, I agree wholeheartedly. :evilgrin: :pals: :loveya:

but they do have to be liberal/progressive.

art -- they gotta like and be curious about art -- all kinds.

they can't be hung up on monogamy.

lastly -- they gotta like travel -- and needless to say? -- they gotta like traveling with me.

(1) A woman who is kind, compassionate, sensitive, gentle, patient and soft spoken but who is also passionate and has her own opinions and fights for what she believes in.
(2)A woman who is accepting and open minded about different races, cultures, nationalities and people who have disabilities
(3) A woman who has an interest in politics, current events, history and world affairs.
(4) A woman who is relatively close to me in terms of political ideology. She doesn't have to be liberal -I could see myself dating a Lincoln Chafee or Christine Todd Whitman-style Republican -but her political views must be based on compassion, a desire for a fairer society and equality for all regardless of race, gender, sexual preference and the like
(5) A woman who likes to travel and experience different cultures
(6) A woman with maturity and experience in terms of romance, love and life
(7) A woman who doesn't want ANY MORE children. If she already has children, I'm fine with that. In the latter case scenario, I would hope that the woman in question would be prepared to help and guide me in the right direction as to how to be a responsible step-parent and how to develop a relationship with her kids
(8) A woman who has a good relationship with her family while at the same time is also accepting of my relationship with my family
(9) A woman who is supportive of my interests, just as I would be supportive of her interest
(10)A woman who believes in neatness and tidiness but is not -to use a term in this thread -a "neatnik)
(11) A woman who respects and values me

Those are my two deal breakers.

I absolutely COULD NOT have a relationship with a Republican. Wouldn't want to be with someone who has to argue about everything, is a yeller, or has no sense of humor. Similar taste in music, entertainment, sports, and food is nice. Kind and loving is essential.

While I don't LIKE living with someone who is a clutter freak or a slob I have and can. It wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker.

Political ideology must coincide... I could never go out with a Republican. Someone with a mind and they're not afraid to use it. :P Looks admittedly do factor in somewhat, but the most important factors are fidelity and honesty. :)

Positive chemistry, not negative, which can be equally powerful.

Chemistry is usually a combination of shared interests, values, outlooks, and most of all desires, for each other and for our lives with each other. It is more than the sum of it's components, much more. I know it when I feel it, and she feels it, too.

It makes the relationship a natural, easy, and fulfilling thing.

Things like clutter, or not, don't even register on my scale.

and geek glasses. :loveya:







JANEANE!!! :cry:

Oh, and a nice personality.

:rofl:

a high sex drive or a tolerance for the same in a partner, and perhaps most importantly, the ability / willingness to tolerate a family-size bucket of crazy like me. :)

well, let's just say enthusiasm and leave it at that.

Also, when dating wealthy widows, it helps to live on a fault line.

around them laugh. in fact in a group of women I will gravitate to the ones with good funnybones.

one of the things that has kept us together for 27 years is that we STILL crack each other up.

It helps that he will eat anything I cook, loves to travel, reads voraciously, enjoys theater, museums, nature and Kentucky. We met in Kentucky..

but he is really a great guy

Basically I want someone who will do more than "keep up" with me; I want someone who will walk right alongside, a friend at least as much as a lover. So intelligence--yes, in the "snooty," traditional sense--is key: I want to be able to have long, terrifically geeky discussions over history, computers, math, science, books, music, philosophy, religion, politics, anything. I want to be able to read out random passages from books and be listened to, no matter how weird. I want to sit up late at night listening to old records and being enthusiastic together over "that stunner of a bassline" or "that odd turn-around right there" or "how his voice pitches up right there--how sweet!," anything like that.

I want to trade cheerful obscenities like old pals in a bar and make dirty jokes. I want to make obscure references and be understood--and given an awesome reference back!--immediately. I want to laugh insanely over the same inside jokes from 5 years before, just as if we had just discovered them at that moment. I want to be able to reminisce endlessly and tease. I want to be able to sit right next to this person, each of us totally immersed in something different from the other, yet have no awkwardness whatsoever. I want to stay up late talking, about anything and everything, like high school girls.

I want to know that this person distrusts war and distrusts authority and distrusts most of organized religion. I want to know that this person doesn't give a hoot about gay people marrying or abortion or any other gallywagging wedge issue. I want to know that this person cares about civil liberties and other cultures. I want to know that this person is eternally curious, about anything and everything.

I want my best friend. Why should you have a lover and a best friend, separately? Make 'em into one person and be done with it. :)