Dear wise friends: what is the chance of this?

The boyfriend and I broke up recently and it seems to be holding. We didn't do it while angry, but after several long talks and lots of tears. ANYWAY. I have a regular habit of viewing Craigslist as you may know. This evening I looked and there was something entitled "To My Big-Headed Republican" (you all know he's a vile repuke). I clicked on it and the body of the message were lyrics to a song... OUR SONG, and nothing but the lyrics! And we did have a song, no question about it. The age of the poster was listed as 29 which is clearly young given that he's 52. So, is this a horrible coincidence, no doubt arranged by the Fates to drive me insane, or is this just...a...coincidence?

I've written him about it but he isn't corresponding with me at the moment. :eyes:

Do you think that?

so why not just leave it alone and give yourself some time?

I wonder what's wrong with me. I want to know if I ought to give up... that sort of stuff.

...isn't necessarily a permanent condition, and is more often a temporary coping mechanism. Giving up on waiting for life, and living it instead, is therapeutic--was for me, anyway. Love is a magical thing that happens when people happen to want similar and/or complementary things at the same time. Swearing it off for a while isn't a bad thing in itself, and is a resolve that usually crumbles when the opportunity for love presents itself again.

Best wishes to you.

with your pics!

I'm okay. I'm always okay the first couple days and then I lose it.

I'm on the ground and bleeding but it's nothing mortal.

my new hero

:hi:

But you've broken up, so there's no point in obsessing over what it means, or (especially) in writing to him about it. You broke up. It's over. I know it's hard, but you'll just make yourself miserable if you keep picking this scab. For your own good, walk away. (Been there myself...)

I guess I want to know if he left me for a younger woman... you know, so I can hate all younger women and cry when I look in the mirror. :P

Ouch. It hurts.

They arean invention of man.

Find some way to get through the night safely. Tylenol PM is my suggestion. Tomorrow is Saturday. If you don't have to work, fill the day with an excursion into the city. Give your mind some space.

good luck.

We had agreed that we would not drink any more, to give the relationship a final chance. Then he said it wouldn't work. I am drinking but tomorrow... Tylenol PM.

I can tell you empathize & I appreciate it.

And so your mind seeks, and finds, things that reinforce this connection...

I'm quite sure it's a coincidence, sweetie...

Move away from it, and occupy yourself with happier things...

Do not correspond further with him, OK?

Better to make a clean break and not look back.

Regret is a terrible thing!

:hug:

I've never been good at it but believe he will be.

And regret? My best friend! :rofl:

You know this. :hug:

But this is Maine, and there aren't quite so many people posting as you'd imagine. Plus, our song while not unknown is not a pop-song nor an old standard. Lastly, the reference to his being a republican. We talked about it constantly.

Well, I guess these days there are more than a few couples talking about one partners' repuke-ness, yes?

It doesn't matter. View me as it pleases you.

try self help, and do not cheap-shot it, as it is a way to go most sincerely http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psycho-Cybernetics :thumbsup:

I also do self-hypnosis. I think we are capable of great self-transformation if only we recognize what is causing our pain. Thanks for the link.

on edit: typo

You have always struck me as a genuinely nice person. I have no advice to give. Just moral support.

Thanks. :hug:

Redstone

-Lisa

Alcohol would be involved.

Redstone

Despite what I may present here, I never do the day or two thing. It's why I've always taken you seriously, and with respect. Even now!

therapy, specifically designed to wipe out short-term memory.

By day 3, you're ready to get on with the next thing, even if only to make the headache go away.

Redstone

In your roundabout way you always make me feel like a human being. I guess it's innate. :hug;

My kids love their father and he has a great relationship with them. He's a full professor at a nearby college. I'm going nowhere and DAMMIT, sometimes I am sad about that.

And I'm addicted to everything. In fact I believe there is a term in the diagnostic manual: "addictive personality." Fortunately that's not the same as a narcissistic personality or a psychopath.

Kidding, a wee bit. I would never take my kids from their father. I'm the one who initiated the divorce.

while remaining close for the kids and dad. You must look after your own health as well.

When going through the throes of despair after love lost, and when we are full of doubt and regret, and we seek to further that pain because we hate what has happened and feel so out of control with our pain, we find things, hear songs, read words that have deeper meaning beyond the cosmos that resonate only for us alone...and we look for connections and grounding as we feel our world spinning out of control.


When you choose to stop beating your head into your pillow, and choose to stop looking for the meaning to make sense of the fugue state of heartbreak, in that moment you will be angry, and will shake your fist at the stars, even the galaxies, and they will keep moving ignorant of your ire because they know something with which you will eventually come to terms and accept:
Time never stops, yet it wraps itself around you every moment. And, with time and within time, you will get past this moment, will move through tomorrow, and beyond.

So, what's with all this high falutin' cosmic squashballs I'm spoutin'?

What you found on Craigslist was a coincidence, but because you found it, and the were so many parts to it that resonated for you, it has meaning.

At one time in my life, I went through a heartache not at all unlike what you're going through. The days were sticky and slow...I was swimming upstream in molasses, and drowning even as I tried to keep my head above surface to breathe. I did the things I was supposed to do...fed my kid, did the laundry, tended to the pets...and the world was dull, almost visually gray and completely without luster. Then, one day after taking my son to his gymnastics lesson, I came home only to realize I had been in such a foggy state over the pain I was going through that I'd left the key to the door inside the house. All of a sudden I was angry, so I kicked the door in. I was angry at myself not only for forgetting the house key, but for the sudden analogy presented to me: I had the key to letting the pain go locked up, and by kicking the door open I felt a sudden victory over myself. I reclaimed my life, The anger passed quickly, and the victory gave me strength, and a giddy happiness. It was a very heady moment.

Yeah, I had a broken door, but that could be fixed.
What was more important was that I was home, I was me, and found I had been there all along.
I chose to come home to myself.


Time, babycakes...time is what you need, and what you must go through.
Your moment of personal reclamation will come, and the heartache will ease.
And, all the songs you hear will still be yours because you loved.
All the words you read will still have meaning.
And for all those words, those songs, those coincidences, the realization will come that you are still in touch with the person who matters most:

You.

:hug:

Recipe to take away sadness:

Take one smile from your day
Put it under your pillow
Sleep on it
Wake up to it in the morning
and repeat directions as you start your day

When you have too many smiles to fit under your pillow, your sadness is done

It's a break up, as in breaking it off, as in it's over.

Quit picking the scab, let it heal.

RL