Funnies for those of you who attend church or fellowship - or anyone really

They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with word-processors.

These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Summer, 2007 Release).

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you
want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to
lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

I enjoyed it.

Thanks!

:grr:

:D

:shrug:

:rofl:

One of the colleges I taught at had a chaplain who sent in badly handwritten notices announcing events such as Bible study or special services to the office that published the daily campus bulletin.

One day, he wrote a memo to announce a special Communion service for Holy Thursday.

There were two problems: 1) His handwriting was as bad as ever, 2) This was in overwhelmingly secular Oregon, where, for several generations, about 2/3 of the population has had no religious affiliation and is often unfamiliar with religious vocabulary, as I found in several encounters over the years.

The announcement was published as "a special Communism service."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: