I don't hate anyone.

Not even Bush and Cheney. To me they are just symptoms of a disease and not the disease itself. In an informed, rational, and un-apathetic society Bush would be a used car salesman and Cheney the evil owner of the dealership where Bush works, both forever locked into their socio-economic status.

But this post is not about Bush or Cheney or America. It's about me and why I don't hate anyone. I have been a horrible person in the past. I've been convicted of two crimes, both misdemeanors, and I'm very lucky not to be a convicted felon. I've also committed numerous other crimes, most of them having to do with drugs, that I have gotten away with. I've driven drunk in the past. I've never physically hurt anybody, well, not since boyhood skirmishes on the playground, but I've almost scared a few people to death. I've also dished out my share of emotional abuse. I used to be racist, sexist, and homophobic. I used to be a Republican. I voted for Bush in 2000. I think I used to be the angriest person on the planet and there were times when, if I'd had the power, I would have wiped out the entire human race. I was a cold, cold man.

It turns out that I was insane. I spent 10 years being psychotic. I didn't know that I was sick until I ended up on a psychiatric ward broken down and suicidal.

But I still have to live with all of that stupid, mean-spirited shit I did. It embodies such a large portion of my life, a decade, that I can't just forget it. It's getting easier as time goes by, though. I've been healthy for 4.5 years now. Maybe I'll get to a point where I can forgive myself some day.

I'm a nice guy now days. I can get along with just about anybody. I can't hate anyone because I have felt the full range of human emotions on the dark side and entertained the evilest thoughts. I know how killers feel. Fortunately, I never put into action the violence that was plaguing my soul, but I know there were times when it wouldn't have taken much for me to do so. Just a person in the wrong place at the wrong time and I could be doing hard time right now.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

But there's a lot of people in our government that deserve long prison terms for the evil they've done in the name of money and power.

for saying I hated someone. (OK, a slight exaggeration.)

I hate this old biddy who married one of my uncles. I hate a certain POS bully from grammer school.

I hate! I hate! One day I'm going to let somebody hold one with, "I hate you."

:hug:

and one of the reasons why I respect you so much. :hug: You're a good guy, and I think it takes a lot of courage to admit the extent of things that went wrong in your past (well, anybody's past really - it's a brave thing to do). I, for one, am very glad that you made it through and that you're here - your insight and kindness are much appreciated. :hug: Peace.

Gives me some hope that I may crawl out of similar shit myself someday...