I need an off switch

because all it seems I do of late is worry. worry, worry. worry.

There is not enough time in the day for all my worries! In fact, now I worry that I am worrying too much. Or not enough (about some things).
Even sleep...last night I had two very realistic dreams..and in them both I worried..In one I was imposing on a friend for help. In the other I had arrived super late to a family function and felt guilty and worried about that!
*sigh*
Today is my first day back at work after two days off..because I had an anxiety attack the other night and it just left me completely unable to function (I can focus for short spurts of posting here, but that seems to be the limit).
I told them I was sick, I didn't tell them I am having depression/anxiety issues..One of my big worries is that I am in the process of being hired but its taking a long time and I don't have health coverage right now, so I can't get treatment for my anxieties (another worry-I've been treated successfully in the past and know it would help--if I could afford it). And I have to go back despite not feeling great cause I have no paid leave (will I have enough time to pay my bills this month? Another worry)
I'm not on speaking terms with many of my family and those whom I am...sigh, I don't want to upset them (or make them worry..I worry that people worry about me...yeah I know I am definitely weird). I don't want to worry my friends either, some of whom I am afraid I may have alienated in my attempts to appear to be fine...
The only time I stop, sometimes is when I am curled up in bed with one or more of my cats curled up next to me purring...Although when I was really upset the other night..One of my cats got sick too..Did my anxiety upset her?
Well, here I am venting to strangers who neither know me (or to some extent care, I suppose) because I just HAVE to talk to someone.
In summary, I wish I could be like Data from Star Trek...and have an off switch so I can just stop..for a little while anyway.

Sigh. So don't mind me, just your friendly neighborhood anxiety ridden weirdo looking for a way to temporarily at least, unwind..
Back to your regularly scheduled programming.....:)

:hug:

Seriously considering NOT going in to work again. I just don't think I could even drive..(I drove accross the street for some needed supplies yesterday and it was difficult). Its rough not being paid, but health is more important, right?

Make a list of your problems... Try to fix the easiest one first. Go from there.

But really.. You should get to a doctor. Your problems can't be solved over the tubes.

but the fixes in RL that I have attempted (which are too long and complicated to list here)are not working well either. I do understand I need to see a doctor. But I can't at the moment.