DU Has Made Me Agnostic, and I Pity God If He/She/It Exists

"Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that." -- Stewie Griffin

********************************************

"And Go-yod, is all-know-eeng, brothers and sisters! He is om-nish-unt!" -- My pastor, circa 1985

********************************************

Nope. I don't buy it anymore. I know that Rene Descartes said it's better to bet that God exists, and be wrong, than to bet that He doesn't, and be wrong. Descartes gave us graph paper. Fuck Descartes.

There is no way - NO FRIGGIN' WAY! - any rational Being - Divine or Otherwise - would want to know what's going on in the heads of some of the people on GDP. And I really don't think He cares about how many hairs are on each of the ferrets in their ferret farms, either. Or the ferrets' names.

That's the kind of crap He'd have to be up on.

He would have to know - and don't correct the pronoun, because I addressed that HeSheIt in the headline - He would have to know every sordid, unholy detail of Britney's deep thoughts in the shower or on the john.

That alone would make any decent, self-respecting Deity go ex machina.

If He's so damn omniscient, He already knows that I'm going to want answers to really stupid, insipid questions, like: why do I seem to always look up when it's 12:34 on the digital display, whether day or night? I mean, honestly, I start wondering what it is in my life that I'm not taking in the correct order. But then my deeply programmed rational side kicks in, and I dismiss it as coincidence. Only, I'm sorry, but I just don't look up at 4:57 all the time the same way.

But the point is, He already knows that I'm gonna ask that before I ask it, if He even exists. Get my point? How bored is He gonna be, as we each sit on his lap like some poor captive stripmall Santa, asking the questions He already knew we were gonna ask?

But I digress. My questions for him range from the inane to the profound. I'm self-aware enough to know that some of them are low-hanging fruit. I'd even probably skip some of them, just to not be an Eternity-hogging asshole, but He'd anticipate that, too.

Nope, I think if there ever was a God, He's stark raving catatonic by now, stupefied by the collective idiocy of a self-inflicted Creation.

Speaking of which, has anyone heard a peep from Skinner lately, or seen him move?

:toast:

:rant: <------------- Rant off

- Dave

Well done. Reminds me of George Carlin's "Religion is bullshit":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o



"I firmly believe, and looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man; no woman ever would or could fuck things up like this." - George Carlin

Thanks for the convenient YouTube link.

And that's another thing: if God does exist, He'd better damn well have all the kinks worked out of Video on Demand. My cable company has been promising "almost there" for 10 years now. If Gabriel's out on a cloud with a DirecTV dish, trying to get the angle right, there's gonna be Hell to pay.

- Dave

sit on clouds and muck up the satellite transmission.


Tasmin Archer


Sleeping Satellite

I blame you for the moonlit sky

and the dream that died

with the eagle's flight

I blame you for the moonlit nights

when I wonder why

are the seas still dry?

Don't blame this sleeping satellite

Did we fly to the moon too soon?

Did we squander the chance?

In the rush of the race

in the reason we chase is lost in romance

and still we try

to justify the waste

for a taste of mans greatest adventure.

Have we got what it takes to advance?

Did we peak too soon?

If the world is so green

then why does it scream under a blue moon?

We wonder why

the earth's sacrificed

for the price of its greatest treasure

Did we fly to the moon too soon?

Did we squander the chance?

In the rush of the race

in the reason we chase is lost in romance

and still we try

to justify the waste

for a taste of mans greatest adventure.

And when we shoot for the stars

what a giant step

have we got what it takes

to carry the weight of this concept?

Or pass it by

like a shot in the dark

miss the mark with a sense of adventure

Did we fly to the moon too soon?

Did we squander the chance?

In the rush of the race

in the reason we chase is lost in romance

and still we try

to justify the waste

for a taste of mans greatest adventure.

... that's a blast from college. Thanks for the full sensory synaptic flashback to the single bedroom I finally got my senior year, with my roommate out of earshot, so I could finally play some good music.

:toast:

I gotta dust that one off. Haunting lyrics, performed with real soul. What else do you like?

- Dave

... is curiously appropriate.

:toast:

Synchronicity is another thing that makes me wonder, like the 12:34 thing. I'm damned to Hell with this OP, for sure, if this new post-sitting stance of mine is wrong.

Speaking of which, GDP should have that ol' Abandon All Hope sign.

- Dave

It says it all.

... of thought, indeed! Fine delicacies he served up for the mind.

; )

- Dave

is not a puppetmaster.

... I'd like to discuss with John Calvin in the afterlife, during a nice rousing game of CalvinBall.

:D

May I pour the drinks?

... and don't skimp or limpwrist the pour, if you please.

Absinthe, yum :9


edited to make the smiley behave :D

... you bring the heavy hand.

Yes, the picture struck me for the lines and the lighting. Looks like the Green Lantern's wetbar to me.

- Dave

Meet you at The Green Lantern ;)

Fun and games may ensue.

...and the score is always Q to 12. :)

Red & Rover almost - ALMOST - captures the dynamic.

???

... but I'm gonna proceed with caution, and bite, without venturing one of my guesses.

No, why?

- Dave

:rofl:

Indi Guy TM ;)

... to tell that to.

:rofl:

That's wretched and delightful, all at once.

:toast:

- Dave

You and me.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Bad.

;)

... which one of us springs it on an unsuspecting friend over beers first?

We groan, but we love.

- Dave

*shudder*

;)

Distractions encouraged. Strongly.

:toast:

If only we'd had AIM in college. We annoy the ever-loving crap out of each other now with it, and it would have elevated the art of our procrastination to a whole new level.

Lawn darts and pitchers, at daybreak?

:toast:

I reread the "His Dark Materials" series by Philip Pullman. Ya gotta like fantasy-for-kids that is NOT a Harry Potter book (none of which I've read. Hope I haven't missed anything)

The "Authority"--who thinks he's God, kind of happily drifts off in a kind of senile bliss via turning into dark matter particles in the end. Very satisfying.

... puts me in mind of a lighter-hearted take on deity-hood: The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, by Douglas Adams.

Odin is all about the crisp, clean sheets, changed every day.

- Dave

the answer to life, the world, and everything...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/eb/So_long,_and_thanks_for_all_the_fish.jpg/150px-So_long,_and_thanks_for_all_the_fish.jpg

And he can shove his stupid goddam is-it-here-duh table sidways with walnuts.

;)

... like it's a bad thing. Know your audience.

:P

Why up so late/early?

- Dave

A February festival in the Pitt household.

When the sun comes back, I get to sleep again. Been like this for 25 years.

I get shitloads of work done, tho. When I'm not blabbering about Descartes, that is.

:toast:

In return, I will give you entree into the mystical world of ramp festivals.

Are there penalties from Pitt cousins if you fall asleep? And are there wickedly scarring initiations for the younger ones, that brand a bond forged forever? If so, we've got a common ancestor back there somewhere.

:toast:

- Dave

One of these days I want a rundown on why clambakes are important



And then you're still on the beach with beer and might get laid...any questions?

In return, I will give you entree into the mystical world of ramp festivals.

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&hl=en&safe=off&q=ramp+festival

Yeah. I looked. Kinda like okra, but really not...right?

Are there penalties from Pitt cousins if you fall asleep?

They have been known to exact punishments, yes.

And are there wickedly scarring initiations for the younger ones, that brand a bond forged forever?



...ssshhhhh...

If so, we've got a common ancestor back there somewhere.



...whennnn Iiiiirish eyess are smiiillinnn'...

:P

I still think they're over-rated, and way too much work. I know, I know. Blasphemy.

And then you're still on the beach with beer and might get laid...any questions?

1. How do you get the sand out?

2. Didn't you guys have church camps?

Yeah. I looked. Kinda like okra, but really not...right?

They're hideous. Those two words mean I can never run for public office in my home state, and if anyone from WV ever reads them, I might have my visa revoked. (I'm on thin ice as it is.) They're amazingly relevant, historically, though. During the union wars, ramps brought together the scabs (largely Italian and African-American) and the Scotch-Irish settlers. They're enough like garlic that they were adapted by the Italian families in their cooking; they were a gift during a strike from the Scotch-Irish wives.

Any pol with a chance of winning has to scarf these things down. Life is too short, and Crohn's too painful at times, to even contemplate the punishment.

They have been known to exact punishments, yes.

One hears stories of crackers.

I see your usually fear-inspiring clandestine group, and raise you a...



Finally, alas poor Australo, I knew him well!

:toast:

I believe in a higher power, don't know what it is, or how to define it, or even if it's sentient. For lack of a better term, I refer to it as a higher power. Could just be random quarks bouncing off each other, but there's something beyond what we call the mundane world

ok...here's the radfringe 2 rules of religion (organized or not)

1. every religion believes in a higher power.
2. every religion believes it is right in it's beliefs.

beyond that, it's rhetoric, theory, blather and speculation.

:rofl: