OK men of DU

we have had the skinny people threads
the curvy people threads

how about the "real woman" threads???
the ones with
"FLAWS"

I have had 2 kids....
so I am not perfect
in any sense of the word.....


what kind of flaws are ok???

and not ok???

this is a personal quest



lost

on edit:
I do not for one second regret having my kids....

they are my life

perfect people don't exist

wrinkles, love handles, stretch marks, whatever, they are all part of the person

If that person is someone I care about, then the "flaws" become part of what makes them, them...

airbrushed perfection is the stuff that doesn't exist...

JMO

As far as flaws though, all of them are technically ok for somebody out there. I'm sure whatever flaws you feel you have, someone else would look at you and find them to be a beautiful component of what makes you a beautiful person.

it's hard to post
yanno
stretch marks
and things like that

some one once told me they were badges of honor

to me they are

an embarrassment


:hug:


SO, SO happy to see you here



lost

Thing is, we tend to look at those things with far more of critical eye than others do.

For years I used to be so self conscious about how thin I am. But then I started realizing that the women I was with, once naked with them, never seemed to give a rats ass. They'd tell me how sexy I was blah blah blah and though for years I would think they were blowin smoke up my ass, I started to just simply think in my head "ya know what? Maybe I'm the only one who gives a shit about how thin I am. They don't seem to give a fuck". Then I started to simply not care about it as much anymore and I've had a lot more self confidence since and it's been refreshing to just not care. But it was also an attitude I started learning of "who gives a shit what anyone else thinks. I'm flawed but friggin awesome, and I don't need other people's vindication of that for me to believe it to be true".

You should think the same way. Chances are, whatever flaws you have you are being far more critical of then anyone else would be. And never doubt for a second that you're an awesome person and a beautiful person, and that it's not the opinions of others that do or don't make that so.

And there ain't nothin wrong with stretch marks. Trust me, once a guy is close enough to ya to be lookin at 'em, his mind is going to be more than focused elsewhere. :)

what makes each and every one of us more appealing.

If I was looking for a Barbie Doll, I would go buy one. But I would rather be with a human being than a Barbie Doll.

Flaws reflect our character.

And I'm dead serious here.

:hug: :hi:

...but lost, I have seen your picture, and you are friggin' gorgeous. :hug:

thanks hon

but you know what they say
about
judging a book by its cover


:hug:

lost

:hug: I didn't even need to see your picture to know that you're a truly beautiful person. :yourock:, lost! :pals: :hi:

in which he teaches methods for communicating in families. When it comes down to it, the ego is the true culprit in miscommunication. If there is a problem, we should approach our loved one and say "I love you, and I sense that you are suffering. What can I do for you?" Or, "Dear one, I am suffering. Please help."

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/105-9174048-8920446?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=true+love+Thich+Nhat+Hahn&x=0&y=0

Being with another person means that we accept that they have baggage. Knowing how to deal with it is another thing entirely.

The book also says that if you truly, truly love someone, you call them Gorn and post pics of a lizard monster of the same name.

Well, except for the Gorn thing.

In spite of my absolutely fatal flaws, or perhaps because of them, I find and point at what is truly good. Do not mistake the perfect message for the imperfect messenger.

There is a line in a Leonard Cohen song, "Anthem," that perfectly illustrates this teaching:

"Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in."

Another salient verse from the same song:

You can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.

One thing I can not overlook though is stupidity. They could be a 10 in looks, but if they are stupid I will not tolerate them.

They are part of what makes that person "perfect" for you.

My ex was sick a lot. That's a flaw, but it let me putter over her, and that made me happy.

I actually don't trust women without physical flaws. I refer to them as "plastic" and avoid them.

Short story ...

A very close friend of mine who is not "perfect" by society's definition -- paint-brushed magazine pictures, etc. -- is, in my view, the most physically beautiful woman I have ever known. Yes, it's partly because of how I see her as a person, i.e. one could say I don't "see" the flaws because of who she is as a person, but that's not precisely true because I do in fact see the flaws, and I love them. I won't detail a list, even though that seems to be what you're asking. That's beside the point, really. Suffice to say, the flaws are there. She knows this and has obsessed over them in her life, partly due to the fact that I've not lied about my perception of them over the years I've known her. (She's in her mid-30's now, and I've known her since she was 12.) That is, I've noticed her physical flaws and pointed them out, suggesting, for instance, she not wear denim shorts and try to dance in them. Doesn't work on her. But the "flaw" that makes that not work is still endearing to me, and the story of my telling her that is a part of "us" now that makes our relationship special.

She never truly believed me about all this until several years ago when I was having what I thought was a completely unrelated conversation with her about Jewel, the singer. Jewel is, obviously, a blonde, and my friend is a brunette. I tend to prefer brunettes, and my friend knows this. She recently told me she had initially been a bit offended by my expressing an attraction to a blonde until she realized why. First of all, I like her voice. I like the fact she can genuinely yodel. Weird, yes, but I like it. But the thing I always mentioned when talking about Jewel, no matter the context, was not her voice or her hair or her body. It was her teeth. She has what can only be described as a fucked up, crooked front tooth. That tooth and the fact that she'll go out on stage and let a video be made that displays it is incredibly attractive to me.

When my friend realized what it was about her I found attractive, it unrolled a lengthy stream of realizations about things I had said about her over the years. I was telling her the truth. I love her butt, her feet, her legs and hips ... even though by those plastic definitions displayed in all the glamor mags, something is supposedly wrong with them. I love her hair, even when it is completely fucked up, all fried and freaked out in a way that would make most people say they are having a really bad hair day. The things that are "wrong" are what I find sexy, that and the fact she knows that despite those so-called flaws, also knows she's a damn sexy woman.

Attitude means a lot. Her best friend is, to be blunt, a big girl who the glamor mags would say needs to diet, and she too is *very* sexy. Her attitude, her confidence, her *flaunting* her so-called flaws ... I like it a lot.

Explosive anger is chief among those flaws which I have little use for. Fortunately my ex's aim was not too good or I would not be here to tell the tale. She liked throwing stuff at me HARD! Worse, it was always my fault for ducking when the wall developed a hole or the window got broken. We replaced quite a few windows and I got pretty good at patching holes in our walls. I later came to understand that we men could get battered just as bad as you women do. (It gets less press!) Explosive anger and jealousy are two of my pet peeves now and I stay FAR FAR away from such women deliberately.

As to body types??? Well missing teeth and unshaved legs bothers me a bit. Yes, this is petty of me but
I am being honest here. If I could I would prefer a thin lass as well because with hindsight I can say that I have tended to pass on women who are greatly overweight. (read: double or more the weight suggested for the height.)

I am no angel myself, I am getting ready to swap my old failing teeth for false ones and I am a bit overweight too. Like many males who live alone, my house hygiene is in a bad state of repair, (read: I HATE doing dishes and my floor could use a good vacuuming), so I know I am no great catch. Frankly I like things as they are and have no plans to resettle with another wife. Call it shell shock if you like but things are sooooo much more peaceful these days for me and I REALLLLLY like peaceful!

I had 4 c-sections. I had no problem whatsoever when I became intimate with others again. Seriously, sexy has nothing to do with a few stretch marks. Sexy is healthy with the right attitude.

It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. B-)

That's it, that's all.

I just see a person. Guess it sounds silly but I really dont care much about appearences.

and not ok?

hmm...

Please never lie to me or hold back info. Open and Honest, the rest is easy.

BTW- Lost you are hawt! I guess I dont read enough. I didnt know you had 2 youngn's.

:hug:

i have known women with sexy scars.
women's bodies are always fascinating.

He's got a collection of National Geographics that goes back to the 19teens if I recall correctly.

And yet I'm fairly certain my last ex had more issues than that.

... great rack though. :evilgrin:

both for personality and looks. And its easy for me to overlook a lot of flaws if a woman has those things that are important. I'm sure women think about thier flaws 10 times more than men ever do.

...I've never been turned on by feet, but I have sure been turned off by them. I guess you could call it a foot fetish, but not really since it's not something I obsess over- unless they're ugly.

...I've never been turned on by feet, but I have sure been turned off by them. I guess you could call it a foot fetish, but not really since it's not something I obsess over- unless they're ugly.

...I've never been turned on by feet, but I have sure been turned off by them. I guess you could call it a foot fetish, but not really since it's not something I obsess over- unless they're ugly.

They are the little things that distinguish real-life women from the airbrushed critters in magazines.

as long as I don't have to see or interact with them.